Need some reassurance

[jimmy94]

Hi All,

Just wanted to get some reassurance and advice about something that's troubling me.

We are currently 20 weeks pregnant and I've wanted to be a dad for a long time so I'm extremely happy and excited.

But one thing that's worrying me is that I've always been awkward around children and struggle to interact with them, and it comes so easy for other people. I'm worried that this is going to affect me with my own child.

Has anyone gone through a similar experience? Is it different for your own child?

Yes, it's completely different with your own child. It's a massive shock being responsible for this tiny vulnerable little person - you have that feeling "they actually let us bring this baby home and we are clueless what to do!" But you figure it out. And when you figure out what makes the little person smile and coo, it is just the best feeling ever. My DH transformed into an amazing dad right before my eyes, I never would have expected it. Both our kids adore him.

My best advice is, muck in! Just do as much as you can to be with the baby, go for walks in the sling, do bathtime, read books, tickle feet, clean up the vomit and poo, administer the Calpol when they are poorly- that's how you get to know each other. You can do everything except breast feed, basically. The more you take a turn in the care, the more bonded you will be.

Support your partner in the first instance.

Ideally, she should be in bed for the first couple of weeks, establishing breastfeeding. Make sure you've got a sling, a co-sleeper crib, that she sleeps when the baby sleeps and gets a break. Your job is to change nappies and provide refreshments

Follow your baby's lead, enjoy the cuddles and everything will flow from there. Good luck!

Yes me. I hated kids, hated baby sitting but when I had my own I was in love.

When we first had dd, dh was very cautious and kind of watched from a distance - busied himself with cooking, cleaning and looking after me. He is a big bloke and he thought he might hurt her. He loved her but it took him a while to be confident with her and I was always there and took over. What I should have done was made sure she was fed and clean and left them alone together. For him to smell her properly and just spend time holding her and looking at her. She was breast fed so permanently stuck to me.

By the time dd2 came along he just scooped her up and walked out of the hospital with her leaving me behind

I’m not with the dds dad now but he is a bloody good dad. They are constantly climbing on him and they tell each other they love each other every day. They idolise each other.

You don’t have to perfect when you baby comes, just try and get involved, look in their face a lot so they get to recognise you, hold her as much as possible. That little human is going to need protect of her/his dad so keep focusing on that.

Taking baby out for a walk in the sling is a great way for dad to bond with baby and simultaneously give mum a break. It gets them used to your heartbeat and smell and finding you comforting. Doing a shift of watching baby from say 8pm - midnight so mum can get a few undisturbed hours in bed is also super helpful.

Basically, you get out of a baby/child what you put in. If you invest time in doing your baby's basic care, changing their nappies, cuddling them, singing to them, showing them the world, the more you will know and love them and the more rewarding they are. As long as you know your child you'll never have to worry about how to speak to them or what to say.

@Respectabitch

Basically, you get out of a baby/child what you put in. If you invest time in doing your baby's basic care, changing their nappies, cuddling them, singing to them, showing them the world, the more you will know and love them and the more rewarding they are. As long as you know your child you'll never have to worry about how to speak to them or what to say.

Yeah I agree with this

Thank you everyone, you have definitely put my mind at some rest.

Co-sleeper crib arrived yesterday. And I do want to get a sling before they arrive.

I can't wait to get stuck in and bond with them, and at the same time helping my partner to get her much deserved rest

As others have said, it's completely different with your own child.

I was always very disinterested in children before we had our daughter. I never wanted to hold other people's babies, didnt know what to say or how to interact with older children. Then my daughter was born and everything changed. Now I love children, find them really amusing, know how to talk to them and love cuddling little babies. When they're yours it's just different and you naturally learn as you go. I promise you'll be fine.

Good luck @jimmy94. As long as you get stuck in and do your bit, you'll be a great dad and will love your child very much.

@jimmy94

Hi Op
I felt the same way,as a young mum too,
It is natural to feel nervous,apprehensive as its big life stage change for both of you as a individual and as a couple,

A lot of people couples feel like this first time around,perfectly normal feeling.
Its a exciting ,time but its fear of unknown isn't it.

Its different when its your own.
The only experience I had of children,was babysitting for my friend younger brother and sister a few times.

Have you got good support system with your family side and hers then?
Refreshing, interesting reading a male perspective on becoming a new dad to be.

the very fact that you feel nervous,shows how much you care and taking seriously becoming a new father.
I think you will be a good enough Dad,
Nobody is a perfect parent whether they are female or male.
It is a steep learning curve at times,but worth it,obviously its fun too.
Just make sure you both look after yourself,and get good support system in place.

Sounds like you're set @jimmy94 you're going to be a great dad!