Trouble with 21 year old son

[Lordfarcroft]

Trouble with 21 year old son

I had a large new shed build for me 3 years and haven't used it yet as wife let son use it for a den, he and his friends now have furniture and smoke weed day and night in it. All my garden stuff is in the house. I have tried to evict him but receive emotional and once physical abuse so not a case of not trying. He pays us little rent and does nothing to contribue to the house. My wife will not support and I am at my wits end. Help.

When you say you have tried to evict him .... what did you do ? Call the police if needs be .

Why doesn’t your wife support you in this? Until she does it’s not likely that anything you say or do will work. You both need to be on the same page.

What you should do is kick his mates out, tell him if doesn’t stop smoking the weed he’s out of the house, and move your garden stuff into the shed.

But without both parents on board it won’t happen, so talk to her about it and try to make a plan you can both stick to.

Thanks for the replies. By evict I mean tried to get rid of his stuff, lock the shed, stop his mates from coming around. I have loads of stuff still in the shed I haven't seen for 3 years and have even bought replacements hence why stored in house. He becomes verbally abusive when I challenge him and everyone in the house gets stressed. It happens most days. My fault I guess for being weak but it is me or him as we cannot do-exist until he has some respect. Happy for him to stay in the house but he has to get out of the shed.

Why would you even want him staying in the house, he’s aggressive and has no respect. It also sounds like he’s just leeching off you. How’s he ever going to live independently if he carries on this way? Sorry but he needs chucking out to make his own way in the world.
I would get legal advice on how to make him leave the house.

Lord are you scared of him?

If you are the needs to move out.

If not go to the shed now and take everything out that’s his and change the lock on it.

My 22 year old is one of the most entitled people I’ve ever come across. I don’t know if we were too soft or spoiled her too much. But sometimes I have to really put my foot down and ride the shit wave that comes with it. She isn’t on the level your son is and she works hard but you have to re assert your place in your own house. I’d also tell your wife if she isn’t happy with it she is free to go and live some where else with your son

You need to get your wife on side. - probably easier said than done.

He's not an annoying teenager he's 21!!! I would actually be asking him to find alternative accommodation altogether.

I would advise first a talk with your wife - tell her its critical you evict him from the shed as you dont want to live in this way and that as joint? owners of the house you are responsible for what happens in it and the shed. Jointly tell your son he will leave the shed by a certain date or you will have no alternative but to call the police about the weed. Make sure you do it.
Failing that, get you stuff out and set fire to it as its a liability.
You need to establish authority and until you do your life will be as HE wishes. If your wife is uncooperative - you have a decision to make. You would probably be better on your own in the long run.

Quietly one day set up smoke alarm and sprinkler system in shed. Put small notice on inside door that the shed has now been fire proofed according to building regs or some such gumf (make it look official). Wait. Allow sprinkler/alarm to do its work.

Well really, your wife should be supporting you with this shed issue, but not going to be easy if she said your son can use it.. Its not good at all,that you have to tolerate the verbal abuse from your son, an anger that is probably made worse with the smoking of weed.

I would definitely try and take control here, but do appreciate that some family dynamics don't work like they should.

I am feeling a bit sorry for you here as a woman, as I love my shed, I have just refurbished it, all newly painted inside,and everything in great order. So hope you can reclaim your shed very soon. and hopefully get rid of the horrible weed stench !!