Wife slaps and punches me in arguments

[AnonymousAnonym]

Hi, I have been married for over 15years. We have two girls under 7. My wife slapped me in the face multiple times, punched me in the chest and shoved me around during an argument…again.
This has been happening roughly every 4-6 months in our married life, right from the start. She’s much smaller than me so it never really leaves any signs or injuries on me. I have never hit her back and never would, but I have reached the point where I genuinely dont know what to do. I do love her, and my kids are my world. Is this domestic abuse? What the hell do I do?
As always, sometimes the argument is caused by me and sometimes by her, but I’m sure arguments are normal in relationships, but is this kind of thing acceptable?

It’s domestic abuse, simple as that. It doesn’t matter her size, weight , gender - it’s domestic abuse.
Have you reached out to anyone else about it?
Well done for posting here regarding it, it’s such a difficult subject to talk about and one that very much needs to be.

https://mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/types-of-domestic-abuse/

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

It’s absolutely unacceptable.

Some women think it’s okay because they can’t really injure you, but it isn’t.

Seek counselling from a domestic abuse charity. I don’t know what the stats are like on women stopping violence.

It is definitely domestic abuse.
You need support and a way out of this.
No one deserves this.
Be kind to yourself and reach out to a friend or an online organization which deals with domestic abuse.
Stay strong.💐

This is domestic abuse.
Would you like to split up?

No it is not acceptable, not in a million years, violence is never acceptable.

It is domestic abuse and your wife is being a dreadful role model to your children.

Please speak to someone about this, there is an organisation that deals with male victims of domestic violence. Please don't just stay quiet and put up with this.

Of course it’s not acceptable. It’s domestic abuse. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.

My lovely DP also experienced this with his ExW. How does she treat the children?

Can you leave? Can she be trusted with your DCs?

Of course it’s not normal or acceptable it’s assault and you need to call the police/report.
Do you want your children to grow up and accept intimate partner violence?

Not really no, for my kids sake. She had no problem doing it in fro t of them either

It's so so brave of you to actually speak out about this. You can report it online on the 111 website if this would be easier

Yes @AnonymousAnonym your children will grow up believing that violence is acceptable in a marriage and it is not, ever.

Please seek help, peppermintteadrinker has very helpfully posted a link for an organisation that can help you.

No this is not acceptable at all and I'm so sorry that it happens to you. I know it's difficult but please reach out and speak to someone in real life who can help. Or the police next time. I hope you are okay

Please reach out for support.

https://mensadviceline.org.uk

Coming to terms with the fact that ones partner is a violent abuser is never easy. Having disagreements and arguments doesn't justify violence. The fact that she doesn't leave obvious injuries is not the point. The point is that she sees you as someone who deserves to be hit and that she's justified in hitting you. There's something fundamentally broken in how she sees relationships. Relationships rely on mutual trust and respect. But she clearly doesn't respect you, and it's impossible to trust someone who hits you.

Violence in relationships is rarely the only issue. Violent abusers are often emotional abusers as well. There's an excellent piece here https://drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html about the characteristics of dysfunctional relationships.

https://mankind.org.uk/ is an excellent source of information.

Echoing the others- this is domestic violence and completely unacceptable.
Your kids are also at risk as many abusers do not abuse just their partners.
I hope one of the many resources linked by other posters will help you.

It doesn’t matter who started the argument or what it was about, violence is never acceptable. Good luck to you and your family 💐

It’s domestic abuse, no-one should be expected to tolerate this regardless of whether it leaves a physical mark or not, as pp said it’s never just domestic abuse, there will be other forms of control or abuse as well.

I’m really sorry you are going through this, it’s not ok. Your daughters will also be affected by this, it’s important to remember that even if you believe you can keep tolerating it.

https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

This is not healthy for the children. For your kids sake (if I were you) I’d leave and make sure the kids were well away from this abusive woman.

No it is absolutely not acceptable.

Report her to the police.

If she has a pattern for her behaviour, could you secretly record it?

Many men are afraid of not having proof or worrying that they won’t be believed/the wife will turn it back around on them.

Witnessing DV is child abuse.
Your wife is not just abusing you, but she’s also abusing your children.

You need to end the relationship.
Are you concerned about her being alone with the kids?

DP and I occasionally argue but never like that. There’s no insults, no put downs and definitely no violence. We literally stick to the issue.

We both experienced violence from our former spouses and would never inflict that on each other and would never expose the children to that.

By hurting you in front of the children, she’s also hurting the children.

You need to leave.

Please leave and take the children with you.

Then leave her. That's not normal or healthy and she's leaving mental damage if she's making you think it's okay. Get fucking rid. You deserve love and respect as much as any of us. Not some two-faced unhinged Jekyll & Hyde fuckwit. It's also damaging your kids for them to be exposed to this (and they will know, whether they see it or not).

As others have said, please leave and take your girls with you.

Your wife’s behaviour is disgusting and not something your girls should be witnessing or normalising.

My children love their mum, and she loves them, how can I take this way from them? I feel like I need to be the one that leaves, but how can I leave my kids? I cant imagine that. I am genuinely concerned though that when they eventually get to their teens, and start provoking her like teenagers do, they will be getting the same treatment.