Issues surrounding re-registering my daughters birth

[pablo1988]

hi all,

need some impartial opinions -

• due to a relationship breakdown, my daughter was registered without me knowing. I was not named on her birth certificate, nor do I have PR at this time. My daughter also does not have my surname, instead carries my partners married name (same surname as her other kids). Because of this, I sought legal advice to obtain PR and get our daughters birth re-registered to include my details as her father and give her my name as well as my partners (I feel this is important for our daughters identity).
• me and my partner recently began to resume our relationship, despite our issues (too many to mention!) above all, I love her, and I saw a future with her.
• with the relationship starting off again and being in a good place, I wanted to address the issue of my daughter’s birth certificate, and booked an appointment to address this. I had told her several times that I wanted this addressed ASAP, BUT she took issue with my actions, saying I was going behind her back. Because of our original breakdown, she stated she was worried what I would do being named on her certificate, like I had other motives or try to take our daughter away from her. I had said that I would seek to have my daughter half the time, at the time of the breakdown.
• because I thought we were moving forward and working towards our future together, I feel that going through court to obtain PR and re-register her birth and give her my name is not necessary, however, she does not feel the same, stating that in both cases, I will be named on our daughters certificate, and just wants to do things the right way (though, to this day, I don’t know what that means!)
• because of her insistence of doing this through court, I do not see a way forward for us as a couple - I don’t feel like partners should make each other go to court for something that would take an hour down the registry office, together. I saw it as a way we could get one of our issues. Sorted and out of the way. She feels that the relationship could and should still continue even going through the court process, but that doesn’t make sense to me at all - I feel I’m having to fight my partner to obtain PR and be named on her birth certificate as her father. Safe to say that I will go to court to get this issue resolved, but I do not see how me and my partner can move forward if that is the case.

am I crazy, or is there logic to her reasoning? I feel pretty strongly that I shouldn’t have to go to court, but I wanted impartial opinions, if anyone would grace me with their thoughts.

thanks in advance :)

Your daughter doesn't need your name, she's not a chattel.

Re PR, if you actively parent your daughter then I agree you shouldn't need to go to court

I'd probably agree to you being added to the birth certificate. I would not agree to the child's surname being changed as that has always been her name. You are being unreasonable by asking for that to happen

Not really sure why you want to change her last name - I’m guessing her mum is primary cater and baby lived with her whilst you weren’t together?

Just be there for your DD as much as you possibly can while she grows and she will always know her heritage from you - a certificate won’t be as important to your DD as your love and support.

I think it's important for children in most circumstances to have both parents names on their birth certificate, but the surname not so much. If your relationship was so bad your partner didn't add you at the time, and is still not cooperating its difficult to imagine you have a great relationship now.

Your relationship is fucked. It's not a relationship it's a power struggle.

For the love of god stay away from each other for each other's sake and you leave your poor daughter's name alone.

I was told my by solicitor that if I didn't agree to change my child's surname (which sounds like your partner is not willing to do) then it would have to be ordered by a judge at court - whilst my ex partner was being given PR at the same time - and even then it was highly likely that they would only double barrel the surname - not completely change it.

However, courts may also say no to double barrelling as the child has had this surname since birth.

I was not named on her birth certificate, nor do I have PR at this time
you go to court and that will be added.

My daughter also does not have my surname, instead carries my partners married name
why should she have your name. Having her mother’s surname is tradition and sensible.
same surname as her other kids makes even more sense she has her mother’s name.

Because of this, I sought legal advice to obtain PR and get our daughters birth re-registered to include my details as her father and give her my name as well as my partners (I feel this is important for our daughters identity).
it isnt important at all. Knowing her father and her father having an active role in her life consistently will give her stability, identity and connection with her father. Not her name.

me and my partner recently began to resume our relationship, despite our issues (too many to mention!)
what a terrible idea!

I wanted to address the issue of my daughter’s birth certificate, and booked an appointment to address this. I had told her several times that I wanted this addressed ASAP, BUT she took issue with my actions, saying I was going behind her back
you were. You are trying to bully her into changing your child’s surname to yours, rather than her mother’s. You have no right to do this.

