What non bedroom things does your wife/partner do for you that makes you feel special?

[domesticallychallenged]

I need to know as my DH is feeling neglected both in and out of the bedroom

Always puts her hand on my leg as we're driving.

Is generally encouraging about me going to watch football in the pub or live, and asks reasonably perceptive questions about football afterwards, even though she couldn't care less.

She once met me in the city centre and handed me her warm knickers she'd just taken off. It made our evening together very sexy.

domesticallychallenged - would you be willing to tell us a little more about why DH feels neglected?

My DW does lots of little things. She makes me laugh a lot. She sometimes wears a dress that she knows that I really like, she compliments me on how I look in clothes she likes me to wear. We shop for clothes together. We go out to lunch on our own together without kids on 1 day each week - just as a couple. She stimulates my mind and engages intellectually with me.

In the bedroom, well that is too private for me to talk about even on MN, but every so often DW will drape her arms round my neck some time during the day, kisses me and whispers in my ear 'lets go to bed early tonight'. Builds up a little expectation.

We are together 24/7 so keeping things alive takes effort from both sides. After 25 years, I am still very happy and that is despite some very severe ups and downs in our life.

Speaking as a wife...

I'll text 143 sometimes when he's at work...we both work shifts so are like ships that pass in the night often.

Old fashioned, but have his tea made when he comes home...make him his favourites even if they aren't mine...

hold his hand when we're sitting together on the sofa. Watch football/rugby with him despite not being into it myself. Do little things for him...like, erm, oh gosh I can't think now...he says stuff like "I'm so lucky to have you" but I now can't think why!

Sit and chat to him whenhe's in the bath...snuggle up to him in bed whether it's for nookie or not...arrange stuff to make his life easier...get cash out of his bank for him if he needs to take it into work for the lottery etc, I save all my 20p's in a jar for kids tuck shop/odd bits of shopping/get him a takeaway now and then (I don't particularly like them, he loves them).

It isn't all one-sided...what does HE do for you that makes you feel loved? Maybe do stuff like that in return?

I'm a firm believer that life as a couple doesn't get put on hold once children come along...get the kids to bed early, make a nice dinner, have a glass of wine...watch a film, have an early night.

Everything [sorry]

We do the same for each other I think.

Ask how each other are. Say "I love you" [puke]. Kiss and canoodle. Be affectionate randomly - eg going to cuddle from behind while doing washing up. Show an interest in what the other has been doing. Smile.

oh god I've just realised this is dadsnet.... ignore me

from my dh

"understands my hobbies (drums/music) and supports my need for time and space to enjoy them. Respects me as an individual with my own interests. Sometimes just stops and looks at me and says I am gorgeous and really looks like she means it . Is sure of my capabilities/future" (he´s been studying and says i never seem worried about how it´s going because I know he´ll do well).

from me I would also say little things seem to give him a little glow of happiness when I do them; he loves his food so making him one of his favourite meals, making a cake or something sweet and surprising him when he gets in, having his coffee ready for him in the morning or after siesta (yes I know very 1950s), buying him a cd he´d casually mentioned, arranging a date night (sorting grandparents to babysit in advance etc)... letting him lie in longer in the middle of the week for no particular reason, that kind of thing..

Do you think he has a valid point? What does he do for you?

Mr Heated says:
-holding hands & teasing interludes
-shared looks of understanding/amusement
-quick cuddle/pat when brushing teeth/in the kitchen
-buying or making things only I eat
-laughing at my great wit
-picking/matching my clothes (colourblind)
-faith/pride in my professional abilities (same career) cares about and gets indignant on my behalf
-buys me things I never knew I needed (ipod black 80gb and docking station , a hosereel
-finds weird things about me appealing - the smell of my armpits
...and just stuff

Returning favours. My DH has made the first cuppa of the day and brought it to me for almost every day in 12 years together. Sometimes (not often!) I bring him one. It's nothing but means a lot.

Impromtu cuddles.
Touching, nothing rude if you don't want to, just holding hands at the park, sitting really close or a hug in Tesco.
Reliving an old memory, neither I or DH can even look at a can of squirty cream (anchor or such) without bursting into giggles.

Intimacy is not just about sex, it's about shared jokes, time together, being alone, laughing and valuing each other.

Thank you for sharing with me. I think we've got a bit swept up in the parenting business. Some good tips here though

sweep aside the toys on the living room floor,
put on some music that you both enjoy grooving to and have a little dance in the evening!

that always works for us

I could do with some of these, with DS1 (3 yrs) and DS2 (nine weeks) there doesn't seem to be much time for each other at the moment!

We are going out to dinner tomorrow though, yay! Taking DS2 with us but hopefully he'll just snooze in his pram all evening

Some lovely tips here, keep them coming!

SKYPE messages at work (free).

Little post it notes hidden in bags, pockets, clothes drawers, etc saying things like "I love you"