Separation....what happens next?

[goodlifemummy]

That's it really, DH won't move out, he feels I should as I am requesting the separation and he still loves me as much as ever

We have 3 children, 8,8 and 2. I work away up to 9 days a month.

I am not leaving my children.

Who would we go to to help us figure out what happens next? He reckons Relate, I think someone more practical, ie a solicitor to arrange a separation agreement. He's talking about buying each other out of the house, but I only work part time so can't afford a mortgage on my own.

Help!

I am assuming your house is in joint names? I can see why your D(?) H wants to go to Relate as he is wanting to continue with the relationship. If you cannot afford to "buy each other out" I think the only option is to sell the property (not that easy I know and I don't know how much equity is in it) Would there be enough for you to both have smaller homes. In any event the proceeds of sale would have to be divided equally I think. Maybe you could find a private rented property for you and the children, though would need one month's rent in advance and a deposit and they are usually 6 month tenancies.

Yes you need to see a solicitor - sorry I don't know what a separation agreement is, but it sounds a good idea. Are you planning to apply for a divroce. If so I think the issue of the property and the children are dealt with as part of the divorce proceedings, but I'm not really sure.

Hope you find the way out that you want........

CAB are a useful source of information.

You need to seek legal advice - try to find a good one local to you through Resolution - i believe they would want you to attend mediation first and try to come to arrangements between you as much as possible.

Its impossible to state what you would be entitled to as it depends entirely on your own situation and what marital assets there are, whether there is enough money to allow a clean break, how many years you were married, yours and DH earning capacity now and in future, and a whole raft of other information that we don't know.

Its likely you may need to think about going back to work full time (unless there are huge pots of cash available or your H is a very high earner) in order to support yourself- in most cases interim spousal support is only available for a short period of time - to allow the woman to find work etc (again this depends on your Hs income and if he is a huge earner you may be entitled to more)

Its also possible that you may be able to stay in the marital home (if you can afford to do so) and your H might retain a % share for a certain time. Its not set in stone that you split it 50:50 - in many cases the wife is awarded a hgher % due to lower future earning potentials, pensions, and the fact you need to house 3 children.

With regard to children - what sorts of residency arrangements are being discussed? Does your DH want 50:50 shared residency? Your DH will need a place suitable that allows for the children to stay with him.

Seek legal advice and they will guide you with regards to what to do next.

Firstly I would like to say that I am not a solicitor and I am only telling you what I have been advised. Obviously every case is different.

I hve been a sahm for 15 yrs and husband is a high earner working long hours. I want to separate, he doesn't. We have both seen solicitors.

If we separate there is no law or nothing that can be done to get him to move out and he completely refuses. He wants to stay together. He has agreed that I could move out, with the kids (I have a thread started last week about that).... My solicitor says that if I divorce him then they can ask that he moves out and given the (practical) circumstances it would be unreasonable of him if he didnt.

A separation, I believe, is generally something informal and nothing can be done for example if he won't give me any money etc whereas a divorce sets out the situation and is enforceable.

Have you thought about seeing a mediator?

Good luck x