Prediabetes, unusual body odour and a partner refusing to seek support

[nairnsoatcake]

My husband has been prediabetic for 17 months or so. His Hba1c fluctuates between 45 and 47, the last test was done in March and was 46. He has really bad habits, won't attend the nutrition clinic, I do cook healthy evening meals for us, but he is a total sugar addict and if I "police" him, he just gets snarky. He takes 3 heaped sugars in his tea and coffee and is trying to cut down, if there is a pack of biscuits or cupcakes around, he feels compelled to eat them all. He hasn't really had any obvious symptoms, bar urinating through the night a bit too frequently, but I have been putting that down to too much tea late at night.

I am supportive and try to help him make changes, sometimes I try to scare him about what could happen if he doesn't make changes now, but he just says he's fine and if there was an issue, the GP would contact him.

I've always liked my husbands smell, under his arms, his skin generally. But the past few months, he really smells bad. Like a sweet but acrid smell when he sweats. I have read that this can be a sign of prediabetes getting worse, or actually ketones? His urine smells normal.... I'm trying to get him to the GP to report it and have further tests, but he's being incredibly stubborn and saying I'm imagining it.

Help!

Agreed, the small is characteristic of ketones. He should get to his GP.

Are you happy to spend years of your life being a carer for him when his neglect and not taking accountability for his own health leads to him becoming disabled?

Cos I’ve seen that happen far too frequently with men who are embarrassingly childish and selfish around managing their condition. The bloke carries on damaging his health creating crises and stress that virtually breaks their wife.

Some start with intimacy issues as erectile dysfunction takes hold. Then heart and kidney problems. Neuropathic problems and ulcers. All the way to massive infections and ulcers.

He’s a grown man who is pathetic regarding taking responsibility for his own health - do you have children together? You’re not his mother and caring for a partner who is also looking after themselves is completely different than being nursemaid and mother to a pathetic man child who fucks the family’s life up.

All the women I know whose husbands have been like yours reported that their love died for them. They felt trapped, depressed and frustrated and let down.

I’m sorry you have a husband who seems to fall into this category. I’d be giving an ultimatum that he grows the fuck up otherwise I’d be planning my exit.

i think i’d stop doing things for him. no washings ironing’s biscuits dinners. nowt. i’d tell him my plan so he knows.

my response would be Why should i try to look after you when you dont look after yourself. Get your arse down the GP and get some pills ffs. Once youve been i will consider looking after you or leaving.

@nairnsoatcake what age is he?

He's 65. I'm not far behind him.

He's so stubborn that I have actually decided to stay with my sister for a few days. Arrived yesterday, she's only a half hour drive away and lives in lovely countryside. I need a break from his endless whining about how tired he is. There are so many things I'm fed up with on top of all of this health business. I just said I needed space from him, and that when I come back, if he hasn't made an appointment, then I am seriously considering separation.

He didn't really say very much. I won't be his carer!

He has ED, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. He is on medication for the cholesterol and the high BP. He also has sleep apnoea, we can't sleep in the same room anymore because of his poor sleep. He has all the factors and lifestyle habits that will take him into stroke, heart attack and full blown diabetes territory. I have been going on about it for what feels like an eternity but I'm done now.

Has he had a prostate exam, PSA test @nairnsoatcake

Frankly I don't blame you.

Yes, normal PSA but he's up and down to the loo all night and has interrupted flow. Hasn't been offered a DRE as the GP said the PSA was fine so no need.

... and he's around one and half stone overweight, not a lot, but it would probably help him if he lost his belly fat.

Well he needs to push the GP who's possibly given up on him

My DH had a full set of tests back in March passed them all gp just said you're fat lose some weight. Now he couldn't get mounjaro but your husband could. My husband bought his and in five months has lost three stone. He's going to reach target I'm sure. He fair whizzes around on his E bike now.

He's 75 so if he can do it a youngun like your husband certainly can. He'll help all his other issues too.

Good for you @nairnsoatcake

Bet he also ignored the sleep apnoea situation too and dismissed the horrendous effects it was having on your sleep as well.

It’s a pattern with these men. Their stubbornness comes at the cost of reducing YOUR quality of life/freedom/mental health and marriage.

Really glad you’ve got your sister nearby for support. If I was in your shoes I’d be getting my affairs in order to leave the marriage as his track record shows he’s not going to have a road to Damascus turnaround and sort himself out.

Thanks.

He won't do it himself and when I offered to push the GP to check his Hba1c again not all that long ago and for a fasting glucose, he told me not to and that he would do it himself.

So around and around we go. Earlier in the year I practically dragged him into the surgery and requested tests. The receptionist was a bit funny about it all though, I really do think a lot of prediabetics are kind of left by the wayside and not monitored closely enough. I think they should be called in at least every 4 to 6 months.

I realise he was offered the nutrition classes and never went, and that he is the problem, but I do think the GPs should be more proactive. Again, it's time and money though, isn't it?

it is indeed time and money.

which will be wasted on people who do not take it in because they are not interested in making lifestyle changes.

so i don’t blame the nhs for not bothering with them. if they are keen they will be on the phone to the gp telling them they need help.

hes a foodaholic. addicted to junk food. he duesnt want to change. and just like an alcoholic you cannot make him. he had to make that decision himself. hopefully being alone for a few days will make him see sense. if not i’d leave. sorry op

They really should change the name of prediabetes. Because it doesn’t really mean what people think it means. It doesn’t mean you’re fine but might get diabetes… it means your glucose control is less efficient meaning you are becoming more insulin resistant.

The sweet smell isn’t a good sign. Diabetes UK specifically notes that a value below 48 mmol/mol does not exclude a diabetes diagnosis using glucose tests. He needs to return to the GP - tell him uncontrolled diabetes can make him go blind.

An estimated 6.3 to 7 million people live with prediabetes in the UK. It’s not their GPs job to push and bully them into caring about their own health.

Even a 5% loss of weight has a significant clinical reduction in rates of diabetes development.

Strong smelling sweat can be a give away of high blood sugars/ full blown diabetes. (I am diabetic and have been over 20 years)