196,000

[Judy1234]

196,000 men care for babies in the UK - Sunday Telegraph, Stella Magazine says in its feature on stay at home fathers 31.12.06. A 20% rise since 1997. That's great. 2.5 million men do it in the US too. They are describing the US At Home Dads Convention.

.. says in some ways there may be reasons men are better than women (they don't do so much baby talk and their children talk better) and that it is stay at home mothers who most resent and exclude these men.

About time too.

Hi xenia, why do stay at home mums resent and exclude stay at home dads?

Years ago I got accused of 'chatting up' 2 SAHD's at toddler groups. I just felt sorry for them as no-one other bugger spoke to them. A coven of mummies started a snidey, whispering thing which culminated in a mum coming up to me and hissing ''X's wife knows all about you, you know, shes told us to keep an eye on you...''

I mean, having been excluded by the ruling clique, they then turned on me when I found someone to talk to - who just happened to be male.

but it's a vicious circle, men are going to feel a little alienated at home with children, unless more dads venture out

hm, not sure. I wouldn't have thought most of them did. I'm afraid I can't bear to be with many women when they criticise men all the time. I think it's disgusting and disloyal. I can't bear it and yet it seems to be a regular topic of conversation - slagging off men.

why do you think its great that 196K men are SAHDs when you seem to believe that women shouldn't be SAHMs

I don't completely know your position because your contentious threads get too long for me to be bothered to play catch-up so sorry if I'm asking you to repeat yourself

full moon - i hate those toddler mum cliques wouldn't join even if they would have me; we have quite a few sahd around and about, enough for their own clique some days; generally more straight forward / light hearted to deal with

One of my best chums is a SAHD. He never gets spoken to when out and about, bless him. He usually gets looked at (and often treated) like he's a pervert. His male friends take the piss mercilessly. We have been accused (many times) of shagging.I can totally see why men would feel alienated when they are at home with their children.

For him and his DW, the choice was they either live on his wages (which were v little and irregular) or live on hers (regular, and fairly ok) He's a brilliant dad. I wish we were in a position for DP and I to share the childcare between us. It think it's ideal

intergalaticwalrus, i do too think it best arrangement to share childcare, sadly not option here. one of our sahd has own entourage of buxom young mothers, he's not too friendly to others; have plenty laughs with the others but dont suggest coffee afterwards like i might to with women..sad suppose..

It took me ages to strike up a friendship with my SAHD pal because of the whole "are you two having an affair" shite, but then I figured that I have lots of male friends outside of the whole parenting circle, so I just went for it.

It's really refreshing to get his pov on some things, and I don't find him so competitive like some of the mummy friends I know. (Like the whole, "my husband earns X, my child was on the waiting list at X school when they were an 8 week feotus," etc etc)

inter..i sometimes think of it as trying to pal around with a bunch of people who all bought car at same time as..its so random and hard to meet like minds ...if you click a bit with someone at all it would make all this a bit easier..good luck to you and your pal sahd happy new year and maybe i will ask one of them if they fancy coffee after playclub..in rl before all this, most of my pals were men, just easier, more in common, so i never think anything of it, and my family friends neither.

"why do you think its great that 196K men are SAHDs when you seem to believe that women shouldn't be SAHMs"

I don't like the inequality and inherenet sexism of more women than men staying at home. I have no problems with parents deciding between them who stays home if they think that will be right for their family. When we have 50% men and women at home I will not make comments about these issues.

ideal world and all that Xenia, and women will always end up working longer & harder than men imo

I loved being a SAHD and think more men should do it.

shall i take this post seriously happydad?
yes, am back on shift tomorrow and cant wait for the madness to begin - i love it too!

yes take this one very very seriously.

what have you got lined up for tomorrow?
we're off to park, library, shopping prob lost my gloves yesterday.. ds starts pre school for couple of hours a week next week and feels like something is changing..change is good too

I've got lots of busy days planned. DD at nursery and me at work .

do you work part time? i need to think of something to do for money soon..big changes ahead soon

I work 9am - 4.30 at current job, i can fit in dds nursery runs around that.

Looking for new job in next two weeks so not sure if I'll get the same hours.

I just wanted to say that since we are in the financial position of me earning a good wage (teacher) and DH earning about a third of that, we decided, or it's just how it worked, that I would continue working. Even though I worked only 4 days a week ( which turned out to be 5, but that's a whole 'nother' thread ), and he did a wonderful, patient, clever job of SAH, I felt so sad working. At the moment neither of us are working, well not much - we're bumming around in France, I'm giving English lessons for 10 Euros an hour, about £7, which actually means £3 an hour since each lesson takes me 2+ hours to prepare... (old habits)
I wonder if men over the years have always been slightly jealous of staying at home with their child.

dh is a sahd and chats to mums at the school gate but has yet to venture to baby nad todler group, perhaps a wise move given the cliquiness of tehse groups I hated taking dd