How do I get him to leave?

[bertiebassett]

Hi
I told H that I want to separate and that I will be starting divorce proceedings (he has been emotionally and verbally abusive and joined a no strings attached sex website).

He agreed to move out of the marital home back at the beginning if August but he says he can't find anywhere 'suitable' and will keep on looking. I think he is being overly fussy and has an unrealistic expectation if what he will be able to rent for the amount he's prepared to pay.

In the meantime, I am having to share the house with him. It's awful. He's a bully and not pleasant to share a house with. I have spent every evening in my bedroom since January.

If it were just me I'd have left immediately but our DS has just started school. H and I agreed that H would move out so as so cause minimal disruption to DS.

When I ask H to please find somewhere and leave he gets very arsey and says he's going to take his time and he won't do anything if I start making demands.

Is there anyway I can get him to leave quickly or shall I just bite the bullet and take DS and go?

I intend to keep the marital home for me and DS so if I do move out will I jeopardise that?

Help please!

Hi bertie. Hope you are surviving your day as it such a nasty situation to be in. I'm there too. Do you rent or own? If you own the place and leave it could jeopardise your future claim on the home. At least that's what I've been told. Have you got legal advice? If not, it's time as it will also be useful to know what steps to take to separate and divorce. If he owns the house with you, then I've been told that he has every right to stay, you just can't get him out. Stay sane, smile through gritted teeth to stay civil and try & coax him out! Good luck.

Hi mango

Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. We own the house together so I know he doesn't have to go. He suggested that he leave...but is making such a huge fuss about it.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma. Family want me to stay in house for sake of DS and have promised to help me out financially (as I couldn't afford to do it otherwise). However, I must admit I'm in two minds about it. I know the less disruption the better for DS but I'm just finding it unbearable living like this now. I'm really tempted just to move out and take DS and leave NSDH to it...

I'm just bumping this message to see if anyone else can help...

If I leave with DC will I lose any claim on the house? I wouldn't be able to contribute towards the mortgage if I left. Would I still be able to buy him out?

Any help gratefully received...

Hi Bertie

A lot of solicitors offer a free first consultation regarding your legal rights - because it is complicated. Basically, if you are joint tenants i.e. you both 'own 50% share' of the property, you can't force him out the house without resorting to legal action. It is possible to force the sale of a joint asset through the courts. My solicitor advised me that this can cost several thousand pounds and generally takes 9-15 months. So it isn't a course for the faint hearted or financially constrained. Have you gone to mediation first? this is a bit of a half way house, with legal teeth, but without the grief of taking someone to court.

My advice (for what it is worth) is to go to a solicitor and get the facts right for your situation. Then, I would sit him down and explain that either (a) goes to mediation/agrees a plan and it won't cost a lot/moves out to an agreed timeframe, or (b) it ends up in the courts and you both might as well just give solicitors handfuls of money and play silly beggars. Perhaps the cold hard cost of the court solution might make him think a bit about the situation.

Don't know. I'm about to split with my partner - and it's going to be very similar I suspect. So my plan is to try and persuade him out, and if this doesn't work, I know he is essentially tight, and I suspect the legal stuff and costs will work.....