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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

Used as a baby making machine.

56 replies

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 06:01

Do men actually mind being spermjacked a few days a month while trying to conceive, and then discarded or are we just grateful for the sex??

When me and dw were trying for our second she kept me out of the loop with ovulation and fertility but it was hard not to notice we'd shag like rabbits 5 days a month then very rarely for the next 3 weeks.

I am by no means complaining, more of a general wondering whether it bothers us?

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mcdog · 21/01/2015 06:03

Does it bother you?

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 06:05

Not at all. That is the primary function of sex after all.

OP posts:

CuttedUpPear · 21/01/2015 06:11

I think your query is more of a personal gripe than a general statement about the inconsiderate treatment of men by women.

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 06:27

I think you're wrong, and considering the anonymity of MN, if I had an issue I would voice it.

OP posts:

katandkits · 21/01/2015 06:38

even when not trying for a baby, women are naturally more interested in sex aroundn the time of ovulation. hormones at that time make libido higher.

I think the term spermjacking is misplaced as a bit offensive in the context where the man has agreed to try to conceive. sperm jacking usually refers to women who are tricking a man into getting her pregnant by lying about use of contraception.

I think many women keep partners out of the loop about ovulation as talking about pissing on sticks is a bit of a passion killer and knowing that it is baby making day can lead to performance failure in some men.

AnyFucker · 21/01/2015 06:41

well, you are factually incorrect aren't you ?

men are not "baby making machines", they provide one half of the conception process, and these days are not even essential to that

now how does that make you feel ?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 21/01/2015 06:44

You say the pattern of shagging isn't a problem. But you allude to there being a problem. Perhaps because you're not In Charge of the process?

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 06:52

I wasn't trying to be offensive and maybe should have put the word in inverted commas. I just meant that I know men who have felt 'jacked' despite actively ttc. Probably the same men who were involved with talks about ovulation, cervical mucus and peeing on sticks, which, lets be honest isnt overly sexy.

Im aware women are more likely to be sexually active during that week, you cant fight it, its primal.

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 21/01/2015 06:56

But don't those men want children? I really don't understand. If you're both trying for a baby there are days you'll have to have sex, regardless of whether either of you fancy it?

sebsmummy1 · 21/01/2015 06:58

My DP found TTC exhausting so I would try my very hardest to be enticing and spontaneous around ovulation each month and he would be extremely grateful when id ovulated and he could not have sex with me for the rest of the month.

After 18 months I am now pregnant and he won't leave me alone! Men are very complicated creatures in my experience (and yes he was/is desperate for a sibling for our son).

CharliePan · 21/01/2015 07:01

Whoaaa!! 10 posts in one hour. On the same thread. In D/N. All before breakfast. People can't live at that speed.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 21/01/2015 07:04

Charlie
The dizzying heights of Active Conversations...

CharliePan · 21/01/2015 07:10

OP, I suspect you're right on the 2nd part - just being grateful for the sex. Of course it would be much better if the whole messy ovulation thing wasn't the determining thing in the great cycle of life. So requests for sex could be submitted in full confidence so no-one's fragile self-esteem is compromised. And of course never just before Top Gear.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 21/01/2015 07:17

My DH probably feels a bit like this. It's hard to keep the sexiness and spontaneity going when TTC. Luckily we maintain our sense of humour about it all

YonicScrewdriver · 21/01/2015 07:31

Happy, relaxed, close, whatever - but grateful?

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 07:32

To clarify, I allude to the issue because I wantes opinions and not because I have an issue. Secondly I am married, useless and indecisive, I am in charge of nothing.

Anyfucker - men will always be needed to make babies whether they are involved in the physical act or not.

Probably the most active dadsnet post in months!

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AnyFucker · 21/01/2015 07:36

Well, I don't think it's quite
unite as complex as you would like to think

men who use phrases like "jacked" when actively trying to conceive a mutually wanted baby are pricks, which seems quite simple to me

AnyFucker · 21/01/2015 07:36

I don't know where that rogue unite came from

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 07:41

I agree with you, but then it was simply a turn of phrase and I've already I should have used inverted commas when typing the word.

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Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 07:43

And as for it being complex, it isn't legal to artificially create sperm, never mind the practicality of it nor the possibility.

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CharliePan · 21/01/2015 07:45

as kit said above, the term 'jacked' (which is just awful imho) is being wildly misused here, isn't it? No-one is stealing anything from anyone, and the biological requirement and imperative can't be ignored.
As you're asking, do men mind? This one didn't.

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 07:50

Again, turn of phrase. Nor did I, in the slightest.

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LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 21/01/2015 07:57

Isn't the OP just saying "when trying for a baby do you mind your DP only wanting a shag when she's ovulating? Or are you happy to have sex and that's as far as it goes?"

Not sure that's particularly out there as a post.

FWIW my DH used to have a vaguely resigned look about him when I approached

CharliePan · 21/01/2015 08:06

There's only 975 posts left to be had on this thread, so I'll step out before it fills.

Original poster

DarkEarth · 21/01/2015 08:09

My question was simply that LastNight. May not be out there but it sparked debate. More because of my misguided posing of the question than actual reasons but hey ho.

Men are allowed to feel unloved, unwanted or rejected too, ya know.

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