Things Men Need

[UnquietDad]

Following on from this list compiled by some vacuous fashion-obsessed airhead

here

is there a sensible list we can compile of Stuff Men Need?

Deffo a shed.
With a workbench.
And a big board on the wall with the tools hanging on it.

And a FUCKOFF big vice.

A motorbike.
A shed.
LOTS of computers.

And no lip.

Thank you.

dp desperately NEEDS some high quality speakers atm,apparently

He desperately needs his 1960's wah wah pedal "What have you done with it???It's irreplaceable...they don't make them any more!What have you done with my effects pedal?I can't find it anywhere?" This was after,whilst he was in hospital I spent the afternoon hauling tons of electrical and musical equipment up to the newly converted loft (His own little music haven).He was in a right strop.Eventually,after I get hot dusty and sweaty crawling around in the spaces under the eaves,getting itchy fibre glass all over me we find the blasted wah wah pedal and effects pedal stacked neatly in the cupboard IN PLAIN VIEW WHERE I HAD LEFT THEM BUT HE HADN'T LOOKED PROPERLY.

Oh yes and tools.Thousands of blimmin tools.Tons of random wires and cables.At least 4 guitars.Lots of guitar strings.

aargh.We have had WORDS(can you tell??)

in no particular order
sandwiches
fitba
cuddle
clean keks
alcohol
internet
jiggy jiggy
matching socks
exclusive access to remote control
loud laughter at his jokes

A conviction that anything can be mended with WD40 and/or duct tape.

Copious amounts of WD40 and duct tape.

The Yellow Pages to call someone who can actually fix the item in question.

Oh, pish.

A man who dicks around with duct tape and then has to call somebody to do the job for him is an eedjit, not a stereotypical bloke.

Have tools. USE the tools.

And less lip, please.

Dh is bewildered.

He wonders why no-one has mentioned golf clubs. (3 sets)

And two sets of trousers per suit as the crotch seam always rips.

Two laptops.

Two mobile phones.

Copious amounts of home-cooked food.

Divers watch.

And me. (simper)

A Hip Flask
A Micrometer
A set of UNF taps and dies
A Pillar Drill
A Soldering Iron
A Tin of Brasso
A Pair of Brogues
A Pair of Silver Collar Stiffeners
A proper Bow Tie (i.e. not a ready tied one)
Several Jam Jars full of Wood Screw from his late Grand-Father's Workshop
A Revolver - preferably a top break Webley or a Colt New Service but both chambered for .455 Webley
Leather Laces in his black Oxfords
A Slide Rule
A Wood Burning Stove
A Paraffin Blow Lamp
A 12lb Sledge Hammer

N.B. My lists are by no means comprehensive or exhaustive and I have, at some time, owned all the above except for the Squirell Army (but I live in hope).

What's a Squirrell Army? Is it as cute and fluffy as it sounds?

The Janitor on Scrubs has one;

scrubs.wikia.com/wiki/Squirrel_army

My DH said that the list was so far very comprehensive. Only thing missing was an "absorbent sock" or equivilent by the side of the bed!

Should I divorce him?

He's a bad man

Don't even mention the generator! Why? Why? I suppose we'll be OK in the event of nuclear war!

My DH is obviously sure that a nuclear war is due - it is his reason for not going for the snip ie he needs his sperm to repopulate the world. It's tragic isn't it!