Tricky decision

[Hihosilver123]

I posted a couple of days ago about my mother who is end stage dementia. Over the last few days she has started to ‘pool her secretions’ and is struggling to clear them. She can do some coughing, but there is a rattle. She’s also barely able to eat or drink as it makes her cough and she spits it out. She’s in a care home and the district nurse has started to come in and administer Hyosin to try and dry up the secretions. The GP has sent over the anticipatory end of life medication to her care home but it’s not being used yet.

my dilemma is that I have a long planned holiday booked next week, for a week and I don’t know what to do. I’m know that the end is near, but I’m not sure if we’re talking weeks or days. Really tricky situation. Does anyone have any experience or tips?

It’s a tricky one. I’m sorry you’re in this position @Hihosilver123

Is she otherwise well? As in no pressure sores, no current infections etc?

Will you be overseas or in the uk?

She is otherwise well. No infections or bed sores. I’ll be in Europe so able to get back. Tricky.

It’s usually days at this stage OP. I wouldn’t go. So sorry 💐

I’ve seen people stay like this for a couple of weeks, but equally pass away within a few days.

On balance I think I’d stay home. Is there any scope to move the holiday?

I’m usually the first to say ‘go’ but it does sound as if the end is close. If there is a chance to postpone, I think I probably would: I might wait a day or two though as it really might be that soon.

What happened, OP? Your experience might help others. Wishing you well.

Sadly she died whilst I was away after suddenly declining. I don’t regret going though. It was a sad and lonely journey home but I’d said my goodbyes and it was her time to go. It’s been a long, long decline so we’re just glad that she’s not suffering any more.

💐for you OP. Very sad.