Issues surrounding re-registering my daughters birth

[pablo1988]

hi all,

need some impartial opinions -

• due to a relationship breakdown, my daughter was registered without me knowing. I was not named on her birth certificate, nor do I have PR at this time. My daughter also does not have my surname, instead carries my partners married name (same surname as her other kids). Because of this, I sought legal advice to obtain PR and get our daughters birth re-registered to include my details as her father and give her my name as well as my partners (I feel this is important for our daughters identity).
• me and my partner recently began to resume our relationship, despite our issues (too many to mention!) above all, I love her, and I saw a future with her.
• with the relationship starting off again and being in a good place, I wanted to address the issue of my daughter’s birth certificate, and booked an appointment to address this. I had told her several times that I wanted this addressed ASAP, BUT she took issue with my actions, saying I was going behind her back. Because of our original breakdown, she stated she was worried what I would do being named on her certificate, like I had other motives or try to take our daughter away from her. I had said that I would seek to have my daughter half the time, at the time of the breakdown.
• because I thought we were moving forward and working towards our future together, I feel that going through court to obtain PR and re-register her birth and give her my name is not necessary, however, she does not feel the same, stating that in both cases, I will be named on our daughters certificate, and just wants to do things the right way (though, to this day, I don’t know what that means!)
• because of her insistence of doing this through court, I do not see a way forward for us as a couple - I don’t feel like partners should make each other go to court for something that would take an hour down the registry office, together. I saw it as a way we could get one of our issues. Sorted and out of the way. She feels that the relationship could and should still continue even going through the court process, but that doesn’t make sense to me at all - I feel I’m having to fight my partner to obtain PR and be named on her birth certificate as her father. Safe to say that I will go to court to get this issue resolved, but I do not see how me and my partner can move forward if that is the case.

am I crazy, or is there logic to her reasoning? I feel pretty strongly that I shouldn’t have to go to court, but I wanted impartial opinions, if anyone would grace me with their thoughts.

thanks in advance :)

Hang on, just realised something… are we saying she’s given the child her marital surnane? I.e the name she took when marrying her ex husband?
can you imagine anyone on mn saying that would be ok if this was the other way round? Er no!

thats not ok. At all. This is his kid. Not her ex husbands kid. And clearly she wasn’t into her maiden name and women keeping their surnames first time round! Really?!! This thread is crazy

You can't register without the mother's name.

It was hypothetical

She is still with and married to that man and it is also HER NAME.

It's her name and the name of her other children. Of course she would want to keep all the names the same

Is it possible to not put the mother on the BC?

@pablo1988 you absolutely should have your name on the BC, as in you should be listed as the father. I don't agree that your DDs surname should necesarily be changed to include yours unless you and the mother agree. But if its very important to you then absolutely pursue that through the courts. A judge may well agree to the names being double barreled.

At least I know how to spell stupid. Wonder what that makes you?

😂😂😂

So because she has children with multiple fathers. The father of this baby doesn’t get to give his daughter his name. Right ok
double barrelled would be fair

A man can only register the birth alone if they are married. I dont imagine the birth could be registered without the mothers name either

Multiple! How sexist!

I don’t know but it was a hypothetical situation

She is still with and married to that man and it is also HER NAME.

Nope, that makes it the name of the other man. Again imagine you were a mistress and had a baby and the father registered that baby with his wife’s surname which he had adopted at marriage. Not his surname, not your surname, his wife’s surname. The other woman’s surname. How is that ok?

It sounds to me like she doesn't trust your motives in getting back together with her. She feels that you'll dump her as soon as you've sorted the birth certificate. Maybe if you agree to go through a court process, that will persuade her that you are serious in your commitment to her and your baby.

I’m not sure how that’s sexist, She has children with more than one person, ie, 2 people, does that not count as multiple

OP sounds like he's interested in asserting what he thinks are his rights. I'm guessing the mother has concerns about PR because it would give him scope to assert control over her too. Anyone who doesn't think this is a possibility just hasn't experienced this kind of man.

It. Is. The. Mothers. Surname.
it is the child’s sibling’s surname.

are you just trying to sound like an idiot? What do you think the mothers name is? stop embarrassing yourself.

Yikes! The MRAs have entered the room! 😬

You can have your details added to the birth certificate, but you will not be able to change her name. It makes sense that she has the same name as her mother and her siblings.

You’re doing a great job of that yourself by thinking a husbands surname is his wife’s surname when it factually and clearly is not her original surname. Your village is missing you btw.

Absolutely.

Wow how sexist 😂😂😂but what about this hypothetical-would-never-happen situation…. !!!!! 😂

it is ridiculous.

Wow. Are you drunk on a Wednesday?

Pablo1988
I doubt you will much more than a handful of non-man hating replies. This is MN... almost without exception all men are abusive waster cock-lodgers ... and even if they haven't revealed themselves yet - they soon will do. Better LTB now and NEVER put his name on the BC !

Back here on planet earth I would be very upset if my mother had done this to me. A birth certificate is a statement of fact. In your daughters case father is not 'blank' or 'unknown' . She is dicking you around to prevent you from having PR and thus having EQUAL parental responsibility. The chances of this relationship continuing is remote . So I would crack on with it now.

You don't need a lawyer. It costs £215 to apply to the court to make an application for PR. (You need to get leave to apply first as at the moment they don't know on what basis you claim PR (these applications can be made by grandparents, guardians , parents, in fact complete strangers can apply. The court needs to understand if you should be given 'leave to do so' .
Download the form from HMCTS and get it sorted.
The name is not such a big issue. Unless it really matters to you. I changed my name to husbands out of choice and the kids have his surname. (As did I) however I have remarried and chose to take my second husbands name - so now I'm different to the kids ..

I would say that as your relationship is so precarious - it will be better for her to keep the same as her mother and siblings .. but ask the court if it can be double barrelled - and she can choose to use it or not when she's older .

Anyone who doesn't think this is a possibility just hasn't experienced this kind of man.
What kind of man is this? The OP wants parental responsibility for his daughter. What’s wrong with being the kind of man who takes responsibility for his children?