What are we doing here?

[MrHeadlessMan]

Hi guys...

Recently came off a thread with some really ugly man-bashing. Not pleasant.

It got me thinking: really, when it comes down to it, this is a site for women by women. Its even in the name Yes we are allowed to hang around but it I get the idea it is a tolerance thing. Yes you can muck around on chat but on many of the other topics you have to watch what you say, and your opinion is a bit suspect to many. Certain posters seem to even accuse apparently female posters of being a man in what seems to be a way to discredit them. I love some of the really great threads and posters but it kind of adds up to maybe thinking we are gate-crashing.

Question: should we really be hanging out here? Or do we 'really' belong over on some other more general board?

I can identify

I don't really like other people's kids

I don't even like my own, most of the time

No seriously. Some of them just love to squeal and rant for the sake of it, til they will be red in the face, but still remain constipated, poor darlings. But they have nothing else to do all day and night, so a bit of tolerance is needed.

And cherished offspring can be just as bad.

thanks god its gone

Good friend of mine once said "Children are like farts- you can only ever tolerate your own."

I keep forgetting about this section as I only ever scroll through "Active" and this section must not be very active..

If only I could tolerate my own children Tyr I'd be a happy man.

Well I can only speak for myself, "why I'm here".

I joined originally to take part in the education boards, as I have two kids at school. And it has been and continues to be invaluable for that. Much bigger range of topics than many of other sites, most pretty busy and with a wide range of intelligent contributors.

I probably discovered the relationships board by accident when I was bored one night, and it may have been a mistake. I agree that the man-bashing - both overt and implied - can be quite awful and reduce the quality of responses.

Part of me probably keeps checking the board because I tend to get outraged by such things and want to challenge weak thinking. More than anything though, I think I agree with earlier points that it's really only a minority who think like that. The vast majority of posters here, of either sex, seem like reasonable and intelligent people.

For me probably the ideal forum would be a general non-gender-specific "parenting" forum about education, relationships when kids come along, etc. Without either the presumption that the starting point is "from a woman's perspective" (inherent in the name here), or the peculiar half-blokey-half-apologetic tone of some "dads" discussions.

Does such a forum exist?

I joined this forum after a friend mentioned it; main reason, though, is that I?m a parent. I usually only look through active so I don?t often look at a particular board, apart from legal.
I think a more visible effort by MNHQ to welcome dads would be a good thing but can?t see it happening any time soon, although a less (seemingly) partisan approach to deletions and bans would be a good start.
I think it is easy to get the wrong impression of this site from a couple of boards in particular. As far as I can tell, some of the most vociferous, paranoid and bitchy posters on one board in particular aren?t even parents. I?d similarly suspect that those who rant on the relationships threads either don?t have relationships or only have bitter memories of the last one that failed- through no fault of their own, of course.
For all that, there are some kind, funny and intelligent people on MN and I?m always pleased when someone posts something that makes me think, even if I disagree with it.
All in all, it?s worth being here- you just need a thick skin and a good BS detector.

I liked the comment that anyone who showed a different opinion on said thread had a mangina

Which thread was that?

yes I'm a bit curious about that thread. please link?

What amazes me about MN is how women don't really understand men at all, and visa versa.

It may say by parents for parents, but it doesn't feel that way. Also if this was a male site it would have about 20 posters on it.

I once saw a 1000 post thread about the correct way to hang toilet paper. I couldn't see that happening anywhere else but here.

My favorite men/women joke.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY:

He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it.

The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk a bit more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.

So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything, this is really worrying me.

We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to say it's all over between us.

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, he responded to my advances and we made love.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY:

England lost. Got a shag though

i think its the one the op's on about tyr. Its been deleted. The chainsaw one

I'd like it if more men posted.

I'd like it more if less people with a chip on their shoulder posted.

I'd like it more if people who have had a sense of humour bypass weren't allowed to post.

