Weddings - A man's view.

[Changlingz]

Inspired by another thread.

Now my ex when we (she) decided to get married, said one of the best things I've ever heard.

'I can't be arsed with the big wedding, do you fancy just going off and getting married abroad?'

I've never met a man who was bothered about a big do.

And for any wedding planners, the best wedding I went to was the one where they brought out stacks of bacon rolls at 11pm.

And I couldn't tell you what the theme was at any of them was, or what the bridesmaids wore.

Is this typical? I think it is.

Yes

Have you only just realised?

Because my lovely dh didn't want a big do I went along with him. Honestly looking back it was because he just couldn't face walking down an aisle ( lol)
But all the fuss is a bit much agreed

If I ever got married again (unlikely)

It'd be registry office, 2 witness's and pub afterwards.

I've always said if I did get married it would have to be a very low key affair. (Me and him + 2 witnesses)

Weddings are over rated IMO and personally I wouldn't enjoy being in the limelight of a big 'do'

I'm female BTW.

I'd want a BIG affair! Frocks, invites, kids sliding along the floor, disco DJ, morning suits, flowers, drunk uncles. And I'd be the focus of everyone's attention, all day. The bride would just have to put up with it....

Pan- now why doesn't that surprise me.

dunno.

I would love a Elvis Vagas white chapel wedding, wearing my denim cut offs and white stripper shoes.

And what would the bride wear?

Got married this year. We had 3 weeks to organise it, registry office and back to our house for food and drinks. No chauffeured car, no stately home, I did all the catering myself. We had about 35 people, mostly friends and everyone's said it was the nicest wedding they've ever been to. Although they probably would say that to me.

But the point I'm trying to make is that if you've got 2 years to plan it, you've got time to faff. And that's what I see with other friends' weddings, is faff time. Do you need this colour of flower to match that wedding decoration to appear in that room? Really? Is anyone going to remember or give a stuff in 10 years' time? What those people are coming to the wedding for is to see you get hitched, not to admire your doilies and sit at a table with 2,292 other people they don't know and have to make small talk with.

I got married in a pub

I feel the same as Amberleaf, I'm a bird as well. I can't bear weddings with all the fuss and the dressing up and the etiquette. I don't know why people do it, I guess on some level they must be comfortable with it? Or it means something to them to be in the spotlight - I couldn't stand being the centre of attention in that way.

If I ever get married (looking less likely as I approach 40) I have always maintained that it will involve the minimum amount of fuss, me and him, witnesses dragged in from wherever as necessary, and no family or friends. I mihgt wear a frock - I don't know, I'd rather not. I feel embarrassed and stupid in dresses.

I also wouldn't tell anyone we were doing it.

I read this post on a wedding forum:

''My groom doesn't seem to want to know any of my ideas...we're getting married May 2014'

May 2014!!

I've met a man who wanted a "big do" - I'm married to him. It was me who wanted to get married abroad

changlingz. May I ask why you are lurking on wedding forums.

I wanted to run off and marry abroad but my now husband, wanted the big traditional do.

Each to his own.

We had a big-ish hotel (great grounds, rooms,etc) but a fairly small ceremony (50) and breakfast and big reception in the night.

Wedding 2- bride went off on one making grand plans that never arrived (think whole choirs, sides of beef, etc) and belittling the plans of others including mine. Suffice to say there were loads of people but small and late buffet and empty dancefloor.

Wedding 3- small (30) stately home ceremony followed by an afternoon tea in a golf club. Lovely. Marred only by the photographer who shoved cameras in faces the whole night and set up ridiculous posed shots that I cringe at to this day (charlies angels poses anyone?!)

Wedding 4- vast, overblown affair. Couple made a big show of not buying favours to guests and giving the money to charity then unwrapped extravagant gifts to each other (3k watches!) tacky, vulgar and selfish. There were many, many references to some long dead, vaguely famous family member too. Awful!

I asked DH (because he rejected my idea of eloping and getting done by an Elvis in Vegas).

He wanted to be married in church, and to have family/friends there and to give them enough to eat/drink. But he didn't care beyond that - certainly not about colour schemes, flowers etc. And tbh, I didn't much either, and left it all to my mother (willing volunteer, I add).

We had a small wedding (3 weeks ago) but there were some details I was happy to leave out that my DH definitely did want, eg me in a proper wedding dress.

Its a day for both of you, so compromise on both sides is needed! We basically wanted the same thing though so it was easy (register office then a lunch) - we didn't have one row about the wedding although we have lots about everything else :)

DP and I are getting married in Spring next year - booking the venue this weekend - Yikes!

I would have been happy with a low-key registry office affair. He wants something bigger with all the friends and family. I couldn't give a monkey's arse about all the faff. Not having bridesmaids, will wear a nice non-white frock that I can wear again, invite we will print ourselves, no favours. We agree that the main thing is to throw a bloody good party and send our guests away happy.

I think in some circles women are judged on their wedding day whereas men aren't. This is shown in the 'Big Fat Gypsy Wedding' programme, and to a lesser extent in other societal groups.

Men are judged on other things, for example their car. You will find far more men than women being fussed about alloy wheels, stereo systems, big spoilers etc.

It's the same thing really, about showing status.

We got married with 3 days notice, borrowed dress, borrowed earrings, borrowed shoes. At home, in the living room with pouring rain outside. Lots of love and laughter, so the important boxes ticked - it was wonderful.

women are judged on their wedding day whereas men aren't

Because people assume that weddings are chosen and planned by the woman and that the man just goes along with it.

i had originally booked a massive affair with lots of guests and u suddenly realised that it was all bollocks cancelled it and booked a small wedding with seven guests in a scottish castle

it was a lovely day about me and dh not everyone else.

dh didnt really care either way.

I used to take wedding photos when I was at college to help pay the bills.

I just found them so formulaic I wondered about supplying the same set to different couples with the odd face replaced in photoshop.

On the other Wedding thread someone makes the point that the bigger the wedding the quicker it's likely to fail, it being a reflection of peoples expectations.

It's all about people in my view not the amount spent. And boy o boy do some people spend spend spend spend.

My brother was married in a humanist ceremony in my parents garden wearing a purple suit ( take note Pan ) . It wasn't massively expensive, but was massively enjoyable.