Suggestions for Christmas gifts

[TreacherousPissFlap]

As the title says really...

DH has a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and has been in a care home for the last 3 weeks. It's been a rocky path to get there but he seems happy and has settled well so that's something at least.

I've got no idea what to get him for Christmas (and other people are also bound to ask me as they couldn't possibly think for themselves 🙄)

So far I've got a nice frame which I'm going to put a photo of DPup in. And then.... nothing

He's always had an insanely sweet tooth but there's 2 boxes of chocolates in his room untouched as I just don't think he registers they're there.

I've suggested his adult son makes a photobook with photos of all the grandchildren in. Whether he does that or not who knows but I think it's definitely something he would like.

He has no interest in toiletries beyond the very basics and now needs to be strong armed into using even them.

He doesn't read, although he may still look at pictures in a magazine (if he hasn't lost his glasses!)

No interest in jigsaws or anything of that nature

No requirement for more socks, pants or hankies. I suppose a nice jumper or something might be suitable but it just seems like I would be buying something for the sake of it 🤨

He's always been difficult but it looks like he's surpassed himself this year 😆

Once my parents were in care homes and didn't really 'get it' I would get them something small to unwrap and then buy jigsaws, books, garden plants etc for the carehome instead. If you want to do that the Manager/activities will know what would be useful for them. Even something like an animal visit - I bought a visit from shetland ponies one year

@helpfulperson thats actually a lovely idea, thank you

Electronic digital frame to show a range of photos
Strap/chain or stand for glasses
If he’s missing your pet something like this? Various breeds.

https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/collections/robotic-pets-and-companions/products/precious-petzzz-cockapoo?variant=46667588272282

I think my only advice is to go off-piste, think laterally and be prepared to wrap up things that are not traditionally presents. This is my third Christmas with my dad living with me (Alzheimer’s) and he is getting sellotape, blutack and envelopes in his stocking, several little bags with multiple pockets, several notebooks of different sizes and a load of different biros and pencils. Those are the things he rummages with incessantly, so those are the things I think he’ll understand and be happy to see.

Fiddle muff

My mum was deeply confused and distrustful of the digital photo frame, but quite liked a photo book with very clear titles like ‘cmotsmum aged 20 when she was a teacher’ or ‘cmotsmums grandson x’ so also carers could talk to her about people.
one of the best things I got her was a press the picture for music book aimed at toddlers which she loved, it was the Nutcracker and the tiny bits of very familiar music got through (I cried a lot though that this was my mum now). She also adored her cat toy which moved like it was breathing, she’d sit for hours with it on her lap

@sprigatito that's so thoughtful. Unfortunately DH just sits. All day. Unless he's looking out of the window. I know you should be careful what you wish for but a bit of rummaging would break the day up a bit 😲

@CMOTDibbler DM has a Skylight frame which she is very on board with and thoroughly enjoys. I'm not sure how DH would cope, his reactions are very slow and I wonder if it would be frustrating for the photo to disappear before he's fully got it in his mind who it is IYSWIM? I may look at something a bit less low tech.

I had also wondered about a soft toy. It's quite hard because he is physically still quite able, it seems such a big step to start buying children's toys and books, though one that I realise I'll have to take soon.

My FiL had a bird feeder outside his care home window, he still enjoyed a tot of whiskey each night, we made sure he had new proper slippers each year, and updated PJs we also bought jigsaws, word search books etc for the care home.

There was a resident fridge/ freezer which you could add the persons favourite ice cream. cheeses, pate etc… we stocked all that up for him and made sure he had all
his favourite festive foods. The grandkids also decorated his room.

Its so hard, but hope this helps xx

What about a bird feeder that attaches to the window? Maybe drawing the birds closer might interest him?

Or a houseplant? Anything that visually makes his room nicer.

Relish is a good website selling jigsaws, puzzles etc that are adult themed but simplified. He may never pick them up to do himself but are good for you and other visitors to with him.

I bought my mum, who has dementia, some music CDs - she responded best to the music she'd have heard in her childhood, I did try some music I know she liked when she was in her 20s and 30s but it didn't seem to register.

Something he can play music on. A small speaker/dot/nest that can be connected to Spotify etc and have his own playlist on if he is that way inclined. Or CDs and a little personal CD player or his favourite band in concert in dvd. You can also get specialised music players for people with dementia.
Music is a super effective therapy.
Photo albums are also a great idea especially with annotations of who is who.

Fidget blankets to help maintain dexterity.
You can get specialised clocks which will denote d/m/y, the time, what day of week and if its morning/ noon/ night.

Another great therapy is sense of smell. Perhaps a lotion of aftershave he used to wear or a lotion that you use. Anything that is familiar to him.

Other than that it could be a nice super soft blanket, slippers etc.

@Rainingasusual Ha ha, we both have rain-inspired names and we both suggested music 😊

if others ask you for gift suggestions - maybe a visit would be appreciated more than a physical gift? my uncle had alzheimer’s and it made a big difference to him when people came to visit.

Ahhh that's lovely 😍 I'm in a community choir and we sing in care homes and dementia cafes regularly. It's amazing how music from childhood/teenage years really perks up so many of the people we meet. It's like a switch is flipped quite often 🎶

I used to buy my DM a jumper, exactly the same as her others but in a different colour.

Now her Dementia is more advanced I buy her usual toiletries but in a gift set. My DB buys her chocolates and the staff give her a couple with her coffee each day.

The care home have Santa who gives each resident a toiletry set.

I'm quite emotional reading all these lovely suggestions 🥹

@Stompythedinosaur the bird feeder is inspired! DH used to be an avid bird watcher and is also a pro at staring out of the window. His window is not the most welcoming to birds but they're not expensive so worth a punt, thank you!

He has a DAB radio that he's torturing the staff with Classic FM on. It's a nice background noise but I'm not sure he remembers to turn it off or whether it's been on since the day he moved in!

I've just bought some nice M&S chocolates so that's a step in the right direction 😉

I’ve got my Mum this

https://amzn.eu/d/0hPJHtAI

I was advised by the local dementia group that she might find it very relaxing as we lost our dog in September and she worshipped him

this was out of stock on the dementia website so I just got from Amazon

I wonder if a specialist radio as mentioned by @Rainingasusual might be easier for him to manage?

My MiL loved her life size toy ginger cat

I couldn’t agree more, my DM hasn’t know who I am for around 2.5 years but play some Elvis and her hand and feet start tapping to the music. She love hymns and carols too.

Does he have a tv? Maybe a little dvd player and then others could get him box sets of old tv shows or movies that he used to enjoy watching.

FIL used to love his ‘pet cat’. He would sit for ages stroking it.

He doesn't have a TV, the consensus was that initially at least it would be better for him to be downstairs in the communal area. He does tend towards being quite insular so I think the staff were quite right on that front.

I'll have a chat with the staff when I get a chance and see what they recommend, thanks again everyone 🙏🏼

We made Dad a scrapbook which contained everything from family photos to little cut out pictures of films/books/places and sports he once loved.
We even included a Mars Bar wrapper that he used to be an absolute demon for and he pointed at it and laughed even though he hadn't wanted the real thing in ages.

An awful, awful disease 💔 sending you strength & positive thoughts xxx