Last Name of the baby

[Gazzpinhorne]

Hi I have 2 children by my first marriage and I have been with my girlfriend sometime now and we are now having a baby together, my partner already has a child but the dad is not around and has never been around.

The topic of the last name to our baby is a hot topic at the moment, I want my last name for our child and she feels that it does t go with anything ??

I understand passing down a name and as she and her son both share a last name and the rest if her family don't have the same one that it is important to her, but it's important to me too.

Any thoughts and advice on this to help me or her, all advice is welcome and will be listened to.

Thank you

Gareth

I would agree with her to be honest, if I wasn't married to the father of my DC, I would have used my own name as the surname.

Could you compromise and double barrel your names? Then there's a link to both you and her other DC. Or give your surname as a middle name?

I agree with chewtoy.

If I was unmarried my baby would have had my last name. A big part of that would be that I would want my DC's to share a last name.

While I'm sure you are different than her other DCs Dad, she's been left literally holding the baby before. This gives her a very good reason to be extra cautious and keep her DCs in her name.

I, on the other hand, feel quite strongly that tradition should be continued, and that children should take their father's name. How would you feel about taking on child 1, even formally adopting it maybe, and for that child to have your name too? That would still mean that they had a different name from their DM though, so still not an ideal solution.

As I type though, I realise that actually, if I wasn't 100% sure about my relationship with the baby's father, I might well want all my children to share my name - much easier when dealing with schools etc.

I am Unmarried, as was my mother. She refused to give me my dads name so I have hers.

My DD has both names. Not double barrelled/hyphenated. More the official way it used to be done. Eg. Winston spencer Churchill I known generally as Winston Churchill but officially the other name is in there. That make sense?

If I were in her position and her and her sons name was, say, Brown, I would want the new baby to be Brown too, rather than Smith.

Should you ever decide to marry, you could become Brown too, so the whole family have the same.

DP and his DD from a previous relationship have the same name. Me and DS have mine. When ex left while I was pregnant I decided there was no way DS would have his name as I rightly thought he wouldn't hang around when he was born.

With this baby I have said it will also have my name. We are in a committed relationship and although not on the cards yet, when we get married all out names will change to his.

As previously mentioned she has already been left holding the baby once. Imagine being miss x with children DC y and DC z!

I suppose I will have this predicament in 9 months time.

I have never been married so my two previous children took my surname as that is what was recorded in hospital on their ID wrist strap (second was a home birth so didn't have an ID bracelet) despite their father fuming at my decision all the way to the registrar office, and unfortunately even sat at the desk in front of the registrar, he made his anger known. Still, that's another story.

I want the siblings to all feel equal despite having a different father, but how can they feel that with different surnames?? Argghh!

Perhaps talk to see if you could both come to a compromise such as using both surnames?

For me, even though I am not married to DP our son will have his surname, but it's a personal choice, I have the traditional thought that a child should take it's fathers name but also I hate my maiden name have been bullied for it in school so thought better to not impose that on a child and his sounds better.

I am unmarried but wanted the DC to have father's name. Maybe because when I was pregnant and then breastfeeding early on I felt such a strong link with the babies but to DP he had to forge that link later after the babies were born. I somehow felt that by naming them he was making his own links with them.

Silly really but I was proud that he gave them his name. My surname is the penultimate name, (like the Spencer Churchill example upthread). It would be your way of showing your pride in your son/daughter

DD has both our surnames - not hyphenated, just both names. Would she consider this?