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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Can I ask who's right here??

15 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 13/04/2014 23:00

Exh has the dcs on a Wednesday overnight (so he pays lesson maintenance)

At the moment his father picks up ds2 from childminder then ds1 from school.
However I still pay for after school care even though it's not used.

I have told him I'm no longer doing this and if he needs the childcare then he needs to pay for it.

He says as he already pays me CSA then he doesn't have to pay anymore. His parents have ds2 and take ds1 to school on Thursday.

He's now said that if he wanted he could pick them up from me at 6.30pm on a Wednesday then drop them to school thursday and not pick them up

What's right in this situation

OP posts:

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 14/04/2014 15:07

Bump

OP posts:

whattodoforthebest2 · 14/04/2014 15:12

IF this is a long-term, reliable arrangement that you have with him, I'd try and cancel the after school care for that day. Otherwise, I can see why neither of you thinks you should have to pay for it.

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 14/04/2014 20:06

There is no reliable arrangement and I think seeing as its his night then it shouldn't be my responsibility to pay for childcare Until he can get there

OP posts:

lilypie13 · 14/04/2014 20:11

I doubt he has them overnight to pay less maintenance - I would imagine its so he can do the normal bath then and out them to bed the things that fathers miss out on once separated from the wife

kinkytoes · 14/04/2014 20:12

If you can afford it I'd keep paying for it if your ex is unreliable. It's not a great situation but what would happen if no-one turned up for your DCs and they had nowhere to go? That would be worse wouldn't it?

feelinglowerthanlow · 14/04/2014 20:16

What is the difference, financially, when comparing the reduction in maintenance (with the overnight stay) to the additional cost of the childcare with this day included? And does your OP mean your ex's father picks the DC up, or is it your ex himself? Is the contact schedule court ordered or by mutual agreement?

Viviennemary · 14/04/2014 20:22

Unless you are short of money I can't see the point of making an issue of a trivial thing. That's not to say you're in the wrong but I don't really think it's worth worrying about in the grand scheme of things. Unless you are unhappy with the financial arrangements in general.

rootypig · 14/04/2014 20:24

Does he expect you to buy their Wednesday night dinner too? pay his petrol for driving them round? no? well then, that's his answer. Wednesday is his night, he is the parent responsible - for everything, presumably.

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 14/04/2014 20:36

Exh father picks them up.

It's currently costing me £40 month for childcare which is not used.
From September it will cost me £80 extra in childcare that's not used.

I pay all the childcare, that's fine, my issue is that it's not used but he wants me to continue paying it in case his dad can't pick him up.
Which IMHO makes it his issue not mine

OP posts:

MirandaWest · 14/04/2014 20:45

Whenever my XH has the DC on a school night then I pick them up from school and take them to either his house or his office. Why would the DC go to after school club if I can pick them up?

Obviously when I'm working and not there at the end of the day they go to after school club but that's up to me to pay as I'm normally there when they finish school.

feelinglowerthanlow · 14/04/2014 21:40

He's got his father for childcare - there is no reason for you to pay for childcare as well. Do you pay someone else for back up for the childcare you use, or do you drop work/take time off to go to your DC if the childcare falls through? I think that's your answer - you are right IMO.

ElizabethFailer · 27/04/2014 09:36

I think I'd actually say you're right to not pay childcare on the afternoon where he is responsible for the children - maintenance is for housing, utilities and food, not clothes or child care, as far as I'm aware, although that might be wrong. This is why there needs to be a service that sits separating couples down when they first separate to establish what maintenance is actually for. I had the same argument with my xp for years, and it's still going on 9 years later. If he's responsible for the child on that day, he's responsible for him full stop.

JessicaMary · 27/04/2014 10:08

I paid £30k a year cost of nanny for our five as I earn more than their father but in our case it was in the financial agreement.
Childcare is something often put into court orders particularly where it just about the biggest family expense.

If you don't have a court order about finances and just use the CSA then I'm not sure of the position. As your ex could choose never to see the children then whether he does or not he still has to pay whatever CSA % it is these days if the children live with you.

DownstairsMixUp · 27/04/2014 10:14

That's his problem. If it were you expecting your Mum or something to pick the kids up and something happened, YOU'D be the one having to sort out an alternative arrangement as they are your responsibility when they are with you. Same applies to him!

ptsdhelp · 27/04/2014 23:23

U are right!

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