If you can help with any of the above - FAB

velcro

Ah yes, the perp who turned out to be a victim and vice versa. The MN chainsaw massacre.
Have they deleted it?
Curious, that......

yes then one of the other ladies who was of the same opinion as us started another thread about it, that got deleted. then a thread started about her, she came in, seen it and loads of people were taking the piss.

It was all a bit nasty IMO, i havent seen her for a few days and she sent me a message saying she wasnt a troll and what will she do. I then think she started another thread and i havent heard from or seen about sinceI dont think she was a troll, or a man she just stood her ground.

That was the strangest thread ive ever been on.

HQ put on bunfight its getting deleted.

"The MN chainsaw massacre."

ROFLMAO. Brilliant!

Just wanted to say one thing in addition to, and in some ways contrary to, what I said above. That is that one thing I've been astounded by, reading these boards, is just how many REALLY FUCKED UP EVIL MEN there are out there. I think I probably underestimated the occurrence of serious DV and just plain power-hungry bastards who see their partners as nothing more than chattels to be controlled. But when I read thread after thread from people who have been through two, three or four such relationships, I must admit I start to think, "fuck, it's no wonder we have such a bad name".

None of which justifies the generalisations, of course. And there are evil women too, of course. But I think if I'd been through what some people here have been through, I'd want to put the need for support and solidarity above objectivity too.

It's hard to keep up with it all; threads about threads and all that. What I remember most (aside from the obvious) was two or three morons posting spam to fill the thread up.
All in all, it was pretty disgraceful.

bit like your post, youllbe:

Why men will never be agony aunts:

Why men should never be agony aunts:

Dear Andrew,

Last week I left home for work but after a mile my car broke down. I walked back home to find my wife in bed with our 19 year old (male) babysitter. My wife and the babysitter told me the affair had been going on for two years and that they were deeply in love. Can you help me? I'm desperate!

Dear reader,
the most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel line. If this isn't the cause, it may be the alternator. Hope this helps. Andrew.

What amazes me about MN is how women don't really understand men at all, and visa versa.

Amen to that brother. Site needs a full-time translation service.

That's not even necessarily such a problem. The problem is that so many people THINK that they DO understand people of the opposite sex, and make all kinds of unconscious assumptions about them based on how they would feel in their shoes. After all, we're all just "people" right?

Wrong.

what sometimes amazes me is just how shitty some women can be to other women around here. And the ease with which the most innocuous threads can 'kick off'.....the male equiv. of "you looking at me, mate?" comes as "was that post meant for me?"

The 'hide thread' button gets fair usage in Panland.

I've been on here for years and have never really found any serious man bashing. Lots of women sounding off about their husband's who have pissed them off, either seriously or light heartedly. But gents, what's one of the main topics when we all get together? Our other halves.

Some of the threads in relationships make me so sad. So many examples of women living in fear or with men who treat them like possessions.

MN has opened my eyes in a lot of ways.

Also, though, us men are generally more direct in our interactions. This can come across, to women on here, as negative, presumptious or aggressive when it isn't necessarily.

I agree with Pan. Women can be incredibly shitty to other women.

I am coming across a lot of posters who completely disregard everything you say and tell you that you're wrong but then won't accept that you think they are wrong.

I think it's fair to say that MN has it's fair share of arseholes. As does real life.

Confidence,

There are some fucked up, evil people about but I doubt there are enough of them to go around. Thing is, when people post about their woes and troubles, it's always the other person's fault. Their ex patners are probably on a forum somewhere saying what a thoroughly unpleasant piece of work they were too.
You don't get many ex's of either gender who say, "In fairness, I've been a bit of an arse myself."

another thing is a notion that MN is in some 'representative' of women in this country, a sort of 'sample'. The women in my life currently are two friends who I chat with, two sisters who I talk with irregularly, and lots of women at work ( I am in a female-dominated 'industry') - when I have mentioned MN at times, there is a def. separation between them and here. a couple of work women have been and gone exclaiming how 'odd' the place is.
I still like it, though I also like to be absent for stretches.

TV - Iagree - not seen much man-bashing, and when it starts lots of women do weigh in and sort it out, ime.