Help...What do we need to do?

[IceyBisBack]

My mother in law is 82 and Father in law is 86. Both have been suffering memory loss but coping quite well. Both physically fit & healthy but mentally struggling.

Now getting days & dates mixed up,needing constant reminders and unable to manage own appointments, schedules etc.
Th

Both just been in a car, pulling to a space and scratched the side of the next car. Neither knew that it had happened. MIL has a speed awareness course next week but I'm not sure she should be driving. Despite telling them numerous times the course on 3rd August, they both went this morning and nearly missed the car bring collected for repair. MIL had bloods done but just showed excess Iron and no follow up until mid August.
We need some help. What do we need to do?
There are POA in place for health & wealth.
Please help, I'm so worried about them driving anywhere.
Kerry

Are they both driving or just MIL ?
You can report anonymously to the DVLA although it will take months for anything to happen.
Other people will come on the thread and tell you to take their car keys away now before they kill a young child. Thing is it’s a big step and hard to come back from.
I would stop reminding MIL about her driving course. If she doesn’t turn up to it may result in her losing her license which sounds like the best end result for everyone.

I agree with @rookiemere - don’t help them keep the course appointment or otherwise support with admin. Also report to DVLA to get that ball rolling as health and care professionals can be reluctant when you ask for help with being ‘mean’ (even if you stress the safety worries!).

We supported with lifts to most places where possible so there was virtually no driving until licence report took effect. Looking back, if we had simply left the 3 year renewal to do themselves they would have lost licence months earlier as they didn’t have the capacity to deal with the admin.

@IceyBisBack

as @rookiemere has mentioned, it takes time for DVLA to process but it would be sensible for you to inform them on;
0300 790 6806 (Monday to Friday, 8am to 7pm) or by post at;
Drivers Medical Group, DVLA, Swansea, SA99 1DF

However, if you could get their Doctor to notify them, as urgent, it's usually much faster

Immediate options could be disconnecting the battery, removing the spark plugs etc..?

We went through this with my dad. It's very difficult if the person themself doesn't recognise the problem. Your only route is to report to the DVLA but my experience was they contacted my dad, he told them he was fine and that was that. It took formal diagnosis of Alzheimer's some time later to get him to stop and even then we had to specifically ask the consultant to tell him to stop.

In the meantime you only have what you can persuade them to do. The only success we had was getting him only to drive short distances that he was very familiar with (he did agree to stop driving further than that). We offered to drive whenever we could under the cover of wanting to spend time with him but we live far away so couldn't do every journey.

It was an extremely stressful period and I would like too see the law made tighter as it seems very toothless in these circumstances.

Doctors do not report to DVLA. They complete reports for them

My experience was a doctor wouldn't get involved without a formal dementia diagnosis. My dad was barely known to his GP as he was physically very well, so they effectively told us they didn't have the evidence.

Thanks...this is the problem we have...they are both physically healthy. Tried to ask then to do POA for health as DH already has finance..... WW3 started

Thank you ...yes MIL is only doing short distances but still managed to scratch another car and get a speeding ticket

When my parent was diagnosed, it was the diagnosing consultant who told my parent they had to go for a driving assessment at the advanced driving centre. If they hadn't, the consultant would have informed DVLA. This way, the decision was taken out of our hands.

Do they have a formal diagnosis?

I understand. We went through this with my DF in his 90 s. He needed to renew the license. I sat with him on a visit and went through the questions to help him fill them in, He could find an answer to cover every question. The questions just seem to err on the side of “if we don’t have evidence, just carry on driving. Stubborn 90+ year olds can find it really hard to lose their form of transportation.

My DD, listening in was furious. It had been a couple of years since she would allow him to drive her anywhere. She did not feel he was safe. She said that I should not have helped him fill in the form. Naively I assumed a couple of the questions would have highlighted his issues. They didn’t.

In the event he hardly used the car again. He didn’t want to leave the house. He told people that we had stopped him rather than that he did not feel up to it.

Im not sure what the answer should be. My instinct is to say that there should be a doctor exam from perhaps 85 yrs. I’m sure doctors would complain about the workload - but we have to have the car examined by professionals once it reaches “a certain age”, why not the driver??

@IceyBisBack Im not sure if you dare address POA again. Can you persuade your parents that it only comes into play when necessary. It is because you want to support their interests SHOULD they become unwell (ie no longer have capacity to consent). Our parents filled the forms about 12 years before we used it. Mum and Dad actually asked for it to be set up. It felt morbid at the time but thank goodness. You cannot wait until they are no longer able to take decisions. That would be too late.

It has meant that we have been able to follow their wishes when medical staff had a different opinion. They had a respect form too - in fact we should all fill in one. I’m in my 60s and hopefully have a good few healthy years left. I still keep meaning to discuss POA and respect forms with my daughters.