overnight contact

[shockedbunny]

Hi, my husband left yesterday I am still in total shock. He has his whole new life sorted straight away. He says there is no other woman but I am not sure.
However he is moving into his new house on Monday (how he has set this up without me knowing I don't know). He wants our ds to stay overnight with him one night in the week and everyother weekend starting on Wednesday night.
I am not sure that ds will be ready for this as he has not stopped clinging to me since yesterday (he slept in my bed last night).
'd'h is a good dad so I am not worried on that front, just on how ds will cope with the changes.

Can I ask to visit this house so that I know where ds will be staying? Can I limit overnights to once a week to start with? Rather than as husband is suggesting 3 nights this week?

Sorry if a bit of a jumble but really not thinking straight at the moment

How old is ds? Tbh, the contact your ex is proposing is fairly standard, plus half of school holidays (if that's relevant), though obviously it seems overwhelmingly too much for you right now. Did you part reasonably affably? You can ask to see his new house, but sadly you can't even make him disclose the address if he chooses not to.

Depending on how old DS some of the anxiety maybe the unknown where is Daddy living. DD was 8 when ExH left she was very anxious until she had done her first overnight at ExH's new house. She then knew what her bedroom was like etc and was much more settled as a result.

Thanks. Sorry been out with DS and my mum today to try and get some air.

No idea how we are leaving it to be honest we have not spoken everything has been done by emails. I really just feel numb.

I gather the contact is normal, I was just wondering about going to the house with ds to check. He is 7.
I looked back at most post yesterday and realise that I made him sound like 3 about the clinging!!. What I meant was that he has not really left my side and doesn't seem to want to let me out of my site.
You are right Lonecat, I think it is the unknown. Maybe husband (not sure what to call him) will talk to him before Wednesday to allay the fears.
My mum is staying with me so I feel all at sea at the moment as she seems to have taken charge but ds seems to have calmed down a bit today.
Thanks for you help

Can ds phone his dad before Wednesday? Might help if he can have a chat about the new house in advance of going there.

I got DD to choose some teddies to live at Daddy's and a few other bits and pieces to make her new room more homely. I have also made her a knitted blanket and cushion for her bed - so that she can put it round her and I will be hugging her.

Lonecat that sounds like a lovely idea. I will see what I can do before Wednesday.
He rang last night and spoke to ds about Wednesday night - ds seems a little excited about it now. Think he just wants to see his dad, which is good. Hopefully everything will be ok.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that this would ever be happening to me and my family so feel all at sea at the moment. all your advice is much appreciated.

I think your stress comes from the fact this is out of the blue And you had no idea. Then to be informed when your DS will be going yogis house. Unfortunately however hard for you I do agree its best to be excepting so not to make ds anxious. And they are standard access arrangements.

I do feel for you though. I hope your mum is taking good care of you.

The best way to reassure your DS is to behave as if contact with Dad in his new house is normal and routine.

If you visit, or seek reassurance, then it gives your DS the impression that there is something to be worried about - it may reassure you, but it will undermine the natural confidence that he has in his Dad - he'll understandably wonder why Mum needed to check out Dads house?.

I know it's very, very hard - but unless you have genuine reasons to believe that your DS will be at risk, then the best thing for him is to treat the new routine as just that, routine - and behave as if you are just as confident in your ex's ability to parent now as you were before your relationship broke down.