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Dadsnet

Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Original poster

What if your SO didn't want to breastfeed?

21 replies

WantsToBeFree · 22/01/2013 20:34

I am curious to know how men feel about this.

What if your wife/girlfriend didn't want to breastfeed your baby? What if she decided to formula feed?

Would this bother you? If so, how much? How would you react? Do you think it's ultimately her choice because she is the one who has to do it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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chunops · 22/01/2013 21:23

If she feels guilty if she didn't there is nothing you or anyone else can do I used formula for my daughter no repercussions whatsoever

AnyFucker · 22/01/2013 21:30

Is somebody putting pressure on you to bf

I am not a bloke, but I would consider it my ultimate choice, taking only myself into consideration.

Portofino · 22/01/2013 21:32

Is there not a more suitable forum to ask this question? Topics about BF tend to get heated and I am sure your intention is not to start a bunfight....

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 22/01/2013 22:49

I am interested in a male opinion on the matter hence I posted here.

My cousin doesn't want to breastfeed and is being pressured by her husband to do so. That's how this question came to mind.

OP posts:

Piemother · 23/01/2013 13:41

I think that's v sad and I'm v pro bf. no fucker will be pressuring me about what I do with my body. What's more the more I am pressured the less I want to comply so the h pressure may be putting her off trying even more

ChilliChips · 23/01/2013 13:50

I think (am female) that under most circumstances he'd have to trust that the mother will do the best she can with the resources/information that she has. If she simply doesn't know the benefits of BF, then he could point her at that information, but otherwise she's the one best placed to weigh up the benefits against other issues such as convenience, work, mental health, etc. Ultimately it's the woman's choice IMO.

AnyaKnowIt · 23/01/2013 13:53

I've just asked dp (male) and he said

'she is the one with the breasts, she decides what she want to do with them'

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 23/01/2013 14:32

Anya,

I really like your DP.

OP posts:

pictish · 23/01/2013 14:35

As much as fully support that dads are every bit as relevent as mums when it comes to the decision making surrounding their babies, on the topic of bf versus ff, I'm afraid it is the woman's choice.

I bf my first two babies, and ff my third. My dh had nothing to offer on the subject other than 'they're your boobs, so it's your choice'. I agree with this.

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 23/01/2013 14:36

I agree with all the above who say that ultimately it's the woman's choice. It just becomes very difficult when the man has some very set notions and ideas about certain things. In this case, he is convinced that formula fed babies don't have good immunity. His nephew has an immune system disorder and he is convinced it was because he was formula fed (although no doctor has confirmed this).

Obviously breastfeeding has distinct benefits, but it's hard to communicate to some people that formula isn't poison and that ultimately mum gets to decide what she would rather do.

OP posts:

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 23/01/2013 14:37

OK, so it appears that most other husbands aren't controlling when it comes to these decisions. Whew!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 23/01/2013 16:13

I would consider a huge, waving red flag if a bloke was so explicit about how my body should be utilised

He is also a bit thick isn't he ?

Peterpan101 · 25/01/2013 16:14

From a dads point of view, I would have been disappointed if my ex hadn't bf. I would have tried to encourage but it would have been her ultimate choice. It was only her research that educated me to the total benefits bf offers, I just assumed at the time that all babies were bf as that's what my sisters did!!

Is this partner 'encouraging' as he knows the benefits, or is he being needlessly 'forceful'?? I know well meaning intentions can sometimes become misinterpreted during/after pregnancy? The poor fellow!!

Ultimately it is the woman's choice.

Original poster

WantsToBeFree · 26/01/2013 21:23

Peterpan,

No, he is definitely being forceful. I'm not pregnant and hormonal so you can trust my observation ;)

He is convinced that formula is second class food and that if the baby doesn't get breastmilk he will suffer all his life.

OP posts:

Daddelion · 27/01/2013 09:51

I think it's up to the mother.

I never had a say really, but I think the breast/bottle debate is a bit OTT in this country. A bit like the computer gaming debate but that's another story.

Has he been hearing a lot about the evils of bottle feeding?

Tell him when your child is a sulky, hormonal teenager the sleeping, feeding, colour and frequency of poos and what toys your child should play with will be a distant memory.

And in my opinion as long as your child is loved, cared for, fed reasonably well and listened to it doesn't make a lot of difference what happened as a baby.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 27/01/2013 09:59

I think the dad has a right to think whats best for the baby but ultimately it's not him that has to have a baby chewing his nipples all day. There r so many things dads can get involved in and that you can work together on to do the best job you can do to raise the baby.

No one has the right to force anybody to do anything and sometimes you have to trust your partner.

Jux · 14/02/2013 14:09

I think of he is so keen for their baby to be bf then he should do it himself.

Is the baby actually born yet?

ironhorse · 14/02/2013 16:49

i didnt mind that my other half decided to stop BFing after a few weeks. we -she found it hard going, baby wanting to feed for between 6-7 hours at a time and always crying lots because they were hungry and was generally unhappy and lost weight on 2 consecutive weeks because she wasnt getting enough milk. baby hasnt suffered at all thats shes not BFing, she seems happier as she isnt hungry all the time and crying plus shes put on weight and is now following her weight chart and is bang on. We didnt want to end BFing but midwifes said because she had lost weight and was trying to feed for so long at any one time to start giving her, baby, a bottle.

ina75 · 14/02/2013 23:52

I think this -them having different views on something like breastfeeding - suggests that there might be other issues between them. If there is no medical reason known beforehand, any woman who is educated and wants the baby to have the best possible start, should try to breastfeed. If she tries and for whatever reason cannot do it, it's a different story, it's not easy to breastfeed and for some it just doesn't work.

However, to go and choose that beforehand -that is selfishness or ignorance that would worry me a lot if I were him. That would be in my mind a fundamental difference I couldn't ignore or pretend it's not there. There might be other differences like that.. And those come up when it comes to children.

Of course ultimately it's up to her and her wish should be respected, but I would question and challenge it too.

Ps. I'm a mum and breastfed, I would have been sad not to be able to do it, I was lucky it worked... Even though it wasn't easy and I had some problems with it, it triggered some the most intense emotions I had during that first year.

BubblegumPie · 11/03/2013 00:59

Interestingly it is possible for a man to lactate. Perhaps the OP's cousin's husband could look into it?

BanjoPlayingTiger · 11/03/2013 01:16

It doesn't always follow that bf leads to no immune problems etc anyhow. The child I EBF for 6 months and finally weaned at about 14 months has had asthma, eczema, and a blood condition thought to be related to his immune system. The child who was part bf part ff has had no such health problems.

My dh just wanted to support me in whatever way he could when the kids were little. He said they were my breasts so my choice if I used them for feeding.

I hope your cousin is ok.

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