Suffering in sikence

[luiceur]

I have become a first time dad a few weeks ago and although I see my partner and family very happy around the baby I can only feel guilt and unhappiness when I spend time with the baby. I don't know if it is the screaming and crying and the lack of sleep. I would love to feel the same happiness that most parents feel but right now it is not happening. Is this normal? When do things change for dads?

Hey. Wrong sex to be a dad but this popped into my feed and I couldn't ignore you. Sorry you're feeling low. Dads can get postnatal depression too - please talk to your gp xx

For a few weeks when both our kids were born, my DH struggled. He felt kind of low, under pressure I think, and nervous around tiny babies.

It passed. Mainly because, when our first got a bit older, we had a blazing row and I pointed out he would only feel comfortable if he got as hands on as I was.

He's the greatest dad now. But the life change is huge and overwhelming, and that's not only true for women.

Talk to your partner! Try to make little bits of time for each of you. Fiercely protect the others' long lies!! Be in it together; that really helps.

Please see your GP luiceur, you're struggling and they'll want to help.

If anyone's partner is struggling with their mental health then please don't assume it will pass and please don't have a blazing row about it. The suicide rate for working age males is at an all time high, we should never disregard someone else's feelings as a passing phase.

What Bombardier said and also please know that tiny babies are sent to test you. Becoming a parent is one hell of a rollercoaster, it's indescribably difficult in so many ways and you love them so much but just can't handle it sometimes. It gets better, I promise, it does get a little bit easier just a bit, each day.

Please find someone to talk to in real life. Don't let time go by without getting help. I didn't get help when I should have done and it took a long time for me to realise that me being physically and mentally well makes my family happy and strong.

Well thanks for telling me I got it wrong there Bombardier. But for DH it wasn't depression, it was finding a particular phase of life difficult. And getting stuck in made him get over his fear of, well, getting stuck in.

I'm not denying that for some people it's a mental health issue. But for others, some bits of life are harder than others, and for them it just is what it is. Sometimes it can be that change happens, you reel, you get used to it, life settles down again.