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Original poster

Men. Do you mind if she fakes it?

75 replies

Spidermama · 26/01/2007 13:36

Would you rather your dw/p faked enjoyment of sex from time to time, or would it be better if she just said 'no thanks' on occasions where she wasn't really up for it?

Would you be offended to learn she fakes the odd orgasm?

OP posts:
Sobernow · 27/01/2007 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

losty · 27/01/2007 22:20

none I know spidermam!! only time we managed that was on our weekend away without the kids! but then we did it a lot more than twice in 2 days lol

losty · 27/01/2007 22:21

bob - great name

carolcoles · 27/01/2007 22:21

Spidermama you arre not the only one!!!!! I always enjoy sex with DH but sometimes he achieves his objective first and don't like to see the disapointment in his eyes when I tell him I missed out. About 1/8 sounds about right to me.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2007 22:22

Spot on, Sober!

Although I got caught out once.

I was w/this bloke in a hotel room, and he was just getting on w/things, badly, too.

When I noticed Johnny Depp on TV!

So I thought I'd discretely sneak a peek.

Till the chap whispered in my ear, 'Is that TV good, baby?'

carolcoles · 27/01/2007 22:23

PMSL BOB you legend!!!!!!!

expatinscotland · 27/01/2007 22:23

I've had a vibe for years.

I highly recommend them.

The best way to learn what works for you is on your own.

losty · 27/01/2007 22:24

agree expat!

nooka · 27/01/2007 22:29

I mostly faked with dh for the first few years. Loudly! but I was very young... We both got better as we went along and the faking got less frequent/extreme (and quieter). When we got married I decided that I didn't need to fake any more, was more honest, had a better sex life but said no much more often, which turned out to have hurt dh's feelings somewhat. When I was pregnant/breastfeeding I really wasn't keen on sex at all, so we only did it when I was in the mood, and then I didn't feel the need to fake! Then I found out that dh was very upset at mostly being rejected with the occasional seduction, so I went back to mostly saying OK then, but unfortunately that meant going back to faking, because if I'm not in the mood, then I really don't get much out of it. Now we are separated we still have sex every now and then and it's much more enjoyable with no faking required. I don't think that in a long term relationship regular faking is a good idea - I certainly found that getting really irritated with dh (for taking so bloody long - mostly because he wanted me to come!) didn't do much for our emotional intimacy. So, I think that occasionally faking is fine, but if you are doing it regularly (much more often than spidermama )then maybe there is a problem. I have to say I do admire the throw out in the middle of the night if you are crap approach - perhaps I'll try that when I start dating again!

Original poster
Spidermama · 27/01/2007 22:47

Thanks God I'm not utterly alone carolecoles.

Shit here he comes.
Can't let him see this thread.
Bye.

OP posts:
kama · 27/01/2007 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 27/01/2007 22:49

Do yourself a huge favour. Buy a vibrator and do some experimenting.

It won't bother you so much if you don't climax during sex/foreplay.

You'll just relax, b/c you know you can get there somehow.

Which in turn sometimes make it easier to climax during sex and foreplay with your partner.

And even if you don't, you'll be satisfied sexually on the whole so it won't matter and you won't feel compelled to fake it.

Original poster
Spidermama · 27/01/2007 22:57

I did have a rabbit expat but tbh it was a fleeting diversion. Then I had the problem of how to get rid of it. I couldn't exactly ebay it or freecycle it now could I. Or give it to the British Heart Foundation charity shop.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 27/01/2007 22:58

Do lentilweavers not have rabbits?

expatinscotland · 27/01/2007 22:58

Find another vibe that works better for you.

Or give your partner the Rabbit and ask him to try it out on you. He might have a different, erm, technique.

Original poster
Spidermama · 27/01/2007 22:59

Dino only a rubber alternative version with recyclable batteries called a Moon Rabbit.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 27/01/2007 23:00

GrinGrinGrin

Dinosaur · 27/01/2007 23:00

Actually that's made me think of the demonic bunny in Wallace & Gromit and the Were Rabbit .

Original poster
Spidermama · 27/01/2007 23:01

Maybe I will.
Or maybe I'll stop having sex when I don't feel like it.

As I say though it's only, say, one time in eight and sometimes I think it's worth it to make him feel good and happy.

I dunno though. I'm increasingly getting the feeling I'm missing out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spidermama · 27/01/2007 23:01

LOL at wererabbit.

OP posts:
Dinosaur · 27/01/2007 23:03

With DH's full agreement (although it's taken us a long time to get round to being able to agree this and not sulk about it) I just don't have sex any more if I don't really feel up for it.

The result has been that when we do have sex (which isn't terribly often - maybe twice a week) it is actually loads better than it used to be.

If I'm not really in the mood, we still sometimes do other things, but not penetrative sex.

nooka · 27/01/2007 23:20

The thing I found made the most difference was being relaxed and going with the flow. I'm a bit of a hyper thinker and find it hard to switch off, and it's difficult to really concentrate on feeling good once you start thinking about all the other things you could be doing if only he'd hurry up... I've never been able to make myself come, and even now when I'm mostly on my own just don't really feel the need to go there (maybe a rabbit would help, but I've never really felt I was missing out). However I now find that if I put my mind to it I can be in the mood quite easily, and then I do feel good. So I think it's a mix of feeling you can say no if you want to, not getting too hung up on orgasms (prior to our breakup I would enjoy sex just for the intimacy and not be bothered about the organism - after all there are many sorts of pleasure) and just letting go and concentrating on the physical.

losty · 27/01/2007 23:25

good post nooka - but had to laugh at the typo - organism!

nooka · 27/01/2007 23:31

oops!

Judy1234 · 27/01/2007 23:49

I never had. Fay Weldon was suggesting it was necessary to flatter the male ego to do it but I don't agree. A man once faked it with me (!), idiot. Of course one can tell.