Affair

[Willie1973]

I told my wife of a 3 1/2 year affair. I was seeing a lady who was going through a rough time in her marriage. Her husband moved out back home in October and I was staying round hers 2 or 3 nights a week. She is now going through divorce and said i was the reason . I told my wife that I wanted to end the marriage and pursue the life with the ow . But last week I had a message on Facebook from her ex husband to be . Wanting to know the last time I say her . She accused me of playing mind games and wouldn't answer the phone . So I sent a screenshot of the message. She then called me back straight away and I told her to tell him truth about us . She wouldn't so I told her she needed to if not if he contacted me again I would tell him . So in the end I had told her anoth is anoth I wanted us to be a cpl to do cpl things and I would leave my wife. In the end I had to tell him as he started harassing me . The thing I am struggling is not the break up it's the fact she told him she hasn't see me in 2 1/2 years and is denying it even it's even happened . At witts end because I sent him all the proof he needs I feel I have betrayed her but I think he needed to hear the truth .

So the short version is that you have left your DW, and have only duscovered since then that the extent of your OW's lies is somewhat greater than you knew before (you must have known that both of you are liars, as that is a basic necessity in conducting such a betrayal of primary relationships).

It doesn't really change anything. She's still a liar, and the person you chose.

No I haven't left my wife my wife want to try again. Which I am grabbing with both hands . But just struggling why she needs to still denying it

You’re lying to your wife, cheating on your wife, hedging your bets and now upset because the lying cheat you cheated with is lying?

And you expect what? Sympathy? Can’t see how. Also can’t see many Dads agreeing with you.

So you cheat on your wife with another married woman and you expect the transition from one relationship to another to be simpler?

I have told her I would stand by her when her husband found out . But I have just found out she told him it was over and she was still seeing me . I know it not right but I can't see point in denying once caught

Oh, I get it. The grass wasn't greener, after all. Still don't expect it to be simple.

I hope your wife kicks you out. She deserved better than someone picking her because his better option fucked him off.

I ended it with the ow infact

Oh so you did, I’m sorry, you’re a wonderful human being with a fantastic moral compass!

Oh wait....nope...still a cheating, lying, bet hedging scumbag.

Well we all make mistakes

Oh hey ho the old "going through a rough time in the marriage" trope gets trotted out again.

The pair of you are cheats and deserve all you get

No sympathy here

I haven't come for sympathy. Just advice to see if anyone has been in same position

Sticking your penis into another woman for 3.5 years, then hedging your bets until you decide which woman you want isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice, and one you made because you are only thinking about yourself.

Isn’t it funny the way that liars can manipulate things to sound better than they are?

Hopefully your poor wife finds someone who respects and loves her and ditches your sorry arse.

Well, if you're really fixing things with your DW, then there is no quandary for you. As you'll be NC with ex-mistress and what she tells her DH is nothing to do with you.

If you want advice on 'how I can get everyone around me to do exactly as I say, so I get my way all the time' then the only answer is 'forget it, you don't get to control other people like that'

If there is something else on which you want advice, could you be a bit more explicit in saying what that is?

The way that reads is that you were leaving your wife for her but when you found out she's been lying to her husband about still seeing you, you've decided to stay with your wife. Lucky wife.

Do your wife a big favour and leave her anyway, you're worthless and she is better off without you.

Anoth is anoth? Is that supposed to be enough is enough?

You sounds absolutely awful.

Excuse me I haven't tried to control anyone . Just wanted some advice. I am no NC with the ow . But can't see why denial

If you’re nc now, why does the denial matter?

Are you really surprised that a low life cheat wouldn’t honestly admit to what they’ve been doing?

We all make mistakes in life and this was a very big one and

God I feel sorry for your wife! Horrible man you are! Should be ashamed of yourself! "Wife wants too try again so I'm grabbing it with both hands" Jesus Christ!!!! What's wrong with you! Leave your poor wife alone and divorce her she will be better off in the long run! What the hell have you done too the poor women too make her feel so low that she must stay with a cheating scum bag like yourself ewww ewww ewww

Because all keep getting is ex husband wanting know what's gone on . And I blocked them both as me and the wife wants to try at making amends she has been honest with me because I came cleaned and owned up even tho it wasn't over

The problem with having an affair with someone - as you have found out - is they are liars, they lie to thier spouse and the AP thinks it is just the spouse they lie to... it isn’t unfortunately they lie to everyone, even themselves

3.5 years isn't a mistake you idiot!! It's a choice. You make me sick

I'd be surprised if he understood you even if you told him.

Thanks ivy kitty for that well put i know I don't deserve a second chance .