Dementia

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My mother is 90 years young and is displaying all the signs of dementia. However she absolutely refuses to tell her doctor. As a family we are coping with her mood swings, delusions, paranoia decreasing language and speaking skills and depression. We don't feel like we have anywhere to go for as long as she has capacity we can't get anyone to help her. Does anyone have any thoughts/ideas?

What is she practically struggling with? Can she take care of herself at all? How is she eating, drinking, managing her medication (if any)? Budgeting?

She can cook her own meals but wont throw out leftovers because the dustman wont take it apparently.. She can shower herself but leaves the shower running. Cant remember her childrens names; has taken against the neighbour who used to look in because she "leaves things" and has swapped her outdoor tv aerial (none of which has happened as far as we can tell). Mum doesnt understand money anymore anything that ends in a zero could be 2 or 20 or 200.:(

In this very bad situation, the good news is that having capacity is not a simple 'you have it - you don't have it' situation - your mother can be perfectly capable of doing and deciding some things, but not others, and this means you could start to offer/ get help with some things only.

I don't know what information you have got so far - this is the link to one of the fact sheets of the Alzheimer's society (of course she may not have Alzhimers at all).

If you can think through the risks that she is running, it might be the time to request a community care assessment? There is a link to that, further down the page of the link above. For example -

• risks being evicted because not paying rent, or paying the wrong amount
• risks having utilities cut off because not paying bills in the same way
• risks bankruptcy/starvation because giving money to all and sundry or to scammers
• risks illness because eats out of date food
• risks falls/damage to house/being refused insurance because frequently floods bathroom

etc etc.

The financial side is worrying because she sounds ripe for exploitation and it may be impossible to tell, if she starts accusing people, what's going on. It might be worth looking into going to the Court of Protection for an Enduring Power of Attorney, or registering one that she already has set up (disclaimer - I am very much not a lawyer and don't know whether it's Enduring or Lasting and what that all involves).

Thanks for this. That was all really helpful info. I will get going on the links and will see what can be done re the power of attorney. I know when my sister tried to talk to mum about this before she refused outright. These links will help us to investigate further. Thank you.