AIBU?

[Ellesdad]

To cut a long story short: Wife's stepdad is arranging a surprise meal for MIL. He called at the weekend to extend invitation to wife/me/daughter but excluding foster-daughter who has been with us for two and a half years - 'you'll have to get a babysitter for her' because there's not enough room at the table. Now I can't go because how do I tell FD that she's not invited? AIBU to think (ILs and I don't get on) that this was a deliberate ploy to exclude me?

Your wife should be standing up to her family or no one goes.

With regards for the meal - this is your wife's call. If she wants to go to the meal, she can, but equally, she could just refuse to go (although this is probably less likely).

As for how you broach the subject with your FD - that would depend on how old she is. I'd be inclined either to tell her a white lie or tell her you already had a surprise planned (taking her to the cinema or something).

Your wife should be telling her family that the foster daughter is just as much a part of the family. Very cruel of them not to invite her.

That's not fair, she's ur daughter regardless of the 'foster' part..
Someone needs to put there foot down and say my whole family is invited or none of us will be there..

My auntie has fostered for years and her children have always been included in the family even if she has them for a few weeks..

My aunt and uncle have fostered for years we always include the foster child or children at times when we have parties or dinners out . That's regardless of how long they have been with my aunt and uncle your FIL sounds like dick.

Hmmm, it may be a ploy, or they may just not be very nice people.

What's your wife's take on it?

FD is part of your family unit. Either you all go, no one goes or your wife goes on her own.

I'd feel terrible for the FD. Really shitty behaviour.

Probably a ploy, yes.

However, none of you should be going. All or none.

Your wife needs to stand up to her parents to protect the family. If you have a FD they're included in your family. They should be excluded that's just mean and I'd say bullying. They wouldn't want they're Grandchild treated that way so why FD.

This is a discussion for your wife to have with them and fight, it'll just keep happening otherwise. I'd say if we're not all invited and able to attend then none of us will be attending. They won't like that but it makes the point

Good luck

Was the fd treated differently at Christmas? Hope you didn't allow this!
When is the meal?