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Dadsnet

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Original poster

Vasectomy - what could your wife/partner do to persuade you to have one.

81 replies

adelicatequestion · 01/03/2007 22:23

DH is dead against and says he will leave if I pressure him into having one.

Why are some men scared by this?

I have had babies, ceasarians, coils, pills etc and he's worried about a 20 minute snip!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pann · 01/03/2007 23:12

sooo what's he scared of????

expatinscotland · 01/03/2007 23:34

Then he must be willing to have another baby then.

Pann · 01/03/2007 23:42

hmmm..def. a different question, expat...

DrDaddy · 02/03/2007 10:23

It's the finality of it. Psychologically, it's quite a step to make, let alone physically. Would you get sterilised?
(btw - i know you can reverse vasectomies in theory, but still...)

1becomes3 · 02/03/2007 15:58

I'm in the same boat as you adelicatequestion, My DH doesn't want one and I want him to have one, we don't want more children as we already have 1DD, DT's on the way and he has 2DS's from a previous marriage.
He said I should get steralised when I have my c-section! I really don't want to as I'm only 25 and you never know what is going to happen in the future.
He is 44 and I think having 5 kids is enough for any one man.......but he still refuses to go through with it!

spudmasher · 02/03/2007 16:05

I had this conversation with the nurse when I went for my last pill check.

I said that I wanted my DH to have a vasectomy so that I could come off the pill as we have completed our family.

Her advise was to discuss it but not to push it or go on and on about it or else I could risk giving my husband psychological problems and sexual problems as a result.

For some men the ability to reproduce is all tied up with their feeling of masculinity and if that goes ....well... I dread to think.

So I have left the issue alone for a while.

The decision is a joint one but he has to be 100% willing. I would not like to feel I had nagged my DH into having something done that he really did not want to have done.

1becomes3 · 02/03/2007 16:13

My Dh has a choice he either has a vasectomy or we use condoms for the rest of our lives together (I can't use any other type of birth control)
The thing with him is he moans about using condoms!!!

I think it will just have to be another no sex marriage, which with DT's due any day that is not unlikely to happen anyway.

Iklboo · 02/03/2007 16:24

Rent Hard Candy on DVD and tell him that's what you've got planned unless he makes an appointment

Pann · 02/03/2007 18:02

1becomes3 - reads as a bit of a cheek!! You seemed to have decided for dh his children quota, but you want to keep YOUR options open!!

What if you separate and he meets a lovely woman who would like children??

FWIW at all, I have had the gleaming steel slicing at my gonads!!

tis no problem really ONCE you BOTH decide it's the best thing to do.

hana · 02/03/2007 18:22

think it's a v immature attidude for men to say no way would they do it and leave it up to the woman.
my husband is having one in a few months ( thank god!) after 3 children together we want no more.
these men that won'd consider it need to grow up

Spidermama · 02/03/2007 18:32

I wouldn't dream of asking my dh to do something so fundamental to his manhood and whether or not he wants more babies is immaterial. I don't believe in lopping off healthy tissue, expecially when it goes to the very core of his being. Also, I feel sure I'd fancy him slightly less, at some deep animal level, because he no longer has the potential.

I'm frequently amazed that so many women think it's perfectly reasonable to demand something like this. of their men.

Birth is a different thing. It's not like they owe you.

LazyLine · 02/03/2007 18:41

In theory, spider, I agree with you, but I can't help but think about this tied in with the issue of abortion and how it's not possible to be 100% safe (of course vasectomies have been known not to work) and that the potential issues, body and mind associated with that.

hana · 02/03/2007 18:42

I didn't demand anything of my husband, it was a decison we made together

Pann · 02/03/2007 18:49

good for you hana. Really.

but one cannot interpret refusal or extreme reluctance as evidence of need to grow up.

I DO appreciate the argument on both sides and I do side with the female perspective for loads of reasons. It led to my snip and it was the right thing to do at the time.

beckybrastraps · 02/03/2007 18:51

Spidermama - do you think your dh will fancy you less once you reach menopause?

Incidentally, I agree with you about not insisting.

hana · 02/03/2007 18:51

true, guess I 'm thinking of some friends attitudes there and their reactions to dh having it done.

hana · 02/03/2007 18:52

I guess too that I just don't get the extreme reluctance bit

1becomes3 · 02/03/2007 20:36

Panna I haven't decided that it no more kids for him. We have both decided that we don't want any more, it is just coming to a solution on how not to have any more where we are having problems.

At the end of the day him having a vasectomy is not permanent it can be reversed but me being steralised is, that is the point I was trying to make. Not that I want to keep my options open.
I love my DH very much and would never push him into a decision he was not happy with, it is just that we don't have any other options than condoms or absinence, which he has ruled out aswell, so what is a gril to do?

Pann · 02/03/2007 20:57

you're right, "grils" have it tough!!

don't know 1becomes3,what 'the answer' is. But it is a shared thing isn't it.

Lio · 02/03/2007 21:05

have a pregnancy scare and see how that goes down?

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 21:44

Spidermama, I don't know where you got your info about vasectomies but they certainly don't go "lopping off healthy tissue", a minute incision and a tough of cautery on the vas, hey presto! You give the impression they cut the nuts of and chuck them in a bucket!

By comparison to even an episiotomy, a vasectomy is a walk in the park.

Pann · 02/03/2007 21:46

"a vasectomy is a walk in the park. "

very gingerly for a couple of days or so......

MrsGumby · 02/03/2007 21:48

DH had the snip 3 months after birth of our second child (and his 3rd)...he got a GP mate of his to do it and asked him to "stop the pain but leave the swelling"

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 21:56

Try having your fanjo sliced in two Pann!! That's enough to have you shuffling round like a Geisha in the park for a couple of weeks!!

Pann · 02/03/2007 21:58

ha!

NOOOOO000000!!

Aktuali, it is more inconvenient than painful. No pain at all.

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