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Original poster

Is she having an affair

64 replies

upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:21

I do not want to make anyone else re live their own misery, but I have noticed certain things about my Wife that I think suggest that there is someone else in her life, and rather than list them all, I hoped maybe someone could tell mw what they think "the signs" are - I'm actually pretty certain there is someone else, and the question is not even "how long has it been going on" but "what do I do".

She obviously doesn't want to leave, I do not want her to leave, so how do I pretend it isn not happening?

Namechange, obviously.

OP posts:
WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 23:23

increased text messaging?

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:30

yup

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 28/12/2008 23:31

why pretend?
You can't continue like this can you?

You need to talk to her

WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 23:32

just about to switch off but thinking of you and your pain.

Try and be brave and do what you feel you have to do....for everyone I guess

CountessDracula · 28/12/2008 23:33

mentionitis?

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:33

Actually yes, I can pretend.

OP posts:
Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:34

mentionitis? What is that?

OP posts:
blinks · 28/12/2008 23:35

pretending is dumb

CountessDracula · 28/12/2008 23:36

OK if you want to pretend, fine.

Things won't get better though. Not unless you are prepared to deal with it. I guess you are scared she will walk if you say something???

Surely it is better to know that the person you love wants you than to be with someone on the back foot like this. If you are confident she doesn't want to leave then you could do worse than talk to her, really.

She could just be looking for some excitement, some flattery, etc and not want rid of you at all. It might just be the wake-up call for your relationship if you do say something (assuming it is as strong as you think)

beanieb · 28/12/2008 23:36

I think it's talking about 'them' all the time? Though that can be a red herring, I talk about male friends all the rime but I am not having an affair with any of them.

CountessDracula · 28/12/2008 23:36

mentionitis = suddenly mentioning someone else all the time

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:37

pretending doesn't break up the home. She clearly does not intend to leave, or she would have.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 28/12/2008 23:37

I feel for you, but I really wouldn't pretend. This happened to a friend of mine (although he swears he had no clue). His DW phoned him at 2am one night to inform him she wouldn't be coming home- ever. Left him devastated, and with the kids. If there is any chance you can save your marriage I think you need to talk to her about it

CountessDracula · 28/12/2008 23:38

Well if you feel it is worth having like this then you should let it be
Personally I couldn't live a lie

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:39

She does not mention anyone really - I mean maybe I am completely wrong, but there are other things. I don't expect her to love me forever, I never did. Christ, it might not even be a man.

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 28/12/2008 23:39

Mobile being literally glued to her
Lots of texting
Being out more
Taking more time over her appearance

Best thing you can do is to talk to her.

thumbElf · 28/12/2008 23:40

talk to her. Ask her if she is ok, if everything is ok, is there anything that is missing in her life, anything you can do to make it better. Make it about her, not about you.
Then she will either tell you and you can decide together what to do about it, or she will lie and you can continue in confusion, or start looking for concrete proof.

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:41

I think you are probably right Countess - I do not care who it is.

OP posts:
ThomcatIsForLifeNotJustForXmas · 28/12/2008 23:41

How about a situation where you say something like 'I know you're not happy, but anything you did I could forgive as long as you ended it and we make a real go of things not just for our sake but the kids. There is nothing we can't survive' - ??????? And then you carry on chopping carrots???????

Original poster
upsetdad · 28/12/2008 23:42

OK, shiny just hit several nails on their heads, I am going to stop asking, I would rather not know, thanks, sorry to have wasted anyones time.

OP posts:
ThomcatIsForLifeNotJustForXmas · 28/12/2008 23:43

But pretending you don't notice might be the nail in her coffin.
Often people want to be found out so what's wrong can be fixed?????????

ShinyPinkShoes · 28/12/2008 23:46

Sorry

thumbElf · 28/12/2008 23:50

agree with Thomcat - sometimes it is just a cry for attention so that you can manfully* fight for her and prove how much you care and want her, rather than sit back and let someone else steal her away from under your nose.

    • am not suggesting you are not being manly here - just that sometimes an overt display of manfulness helps.
beanieb · 28/12/2008 23:50

If you know she doesn't want to leave then surely it is better to let her know, you know. That is when you know for sure. But why are you asking the question if knowing for sure would make no difference?

maidenvoyage · 28/12/2008 23:52

Please dont pretend that you have not noticed what is going on, I did that and when he finally left I asked the reason why and the response was " I lost respect you acted as though nothing was happening". I shut him out previously my mum had died and was grieving so it was easier to pretend that he was working etc. I now think it would of been better to confront him before he got to far into the "affair". They are now married