Separation/divorce

[Doughnut123]

Hi, my husband and I are separating. We have 3 children and own our own house. My husband is a high earner and I have just started work part time ( on a very low wage). I don't really want to move the children out of the house, but my husband says that by not selling the house, this will ' leave him in the shit,' because he won't be able to get a decent place for our children to go to.
I don't know his exact wage, but it's high. I feel sure he could afford somewhere. My question is, does anyone know what the rights of a mother in this situation are? I have a friend in a similar situation, she got advised by her solicitor, that she should stay put in the house until her youngest child is 18.
I know that my husband will have to pay maintenance, but I'm unsure how much financial input he would have towards bills-if any. It's a big house and is hard to keep warm. I feel that he is not putting the children's needs first ie) they don't want to move, have friends near by etc. what do you think. Thanks to you all.

I think you need good legal advice having got as much information about finances as possible.
So thoughts are if you sold the house and the equity was split 50:50 could you afford a house that would be big enough for you and the children?

Thanks Lonecatwithkitten ( great nickname!). We are going to go to mediation, so I think that should help us sort things out as fairly as we can. Thanks for your advice.

The court will want to see you both housed if possible but if there is only money for one mortgage, the children get priority.

He is unlikely to be 'in the shit' if he is a high earner but I agree that you might be expected to downsize if you are in a very big house. You would be likely to retain most of the capital if you are remaining primary carer and can use that to rehouse. He could take smaller amount to use as deposit and raise a mortgage.

But it is impossible to advise without having full disclosure of all your assets and liabilities, knowing house prices in area etc. mediation is a good starting point, hopefully you can sort it out, if not go to court.

Thanks Spero, that's very good advice. We will go to mediation to get things sorted out. Moving to a smaller house would be much more practical, cheaper to heat etc. it's very hard isn't it? However, as a friend said, having my own place will be a fresh start for me and I won't always feel that this is his house. Thank you for your sensible advice.

It is really, really hard BUT you can come out the other side. As long as both of you are reasonable and communicate with each other you should be able to sort something out that is fair to both of you.