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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Aaarrrrggghhhhh.....STBXH being an arse!!!

17 replies

Lovemy3kids · 29/07/2012 19:41

Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!! That is how I am feeling right now STBXH is totally being an arse with regards to childcare, makes demands all the time and when I don't agree to his demands, he tells me I'm being unreasonable and is building a case of my unreasonable behaviour for his solicitor!!

Unfortunately, I can't list all the details so that u can advise if I am being unreasonable (or if its him) as I know his new gf is on here trying to find me!!

Sorry needed a rant of kinds and not sure where to post it

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 29/07/2012 19:44

I doubt you are being unreasonable, or that his case is worth that

onetiredmummy · 29/07/2012 19:50

If he's going for unreasonable behaviour surely that's good, you will get rid of the arsehole sooner rather than later.

What's the prob with the new gf, are you concerned they will cite posts on here as unreasonable behaviour .

I know you're trying to be discreet but a bit more info is needed :)

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 29/07/2012 19:57

Yes onetiredmummy that was exactly my thinking. She's contacted me before to my personal email address telling me how much of a bad mother I am....!! Solicitors have told her not to contact me now, but I know that all communication that is coming direct from STBXH is instigated by her (and she has 2 DD's of her own!!)

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 29/07/2012 20:18

Have you started divorce proceedings yet? I divorced mine on unreasonable behaviour - tis the only way if you want to do it quickly. It was pretty easy to think of examples!

Soila · 29/07/2012 20:48

Hi Lovemy3kids,

I'm assuming you are speaking of contact with the children when you speak of childcare?

If that's the case and to make it easier and much cheaper for the both of you and assuming he will agree, would you consider going to a trained and qualified family mediator? They are trained to handle such cases and they remain completely impartial.

As for the new GF - really, don't spend any energy there whatsoever.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 06:00

Divorce proceedings have been started, and I am divorcing him on the grounds of his adultery. We are due to go to mediation with regards to childcare for the children, but he is purposely dragging his feet over the whole situation for some reason. He denies receiving letters from my solicitors, and unless things are on his terms, he is not interested. He sent me texts on Friday with regards to childcare, telling me what he was and wasn't going to do, and then he must have realised how bad they made him look, that he is now emailing me back tracking and making it look as though I am the one being unreasonable. It's just all a mess and I would like it all over and done with, but nothing seems to go my way!!

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 30/07/2012 09:06

So is he going to cross-petition on unreasonable behaviour? I bet it's all smoke and mirrors. Do search on my old name - replace silver with Pink - to see some of my story.

BigBandwitch · 30/07/2012 09:11

Having possibly one of the most unreasonable exes in the world can i suggest that you re-route requests through a third party for a while at least? People tend to rein themselves in a bit when they know that their petty messing about and insults are being observed by an outsider.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 11:44

Hi Silver - I am not sure if he is going to cross-petition me, or if he is solely building a case seperately with regards to childcare. I have copied evrything that has happened over the weekend to my solicitor, and I have been asking a family member for advice to see if I am the one that is being unreasonable, and as she knows th ewhole situation, she has told me that I am not being unreasonable.

Childcare has been agreed thourhg solicitors, and I have letters stating what he has agreed to, but he has since gone back on those so I made alternative arrangements and, as I have not met his demands, i am being unreasonable.

The man is being a complete arsehole and it is all weighing very heavily with me at the moment and I have not had much sleep due to it all....again

OP posts:

solidgoldbrass · 30/07/2012 11:48

OK, send him an email stating that due to his unreasonable attitude, all communications must be through your solicitor, that you will not respond to texts or phone calls or see him when he comes to the house, and that if he persists in harassing you, you will inform the police.

You can basically shut off communication with an unreasonable man, particularly one who is acting up purely to provoke a reaction. Best of luck.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 12:03

Thanks Solidbrass - I have already tried that last week and told him that all further communication should be through solicitors - he then sent an email back telling me that he was going to get an harrassement order against me as i had communicated with him first via email (one of our children came home badly sunburnt whilst in his care and in much pain and i wanted to bring this to his attention). However, he then contacted me first via email yesterday, and seems to have forgotten about the "do not contact me" that he spouted to me last week.

I also have from his solicitor a letter stating that he is happy to receive communication from me with regards to the children....which is what I did!!

My solicitor has advised me that I have to communicate with him as if I use them all the time then i will just incur more legal costs....which....as i do not get legal aid, i am having to pay singlehandedly.

I'm just banging my head against a brick wall all the time and there seems no compromise on his behalf - its either do as I say or else

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 30/07/2012 13:53

I sent emails to FuckwitEx (FWEx) even though we were under the same roof. But I got sol to OK them first. Don't know how much it cost, but prob less than a letter from her (£17 iirc) You could check with her/him (a phone call to mine was also £17 I think)

Settlement costs came in at £2.5K approx (divorce itself was free as they didn't tick the box claiming costs against him, twas an error but turned out for the best)

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 13:57

Solicitor not dealing with divorce - this is being done by me. I do get my emails to him checked by either my sister or her gf.....as if i were to just reply to them straight off it would be full of anger and frustration! I am trying to communicate with him clearly stating the facts, but he seems to ignore all of these and replies as to what his demands are. He fails to see that this ISN'T about HIM, it is about the best interest of OUR children!!

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 30/07/2012 14:03

Mine refused to co-operate, refused to get his own sol (though had half hour interview) and I had to start ancillary relief proceedings to get him to do anything. This was typical, and one reason why I divorced him! As our kids are young adults, and our pensions will be minute (although will have full state pensions) I got the absolute before beginning the settlement legal process, otherwise would have had to pause after nisi issued.

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 14:21

My solicitor has advised me that i have to keep lines of communication open with him incase this goes to court. We seperated last year, sold our marital home and split the equity (with mine the bigger share) and up until his new gf came on board we were amicable. My STBXH does have a solicitor, but i know he is struggling financially and is dragging his heels over the whole bloody situation.....telling me that he hasn't received letters from my solicitor which were sent weeks ago. Now i don't know whether he is being truthful, but my gut instinct is telling me that he is not. I know he has already lied to his solicitor over a certain matter, and his gf lied too, but i have absolutely no way of proving this

OP posts:

TheSilverPussycat · 30/07/2012 14:29

My puzzlement was over you saying you aren't using sol for divorce. But I guess you are using one for finances and advice?

Original poster

Lovemy3kids · 30/07/2012 14:35

I had already lodged divorce papers before he plodded off to his solicitor regarding childcare atrrangements and I receivied a letter so, naturally, took legal advice myself. She is acting on my behalf with regards to childcare, and she can see how unreasonable he has been so far, she has still advised me that I have to keep lines of communication open with him on minor matters, in case it has to go to court (which what he has wanted all along as he feels it will go in his favour)

OP posts:

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