Exercise No. 3 "A Soldier' s Journal"

[AussieSim]

A US soldier that was supposed to go home to his wife and family this week, has been told that in light of recent events, he now has to stay in Iraq for another 3 months. He sits down to write in his journal about it ...

I can't fuckin believe it. I shoulda been on a plane home by now. Deb is hittin the roof, as if it is not bad enough that she has been put on Prozac and I haven't seen the baby yet. Leave it to em I say and they can blow em selves up and we can just send in cleaners later. GWB has no clue what is goin on and neither do the eejits he has sent in here to run the place. I've seen five guys from my unit killed already. Will I be the next? Maybe I can fake sickness or even madness - not that they took Chuck seriously when he tried that on in Afganistan. What I wouldn't give to be lying on the couch at home watchin football instead of being in this hellhole. Why couldn't I have ignored Uncle Sam when I had the chance?

Tonight I called Shelley, my honey sweet Shelley, and broke her the news that we will not be coming back to our families. I miss her so much, and my little guy, it breaks my heart. I miss her laughter and her shiny hair all over my face, and my arms real ache to hold her again and bury myself someplace where I don't need eyes in the back of my goddamn head. Shelley my baby when I do come home ? and I WILL come home sweetheart ? you and Michael will not touch the ground for so long ? I promise you I will hug you both until you cry for me to stop.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. Dear God help me get through this. 3 more months. I can't wait another three days to see Anne Marie and little Martin Jnr. I don't know if I can survive another 12 weeks of this. I keep seeing Scottie's eyes as he tried to get out of the burning tank, I see them when I close mine and wonder when it's my turn to burn. I guess I won't stop seeing it even if I get out of here. The only way for a young black man from Philly to reach his dream of being a doctor seemed like selling a piece of my life to Uncle Sam. Feels like every day I get closer to trading in the whole thing rather than a piece.

Just joining in if you all don't mind!!!

Sitting here trying to suppress a smile - you see all the guys are really down tonight 'cos we've all been told we're staying on here a bit longer than we thought. Me though! Naw! No way am I down. Thought of going back to that moaning little b*h she's made my life hell. Can't believe how much I've enjoyed my time out here even although it gets a bit hairy at times. Nothing like being with real mates, the kind you can really depend on. Not like that slut who's gone off with some guy as soon as my back was turned.

Still I miss the little one, wonder whether he'll even realises who I am when I get back. No doubt her new fella will now be playing f***g daddy by now. God too much time to think out here off to see whether any of the lads fancy a hand of cards. Should take our mind off things. Yes, should take my mind of things.

i saw a little boy today get killed and the first thing i thought of was thank god i get to hold mine in my arms soon very soon and then that pig goes and tells me i got another three months of this hell god why dont tony blair and george bush come here and fight seeing as there the ones who wanted this bloody war after all and let us go home to our familys where we want to be
after seeing that boy get killed i saw his mother just scream as she had to watch her boy die he got caught in cross fire and now he's dead i wounder will i ever get to see my baby boy or will it be chosen that i have to die next this aint a bloody war this is a suiside mission with me in the fireing line i just hope to god that this dont affect me to much as i want my son to have the happy daddy that he once had not this cold bitter man who has seen so many deaths that death is starting to have no meaning any more

I don?t think I can do it, I don?t think I can stay here another day, never mind another 3 months. Biggest mistake of my life, joining up. Tammy was right, she said I?d hate it, taking orders, and she was right about that, I never did like doing as I was told. But it?s not that that?s the problem. Being in the army at home was easy, all exercises, marching, training, playing with guns. Like Tammy said, boys and their toys. I used to laugh. But now I?m here and the boys are shooting with their toys, killing with them. I?ve got my own two babes at home, waiting for me, but how can I look them in the eye when I?ve taken someone else?s baby away from them. Just ?cos he?s all grown up doesn?t stop him being someone?s baby, just ?cos he?s throwing rocks at a tank and shouting at me, just ?cos he pulled a gun and waved it at me?he?s still someone?s baby. And she was there, his mother, when he was laying on the ground, after Smithy shot him down, cradling him in her arms and howling, his blood all over her hands and her face. And all I could see was my own babies and their mother, who I want to be with now, today, more than anything in the world, but how can I? How can I go home?

These are all great - really moving, and from different perspectives! Give yourselves a pat on the back!!

All ready to write down 4 more sleeps and now there are 96. That number is how I feel - at nines and sixes, it feels like a death sentence. All because of Earth Day, our division pulled the short straw from the helmet and we get to stay because of Uncle Sams twofold environmental motto. "Preserve the Environment While Protecting Our Freedom". Seems like a twofold piece of crap to me.

The guts of the extended stay spiel we were feed goes along these lines. We, the American representatives, the guardians of freedom, must show the Iraqian people the value of peace and freedom with an environmental feel good flourish. So our guns now share shoulders with spades. Spades to put up signs. And what do the signs say? "Don´t walk here we bombed your country with our wonder metal" The "environmental" remedy for polluting the neighbourhood with depleted uranium - sorry folks, but here is a lovely sign to make it up to you.

They make is sound like it is some damn priviledge to remain here and advertise our trail of debris. But the guys talk. They talk about how soldiers from other conflicts have suffered the effects of wonder metal. Gulf War, Afghanistan, Bosnia. What kind of responsibility are we really shouldering? Our spades cannot dig deep enough to protect and preserve.

I want to go home - I am starting to forget what it is like to hold Mary and play with the girls. I am shattered, I am angry and I am really scared. I don´t believe anymore in this capitalist war ANY MORE.