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Victims of crime

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. For free advice contact Victim Support.https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Original poster

I was raped by my boss and I don’t know how to respond

59 replies

bpriceI · 27/04/2023 20:10

Hi all,

firstly I’m sorry for airing this hear - I’m hoping that writing it will be some what cathartic but I’m aware it’s 99% not the right outlet for it.

I work for a small start up, I got an intro to the job as my partner knows the owner and founder - we live in a relatively small area and he’s (the boss) is very well liked and respected by most.

having known him personally our working relationship has always been ok - but it’s always been that, a working relation and at a push a casual friendship.

Following a client event this week, we walked home together as sickeningly - “he didn’t want me to walk through a park alone”. Just before we left the park he stopped. We’d been casually chatting before. And asked me what I think about affairs (we had a couple fired for a public affair and extortion fairly recently). I of course told him they were wrong - and then he kissed me.

He kissed me and I didn’t see I coming (at no point have I even thought about what he looks like). He walked me into the bushes, and proceeded to have sex with me. At no point did he hold me down but I equally didn’t run. I worried that he would fire me if I wasn’t seeming like I liked it enough - it’s almost like I helped him, while tears streamed down my face in a bush in a park. When he was finished we walked home and he tried to make casual conversation that he hoped not to see any baby look alikes in the area.

I walked home, stripped off my clothes and washed the dirt from under my nails. I sexually pleased my partner because we had made plans to earlier in the day. And now I’m questioning if I did this. Am I over reacting? And what the f* do I do now

OP posts:
Missingmyusername · 27/04/2023 20:14

I am so sorry this happened to you, would you ring the police? That’s what I would do.

I would also go to an std clinic and take the morning after pill.

You must be traumatised, is there anyone you can talk to in real life?

Missingmyusername · 27/04/2023 20:15

No you aren’t overreacting, you were raped. I hope someone can come on soon with better advice.

Original poster
bpriceI · 27/04/2023 20:17

I went to an SARC the next day, I had emergency contraception and they took evidence if I change my mind. But I’m conscious he has a company (which I’ve loved working at) and kids. Plus I’m worried my parter will beat him and end up in jail away from our son - it’s a mess

OP posts:
iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 27/04/2023 20:20

I'm so sorry this has happened to you 💐

You have done the right thing by going to SARC and now take some time to look after yourself and decide what you want to do

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/04/2023 20:28

That's so awful. What a bastard he is. I really think you should take it further if you can. 💐

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/04/2023 20:30

He didn't think about his company or his kids when he was raping you, did he? Please talk to the police.

Missingmyusername · 27/04/2023 20:31

I would be afraid it would happen again, I couldn’t carry on working with him. At the very least would you consider counselling /talking this through with a professional?

savoycabbage · 27/04/2023 20:33

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I really think you are going to have to let go of the job. It's not fair, it's not your fault.

His job, company and his kids are not your responsibility to protect.

Silverbook · 27/04/2023 20:42

I'm so sorry you are living through this. Please go to the police. Your strength could stop him from doing this again. It's also possible he's done this before. Also, you will need support going forward (if you go to the police or not) and by telling your partner you'll be able to be completely honest about your feelings as you go forward. Find somebody you can talk to in RL. You deserve and will need that. x

TooOldForThisNonsense · 27/04/2023 20:45

OMG this is awful. I’m so sorry x

Dibbydoos · 27/04/2023 20:49

How awful OP. Sending you a virtual hug.

Rape can be just as you describe, it's a cohersion versus violent.

He used his position to do it and you should be outraged by it too. You were not to blame.

You need to leave the company. You could threaten him with a tribunal over it all so he pays you off and that will give you time to find another job or you could go full on against him.

Whatever decision you take is yours to make and this is about outcomes for you noone else.

Your DP will be as mad as hell but he probably needs to know. When and how you do this is up to you. As part of this you can be clear about your fear of him seeking retribution.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, so once this start up is making money, a lawsuit might be a good option (if money would help you deal with what has happened and is at least a good start towards retribution) esp as the evidence has been taken.

Good luck OP. X

Galatine · 27/04/2023 20:55

You need to leave the company. You could threaten him with a tribunal over it all so he pays you off and that will give you time to find another job or you could go full on against him.

And let him get a highly paid Lawyer to tear the OP to shreds, with no legal aid to help to present her case.

Really Mumsnet often gives stupid advice but this plumbs new depths.

azimuth299 · 27/04/2023 21:00

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have no advice, apart from that this isn't your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of 💐

drpet49 · 27/04/2023 21:02

i don’t know how you could even contemplate staying at your job. Leave and report him to the police.

Original poster
bpriceI · 27/04/2023 21:04

Because I have a small child to think about financially and a life I may be about to flip on its head

OP posts:
Mariposista · 27/04/2023 21:08

He needs to be kept as far away from his employees and children as possible. Please report this vile excuse of a human being.

Nomad12 · 27/04/2023 21:15

OP, he mentioned "affair", which likely means he's hoping for a repeat. I'm so sorry you've been through this. It sounds like it isn't the first time he's done something like this, and I'm afraid it's likely not to be the last. I would quit the job and press charges. You could present it to your husband that pressing charges would be a worse punishment than beating him up. 🤗

strawberriesarenot · 27/04/2023 21:16

I am sorry this happened to you. I am guessing you are not the first person he has raped. It's not fair to you, but he needs stopping. I think you have to report him.

Somertime · 27/04/2023 21:17

You dont have to go to the police if you dont want to. It's your choice, nobody elses choice. And it's not your responsibility to think about protecting other people - you need to protect yourself right now.
But you cant work there any more. Trying to be 'professional' around him will likely damage you in the long run. There are other jobs, even if they pay less for now. Please take care of yourself.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 27/04/2023 21:30

💐 for you op.

momtoboys · 27/04/2023 21:33

I'm so sorry.

Greenfairydust · 27/04/2023 21:34

Be realistic OP, you can't stay in this job. Because he will assault you again or he will find a way to fire you if you say no...

Go to the police and report him, especially if you have evidence.

MojoDaysxx · 27/04/2023 21:34

I'm so sorry. How on earth does any man think that this is acceptable. I suggest you consider leaving your job.

Elfblossom · 27/04/2023 21:36

I'm just wondering what country you're in? so that I can signpost you to resources that were helpful to me.