Advice please

[Wheredidmyyouthgo]

Hi there.

I am in an unhappy marriage. My husband is high-functioning schizophrenic, we haven't shared a bed or had sex in a very long time, he acts like a lodger rather than a husband, and will not participate in family life.

We have a DD who is 2.5, no other children. Our DD is the light of my life! We both work full time. We own a 4 bed house (no mortgage) and have had it since 2007. We married in 2006, having been together several years.

I am very worried what will happen to me and DD in terms of finance, also in terms of contact with her daddy. Can anyone advise?

I brought no money to the marriage apart from my salary, capital we have had has come from his family. I am terribly unhappy and have been carrying on for the sake of our DD. My husband moved out for a long period of time and moved back last September. Reading back this post it seems brusque and abrupt, it is not meant to be, I am just very low and scared for the future. Thanks for any advice.

Hey, sorry I don't know much about the finances. But I don't think you are doing the best for your daughter by making yourself miserable and giving her a rubbish model of relationships. It might not be easy to sort all this out but once the dust has settled I bet you will feel much freer and happier, which will be positive for her too.

Have you talked to your husband about splitting up? The best and cheapest way to do things is to agree between yourselves ways to split finances and possessions and who dd will live with and how contact will work. Then you can sign papers to make it binding.

Have you tried Citizens Advice? They can advise what benefits you might be eligible for, if you need help with housing. See if you have a local family mediation service as they can help with working out a contact agreement, you can go on your own if he doesn't agree to it. Also Child Maintenance Options have a maintenance calculator.

Thank you for this. He is moving out today, to stay with his mum. I feel numb, he just told me in a 30 second phonecall when I was at my desk. I have to go away for work tomorrow until Friday evening, fortunately my mum can come to stay with my DD overnight, she will be so upset to have neither me nor her daddy. And it is my birthday on Thursday. Numb.

It could be tough to get used to the new set up and get over the idea that your marriage has failed. If you find it difficult then accept that feeling rather than trying to push it aside. Its normal to feel sad about all the things that were not as you would want in an ideal world. BUT you will make a nice life just the two of you. It sounds like you put up with a lot for a long time.

Great you have your mum for support, I'm sure your dd will be happy to spend some time with her granny. Have you discussed when his first contact session will be? My ds is 2.0 and I have read quite a few threads on here were people say short frequent contact is best at this age.

Sorry to hear about your birthday in the middle of this, will you be able to do something with work people? Or just get some you time. My husband had a nervous breakdown on my birthday last year and I spent about 4 hours in A+E with my son and him, bumping into our neighbour who works there. I'm hoping this year will be a bit better!