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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

Vasectomy - what could your wife/partner do to persuade you to have one.

81 replies

adelicatequestion · 01/03/2007 22:23

DH is dead against and says he will leave if I pressure him into having one.

Why are some men scared by this?

I have had babies, ceasarians, coils, pills etc and he's worried about a 20 minute snip!!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:01

Dh certainly made the most of his snip. He lay on the sofa for 4 days!

I, on the other hand, gave birth, then made tea! I kid you not. Just call me Super Mum

Pann · 02/03/2007 22:06

What a guy!

Sobernow · 02/03/2007 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:17

So because the reproductive process is unfair we have to undergo even more invasive unfair proceedures?

Barking!

It's not about tit for tat, and things being fair! It's couple making choices, together, that suit them at the time.

All this talk of "if I die" or "we split up" is nonsense. If you think you may split in the future you shouldn't be having babies now, and we're all going to die, so get over it!!

Sparkler1 · 02/03/2007 22:22

DH has his vasectomy booked for this coming Monday. I haven't pushed him into it and never would have. He agreed. We always said we would have two chilren, we have. I've been on the pill for 20 years and advised not to take any longer. DH has decided it's his turn to do something about it.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:22

So you'd maintain your OHs fertility at the expense of your own health?

Why, when you don't want any more children, would you put hormones, with known and as yet unknown side effects in your body?

If you are a couple who intend to stay together and truly respect each other, surely blocking the exit route for DHs little swimmers is not such a huge deal!! Is it?

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:23

Pann, you're such a bloke

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:26

Good on you Sparkler. Stock up on painkillers and sympathy!

Pann · 02/03/2007 22:27

madoldcatlady. People arrive at their decisions at differing times. Having a grasp of the 'facts' is not the same as having a grasp of how you feel about it.

btw, am in total agreement with your position.

Spidermama · 02/03/2007 22:28

Madoldcat it HAS to be his choice surely. No-one can have any say in something so fundamental but him. You are not the same person. You are spending your lives together but you have to maintain your own sense of self from one another.

You say it's a minor thing and take about the actual size of the incision. I'm sorry, but preventing a man's genetic data from flowing out of it, snubbing out his potential, making him sterile is not to be taken lightly whatever size the incision. It has absolutely nothing to do with what we go through in the name of child birth or menstruation.

My dh believes, and it makes total sense to me, that depression could easily arise from such a procedure and having to live in a reduced state,

Also of course people die, sometimes tragically young. I've known some. Often they'll want to have a child with someone else. Reversals don't always work by any means.

Pann · 02/03/2007 22:32

looks like I am agreeing with Spidy AND Madold at same time..

Sparkler1 · 02/03/2007 22:32

MadOldCatLady - will deffo get the painkillers in - sympathy? gotta work on that one I have to stop myself soooooooo much from cracking the old joke "you don't don't want pain is, I've been through pain twice that's nothing compared to what you are going to/have gone through!"

Pann · 02/03/2007 22:34

don't forget ot shave him REALLY well.

if not, men have a bic razor and soap shoved in their hands to do the deed themselves. IT wasn't pretty.

Sparkler1 · 02/03/2007 22:38

Nice!
It's being done under LA at GP surgery.

ChicPea · 02/03/2007 22:44

My DH was planning to have one until he read article in newspaper about it increasing the risk of dementia. Maybe google Sandra Weintraub who led the research. It is thought that it occurs as the surgery allows sperm to leak into the blood. Just thought you should know...

Sobernow · 02/03/2007 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:55

Spidermama,I know people can die tragically young. I was a widow at 23. That had no bearing what so ever on me and DH2 deciding to end his fertility. You can only live for today. DH1 taught me that.

Pann · 02/03/2007 22:57

I'm sorry to hear that, madold.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 22:59

Thanks Pann.

Eulalia · 02/03/2007 23:03

dh would never have one, nothing to do with masculinity or anything like that, just thinks its mutilation and doesn't want me to be sterilised either.

The very scenario that has been discussed here has happened with us. I met dh when he was 44 and I was 24. He already had 3 children. Quite possible at that age he could have had the snip. Unlikey that we'd have stayed together if that was so, as I wanted children. Fortuntely he hadn't and we now have 3 children together and he was just 60 when we had the last one 19 months ago

We seriously need to think about what to do about preventing any more though....

hana · 02/03/2007 23:06

ok
a serious thought here - if a vasectomy is out of the question, and so are condoms, the pill, sponge, all forms of contraception, what is left? the rhythm method? who wants to rely 100% on that (for not getting pregnant?)

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 23:08

What I mean Sobernow, is that if you and your OH are devoted to each other,here, now, today, who cares about what happens tomorrow.

If I'm dead, it's not something I'm going to be worrying about, and we married (both times) with the intention of being together forever so we live our lives on that premis.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 23:13

Eulalia. If he'd had a vasectomy when you met, either you'd be together now without children, or you wouldn't! It's as simple as that.

I just don't do "what ifs".

You deal with what you have on your plate today, not what might happen, under certain surcumstances at some point in the future.

Sobernow · 02/03/2007 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madoldcatlady · 02/03/2007 23:28

But when DH died I was a family with DD. We were all each other had and all we needed.

If I'd never met DH2 or had any more children we would have been ok. In fact DD1 often tells me she wishes we'd stayed as we were, but that's another story.

I'm not sure what you're saying about your DDsd having a larger family. Couldn't you have more children yourself to allow this? In which case DH wont want to have the snip!

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