Things Men Need

[UnquietDad]

Following on from this list compiled by some vacuous fashion-obsessed airhead

here

is there a sensible list we can compile of Stuff Men Need?

odd gender role-reversal going on here, n'est-ce pas?

it's ordinarily men who accuse women of having a sense of humour failure when they fail to laugh at some 'witty' generalised observation about their gender.

ho hum.

Pan, correct me if I am wrong, but Barcode (presumably male) has just done precisely that to me (definitely female).

Ah Pan, don't feel put upon. I see no generalised observations made by women on here, just some rather sweet reports of domestic quibbles. Surely you can see the difference?

"Spreadsheets lassie...we love 'em don't we lads?"

Love isn't a word I'd use.

Making them pays for the things I need...

(Such as samurai films, computer games, books about medieval history, Leffe, vodka, new socks, loose tshirts for me, tighter tshirts to keep the missus happy.)

...but it's a more a love of being expert, rather than the thing itself.

Ok UD, I've checked that womens list and the only thing I come vaguely close to owning is a watch and I certainly wouldn't fit in anything I owned at 22! I have however found an omission from the list of what men need. My dh decided he NEEDED, had to have a cement mixer (it was on special after all), despite the fact that at the time we lived in a council house that we weren't allowed to alter at all. The reasoning was that we could use it if the washing machine should break at any time.

In my experience, these are the top three things that men most require

1. Clear instructions
2. Clear instructions
3. Clear instructions

5 mountain bikes it seems

"5 mountain bikes it seems"

I think you'll find that's four bikes worth of functioning spares distributed across five bike frames...

A Monkey
A Squirrel Army
A Moped
A Primus Stove
A Tilley Lamp
A Swiss Army knife
A Gieves and Hawkes tweed jacket
A Rolex DateJust
A Classic Car - preferably the same as the one his dad had 30 years ago.
A Fast Car
A White Van
A Workshop
A Boiler Suit
A Pair of Steel Toed Boots
A Shoe Horn
A Pocket Watch
A Cashmere Scarf
A Pair of Pigskin Driving Gloves
A Lieca
A Bespoke Shirt
A Troubled Past

Forgot to add professional quality power tools and a MIG or, preferably, a gas welding kit.

Remember there's no shame in not owning decent power tools - just like there's no shame in carrying the wife's handbag for a bit.

Has anyone mentioned the wide screen TV yet? Or the big box of complicated remote controls so that even I can't work out how to switch Cbeebies on?

Barcode is indeed deadpan, Iorek - avoiding emoticons is obviously morally v.good, but can be problematic.

I am beginning to doubt DH's masculinity, based on this thread. Millions of CDs bought after hearing only one song plus a firm belief that dd was not the result of an immaculate conception are the only things I'm clinging on to right now.

A SLAP

A BRAW for their moobs

A huge, hard-backed book about classical history/ 20th century politics/ evolution (including billions of finely drawn illustration of weird mutant insects), with a bookmark abandoned for eternity exactly half way through.

Any random bits of wood, for building unlikely to ever be completed tree house
Railway sleepers
Random places to deposit change and bits of paper from work which I just throw away treat with much care
Things that are mechanical and on offer in Aldi
Any bits of cable or lead or plug thingy that goes on the end of same
Good shoes that are a bargain in TK Maxx to wear with his Sainsburys £12 jeans
Things for the garden which never get used

He is lovely really though, not nearly as manky as this makes him sound

A Scottish woman who loves welding, power tools and gadgets......

If you're one of those dark Scottish women with latina looks then I need to add you to the list

Complicated watch that can dive down to 2 miles.
Torches.
A cave study.
Shed containing old bike not used, old bike gloves, bike. tools, spare bike wheels, bike gears.
Millions of tiny cast metal models
Lots of small pots of paint for models.
National Geographics.
Ray Mears Bushcraft book
Courier style bag-NO other style.
Unless a rucksack of course.
Max strength Lemsip.
Masses of loo roll.
Radio in bathroom.
Beer for watching/listening football with.

Definitely need the following if I was on a desert island:

1. Good wife

1. Random wire, string, bolts/nuts, screws

1. No Nails' adhesive - indoor and outdoor because it mends everything

1. Laptop + broadband + solar panel

1. Tools

With those things I could live the rest of my life very happily.

I know there are a lot of Scottish-Italians in the Kingdom of Fife. A good friend's family ran (and still run)chip shops and ice cream parlours in Lower Largo and around the rest of Fife. Her claim to fame is that she snogged Jack Vetrianno at school

Can't agree with you on the tires - my 1927 Ford Model T has a stonking 8 litre V8 kicking out 300BHP. That runs on tall, narrow wobbly crossplies. It'd be girly to use anything else.