Shes always been a bit (at times a lot) nitpicky, naggy and critical, and has regular "moods" which are really obvious to me and others (not her)... but not to this extent, not without a more positive overall balance, and now the criticism mean more to me - my core desire and belief is to be a good dad - so it hurts when this is challenged, it's not like saying I didn't clean the cutlery to the right shine... Her positives usually far outweigh these criticisms, I love her massively, she's a rock, loyal, amazing mum, good to her friends and family and we share the same interests and humor...she's a superstar to me despite these little things, which currently feel a lot bigger
I have written some more offensive things down (I email myself - an example is when I said last week to that baby "I wish I didn't have to work so I could spend all day with you" and she chipped in with "no you don't, you don't want to see us on weekends"), but I'm not wanting to dwell in that past or make her feel guilty, I just want it to stop so we can move on. Bringing up nit bits i have always found pretty childish in relationships and would be rather ironic if I did it myself when her nitpicking is the thing that bothers me.
I'd happily talk to other dads and have a few friends a talk to, but the reality is that this won't solve my problem. My reality is that I'm getting criticised constantly, I've spoken to other dad friends who have naggy wives but there's usually some element of their wife seeing/admitting/understanding this. In my case, my wife doesn't agree it happens.
I don't think all the groups have necessarily been useful for my wife or us as a family, I genuinely am very happy she has the opportunity and clearly she benefits greatly from the support and social contact, but there's so many of them (further limiting our time together as a new family as any break I get she's usually out - and before it's suggested, I'm not jealous, just wish I saw them more), and so many different views from people who aren't actually invested in our life that people can share/transfer that I think it is maybe changing the way my wife views me and our existence together - framed no doubt by idyllic and probably highly filtered stories shared by others (I see the same in social media - people share their idyllic selves not their realities). I would join a dad's group if there was one for "dad mental health" or "supporting mums" but there's only ones on topics I have no interest in and I'm not going to force my agenda on others in such settings, hence posting on here and speaking to friends.
I get the point about having to manage someone else. My work is very stressful and I feel like I am managing several very hungry children all the time. My job is to manage so it is harder to be managed by someone else who doesn't understand or is uninterested in how to get the best out of me, say for example as my actual boss does: clear communication and expectations and balanced feedback. I'm pretty easy to manage if only the person managing me does this. Would work for my wife too.
All useful comments.