Custody

[lib68]

Hi,
My husband and I have just decided to separate. However, he keeps telling me he's going to ask for custody 3-4 days a week of the children. Who usually gets custody. I gave up work when the children were younger to look after them, then worked part-time and have recently gone back full-time. I think he is just trying to scare me.

Could you share custody, week on week off?

The children aren't your possessions - you both have responsibilities towards them but their needs are paramount. You both need to think about what's best for them.

If they are small and he's not been involved in their care then it may be best for them to spend more time with you. But if they are older, he's been an involved dad and you are both in reach of their schools and both work full time then why not?

Talk to a solicitor asap and look up all the info about family mediation services. But don't assume the children will be 'yours' just because you are female.

I certainly don't think of them as my possessions. My husband has never taken an interest in them until the past few weeks. I've basically brought them up whilst he's worked from 7am to 8pm (not always necessary, his choice). They are 9 and 11. I have great concerns that he would not cook properly for them or make sure they've done their homework etc.

Well he will have to step up to the mark, he could well get joint care, so start to find a way of making that positive, or you are in for a very stressful decade.

50:50 shared care is becoming much more common and is often what children want. I would encourage you to talk to them about what they would like. My DD at 8 was very clear that it was 50:50 that she wanted.
You will parent differently, you will feed them differently and you may have different rules about homework. This is just a fact of splitting.
It is hard, I know, but doing this with good grace makes a huge difference to children.