Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Flip

Original poster

I feel completely left out

23 replies

jlark · 17/02/2019 13:05

My gf is a few weeks pregnant and everyone seems to be excited and it seems to be all she talks about.
We used to have long rambling conversations about all sorts but not anymore.
Does this stop at some point or is this the new normal?

OP posts:

NotANotMan · 17/02/2019 13:07

Are you not excited too?
She's still the same person but she's had life changin news. It's a bit odd that the other person involved in the life change feels 'left out' of conversation about it!

mummmy2017 · 17/02/2019 13:11

Then get the Haynes manual on babies, and invest in your child to be.

If you do this you will find your partner feels loved, and you can move on to other subjects ..

SandAndSea · 17/02/2019 13:15

It's only been a few weeks but you're making it sound like it's been going on for ages. Aren't you excited too?

Fantababy · 17/02/2019 13:18

Is it not your baby?

toomanyofthemnow · 17/02/2019 13:21

One of the most momentous things that can happen to a woman's body is happening inside her right now - and yes, it is very difficult to think about anything else when it is happening to you.

It is understandable that you feel the way you do, and it is very common.

witchy89 · 17/02/2019 13:23

She's probably just very very excited! And I'm sorry to say, but you have many more months of this! How come you're not excited too? I'd say that my partner and I have a healthy balance of normal conversation and baby conversation, I am aware that it's a different experience for him but he still enjoys talking about it!

witchy89 · 17/02/2019 13:26

And I agree with @toomanyofthemnow, it's a profound moment finding out your carrying a child and incredibly overwhelming. I know people all over the world do it every single day but it feels so special and amazing knowing that you are growing a baby! Nothing will ever compare!

Sjofn · 17/02/2019 13:35

I was guilty of this, especially with my first. I think I felt like the first woman ever to get pregnant. My partner indulged me mostly.

Is it really 100% of your conversations? That would be extreme. I think as well for lots of men parenthood doesn't feel real until they are actually holding the baby.

Indulge her for now. She'll come out the other side.

Original poster

jlark · 17/02/2019 13:36

Yes I am very excited I didn't mean to give the impression that I'm not and I do really love my gf and she means the world to me.
It's just that I miss having chats about other things.

OP posts:

BIWI · 17/02/2019 13:37

Have you tried having a conversation with her about this?

PaddyF0dder · 17/02/2019 13:39

Pregnancy is a stage of “becoming”.

Wait until baby arrives. If you think pregnancy is all-encompassing, what do you think having a baby will be.

It’s a major life change. Don’t expect things to remain as they were.

Karigan195 · 17/02/2019 13:41

😂😂😂 only a few weeks so you don’t even have the ‘pleasures’ of the full blown morning sickness, extreme tiredness and everything achy as it stretches. It’s probably going to get worse because it’s only going to impact on her more.

Join in. Read up a bit. Help her out and talk to her about it!

Original poster

jlark · 17/02/2019 14:13

Ok I'm reading up on this and I need to get my head around how she's changing and feeling.
It's like starting a new module and I need to read around the subject I get that. It's like being back at uni, which we only left a couple of years ago.
I still feel like a kid and she suddenly seems to be growing up, I'm going to have to keep up somehow.

OP posts:

Karigan195 · 17/02/2019 14:23

Don’t worry it’ll become more real feeling to you when you see scans etc. At the moment it’s nothing but a line on a pregnancy test :)

mummmy2017 · 17/02/2019 17:22

The biggest message I can give you is do things ..
The washing up needs doing all the time, no one thanks me for doing it, or tells me it needs doing.
Washing , sort a load put it on , and dry it afterwards.
Take your turn at night feeds or just being the one who is awake at 3 in the morning
Giving your partner a break from a baby, is so sexy..... If you spend a day working, yes we know you want a rest, but try spending all day being responsible for someone else... Where even the coffee break means your not alone....
You too can cook.... Shop ect.
Your a grown up... Don't turn your partner into your parent.. we resent it...

Original poster

jlark · 17/02/2019 17:39

I tend to do the cooking already because I like doing it.
My gf can't iron for toffee so I won't let her anywhere near my shirts which means It's easier if I do it all.
I am more than capable of looking after myself and my lovely gf and I resent the condescending tone that assumes I'm an idle waste of space who want's to be looked after by a woman.
I simply miss the conversations I used to have with the cleverest person I know.

OP posts:

kindler · 17/02/2019 17:51

Over time she’ll become both things - a mother and her own self who will want to reclaim her identity - just give her time! You sound smart and caring - it will become more real to you too as things advance. Best wishes, good luck and congratulations!

mummmy2017 · 17/02/2019 17:52

It was not meant to be nasty.
Your willingness to do things puts you at such an advantage, read the posts on here and see what most of us complain about...
You just have to bear with her for a bit, till she sees there are things to do, and talk about other than the baby

Original poster

jlark · 17/02/2019 19:38

Thanks for the advice I'm sure you're all right.

OP posts:

Firstimer703 · 17/02/2019 19:43

Having a baby is all consuming! My DH struggled during the pregnancy and it was a bit of a nightmare. Get some books, get a dad or pregnancy app and try to understand the stages that she's going through. That hopefully will help her to feel understood and allow her to talk about something else!

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/02/2019 17:27

jlark

Although you are excited, for a lot of men it doesn't seem "real" as you are not going through all of the stages, and may not seem "real" until later in the pregnancy.

MrFartPants · 23/02/2019 20:57

The biggest message I can give you is do things ..

The biggest message I can give you is to not make assumptions and be so condescending.

The guy said he missed talking about things other than the pregnancy. He didn't need advice on how you think he should live his life.

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 23/02/2019 23:18

Read the pregnancy and baby books and ask her about how she feels. It's weird being pregnant and the little things are the strangest. She may not want to share these things with other people. These conversations will probably tail off a bit soon.
Then plan some interesting things to do which you won't be able to do once the baby is here - theatre, concerts, cinema, maybe a weekend or holiday. But be aware of what she will be able to do (ie no wine tasting or sky diving😉) and cope with at different stages.
Your lovely partner is still there,but she is coping with huge changes to her body. You sound like a loving partner. If you don't want to feel left out, don't back off, get involved. Good luck.

Flip