I just need to get some thoughts down.
Four years ago my healthy, active 71 yo DF developed shingles. The rash was on his head and in his eye. He was completely knocked for six by it - he had never been ill at all before this - and took a long time to recover. He hasn't been well since and was diagnosed with dementia a few months later. He has aphasia- he can't put have a conversation anymore and is incontinant. He looks so frail and sleeps a lot.
My DM has to keep the all doors locked as he will wander off - he has been lost a number of times and has been found miles away confused and unable to say his name or where he lives. Luckily he has an id bracelet.
I live 1.5 hours away from my parents but see them once a week - sometimes more - but I feel so useless. I hate what this disease is doing to him and my mother. I dread what the future holds and panic every time the phone rings.
I feel like I'm mourning him already because so much of the essence of him has gone. He is the most intelligent man I know. He had a very successful career and was a respected orator - it is just do fucking unfair that anyone has to suffer this living death.
Thanks for reading - I'm not sure if it makes sense. I'm just venting.