Because of our original breakdown, she stated she was worried what I would do being named on her certificate, like I had other motives or try to take our daughter away from her. I had said that I would seek to have my daughter half the time, at the time of the breakdown.
she is right then isnt she. are you even in a position to have a child 50% of the time. Which includes week days. Is it what is best for the child?

I feel that going through court to obtain PR and re-register her birth and give her my name is not necessary
Your child has her mother’s name. She does not need your name.

I do not see a way forward for us as a couple
me neither. Youre obsessed with getting your own wag on her name. She already has a name.

have you ever been described as a bully?

It struck me that you are calling it the mum's married surname. It doesn't matter how she came by it. Its her name and she has the right to name her child by it. I think you should try to let that issue go.

Clearly he thinks women just rent names from
men. They should be changed at the will of men.

Count how many times you use the words my and I in your post.

now count the number of times you use the word our

now count the number of times you use the word daughter

Who is the main focus of your post? Who gains from changing the child’s name? What is gained from changing the child’s name?

Why MUST she have YOUR surname @pablo1988 ?

You are not being unreasonable, she is saying one thing and then doing everything she can to obstruct you. Your relationship is not a sincerely friendly one. I agree it is a massive red flag that you have to fight to get your name on your daughters birth certificate. Do you know why she doesn’t want you to have your daughter 50% of the time?

Because she is two months old! His name will be added if he takes it to court as he was advised in September.

Both my children have my surname (I'm the mother) and the father has actually never ever disagreed or challenged this, funnily enough.

We aren't in the 1920s anymore it's really not a big deal, children do not have to be marked by their fathers last name, it's really not necessary. If you're you're active father and play your part your daughter will know you're her dad without stamping her with your name.

Also, you say regarding your DD also having your name ‘I feel this is important for my daughters identity’….

Would you feel the same if she only had your last name and not her mums? Would you be fighting to have her mums name added to the birth certificate ‘for her identity’? Or is mum’s last name not so important as she doesn’t have a penis?

@ConnieTucker
Where does it say age of daughter? And my comment stands, shouldn’t have to go through court process and DNA tests to be added as a parent to BC if the mother is genuinely agreeing to it,

Why is everyone here so keen on having the mothers name on the birth cert but then try to convince a man it doesn’t matter and he’s selfish for wanting his name in there too? The kid is half his so why wouldn’t he want that? And in this situation clearly the mother is holding her status as “mother” over his head.

imagine someone refusing you PR of YOUR child?! It’s awful. Do we really believe that men don’t love their kids and it’s ok to just shut them out as we please??

unless this guy is leaving out that he’s a danger to the kid then that’s an atrocious thing to do.

also women’s surnames come from their fathers so it’s not like you can say it’s a feminist issue. They all come from men somewhere along the way.

and OP your relationship is doomed. There is literally no point in sugar coating it.
Is she prone to gaslighting you? Because your willingness to question and doubt yourself in this situation is odd to say the least.

Are you abusive? Do you have drug or alcohol problems? Are you likely to try to remove the child from the country?

Unless you answered yes to any of the above then OF COURSE it is not normal to take your partner to court to gain PR for YOUR child that she sneakily registered so you wouldn’t have a chance to be listed as the father!!!

She was born in september.

your comment, whether youre standing or not, is garbage.

funny, I think the same of yours, only yours is also sexist, you must be proud,

There's no reason for the child to have your name, and many good reasons for her to have the same name as her siblings.

She's a baby and you were asking for 50%? You only give a shit about yourself. It's not a suitable arrangement for a small child.

Wow. I think most people think the mothers name is more important than the father’s as 99% of the time when relationships break down, it’s the mother doing the majority of care for the child. Plus she went through the whole pregnancy/birth, so a name is the least she should get!

Also your comment about women’s surnames coming from their fathers is bollocks:
-Men’s surnames are usually their dad’s too, so just another man’s name
-Some women have their mother’s surnames
-Once a woman is born and given a surname, it becomes her name, to give on as she pleases - not somebody else’s name!

Absolutely fair to have both names as surname but make sure it's done legally.

Man registers his child without the mother - gives the child his surname and doesn’t put her on the birth certificate - he would literally be torn to shreds and be an utter bastard.
woman registers birth without father, giving child her Name - ‘what’s in a name’
the double standards on here are ridiculous sometimes.
theres obviously a back story to this but why can’t his child have his surname if he’s going to be a present father