Have namechanged for this but have used this name before to talk about problems with dh, so thought I'd come back and use it to say s'thing nice about him (for a change ).
In the past dh has had problems with anger management. He has hit me. Not regularly - probably about 5 times in a 15-year relationship. Still unacceptable, I know (I honestly do not take it lightly), but this is not someone who gets pissed and beats up his wife every Friday night. Nonetheless, it's an issue. He has only ever hit me, and only in the throes of an argument when he felt I was losing control. He says he's never felt tempted to hit anyone else (e.g. our dcs), but I am worried about them as they get older and challenge him more. He knows his behavious is unacceptable on these occasions, but when it happens it's as if he can't control himself and has no idea of what he's doing until it's too late. He's always sorry afterwards and really tries to control it - hence the long periods between outbursts.
The last time this happened was earlier this year, over a really stupid issue. We've talked about it a lot since and dh has tried to take action to control his anger (e.g. taking more exercise and so on), but I am not convinced that this is something he can control on his own, iykwim.
Yesterday he went and spoke to his GP about this problem and has been referred to a counsellor in the GP practice who deals with these sorts of issues and who is going to talk to him and then see what she suggests as a next step.
I am so proud of him for doing this and asking for help. I know it was hard for him to admit it was a problem (he obviously doesn't see himself as a 'wife-beater' in the classic sense) and to go and ask for help with it. I know he really wants to do this for me and for the dcs and for our relationship as a family, and I really hope that this will help all of us.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell someone about this anonymously.