Could she have been murdered

[Streamofconsciousnesss]

This is a sad and strange one and not recent. Please be gentle, I would like to hear your opinion.
I can't shake off the idea that this lady I knew was murdered by her husband.

Let's call her Mary. She was married to Alan for many decades, they were happy, prosperous and enjoying their retirement. Mary wholly was devoted to Alan and to her DCs, now grown ups, and to her GDCs. Her family was her world. Her house was her pride and joy, the backdrop of all family Christmases, summer holidays, engagements, weddings, christening, etc. Mary is active and engaged in the local community.
Sadly Alan passes away very suddenly, Mary's world utterly collapses. Her only comfort are her DCs and GDCs and visiting Alan's grave several times a day.
A few months later, to the surprise of absolutely everyone, Mary announces that she has met and is engaged to a man that no one has ever heard of, Tom, they marry within the year. Her children are shocked, but also, in spite of their shock, understanding; Mary seems to be happy. I meet Tom at her wedding, a funny little man, not a patch on Alan, but Mary is happy. Soon, another surprise, she sells her house and moves to a different part of the country with Tom, and buys a very nice house there. Very strange. Things have hardly settled that Mary is diagnosed with a terminal illness, and dies within just a few months. Just an unbelievable set of events, everyone is shocked and very sad. I go to Mary's funeral and there, the second I am greeted by Alan, this thought comes to my mind, from absolutely nowhere: 'You've killed her, haven't you.' This is kind of thought that you are supposed to dismiss, so I do, of course. Anyway, the situation is sad enough without crazy thoughts.
A little time passes, and then it turns out that Mary had altered her will to leave everything, house and money to Tom and nothing at all to her DCs and GDs. Her DCs, distraught by the deaths of both their parents in less than 2 years, try to fight this to the best of their abilities, but get nowhere. It's so out of character for Mary not to have wanted to look after her own family, there's no explanation for it. Tom makes off with everything and is now very hostile to Mary's family.
As if that wasn't enough, Tom gets married again, just a year later. No idea what happened to him since.

I mean, what the heck. Thank you if you've read so far. Seeing it written down actually convinces me even more that Mary was targeted and killed for her money. This is quite a few years ago but I can't shake that thought. I can't bear to imagine Mary's final months if this is true. What do you think?

I was told they met at a very respectable function. Any more than that too outing.

Surely you know her full name if you went to her funeral? :/

I know her birth name and the married name I knew her under for many years, but no, can't remember the family name of her second husband, that was years ago.
:/

I don’t understand why you don’t know her married name.

1. you went to her funeral
2. you are thinking of investigating what her second husband is up to now. How would you even begin to do this if you don’t know his name?

If she had cancer I highly doubt he would have killed her - 1) because she would have been monitored by the hospital and 2) because she was going to die anyway.

It sounds more like he was very controlling/manipulative and sold her some BS story about her DCs never getting a penny if she dies from illness.
So leaving it to him would ensure they got their fair share - which is obviously not true.

A terminal illness is hard to fake.

You say you're related so could you ask another member of the family what his name was? If that's not an option you could search for the marriage record online.

You should listen to The Lady Vanishes podcast about an Australian woman who disappeared 30 years ago after meeting what now seems like a conman. The inquest is still ongoing, the coroner will announce their verdict next week. There is a man at the centre if it who is suspected of bumping her off and there is now a string of women who he has lovebombed, conned out of money, etc. sounds like some of them had near misses about being bumped off themselves. All well off, single, often recently widowed, lonely.

I think it's normal to look for reasons to explain unreasonable behaviour. It's easier to think someone was tricked and coerced into something rather than accept they were selfish and feckless. It's very likely that Mary willingly got with Tom within months of her husband dying, then chose to dedicate herself and everything she had to her new husband, like she did with Alan. Some women just can't be without a man.

I'm with you @BadNomad . There's zero evidence of murder here, it's only gut feeling.

You only have to read these boards to see how many women will put their rotten partners wants above their young DC needs just because they don't want to be single. In women of older generations I think this "husband comes first" attitude was even more prevalent and stronger, with women deliberately sidelining themselves and DC on marriage. And this woman's DC were adults with their own lives, not dependants.

I can well believe Mary hated being alone if she was visiting a grave several times a day, which is excessive by anyone's standards. She may have lived for her DC and DGC but if she had time to visit a grave several times a day those family members weren't around on a day to day basis or if they were, it wasn't for long enough to plug the gap caused by her loneliness at being bereaved. So I can equally well imagine she threw her lot in with the first nice man who asked and prioritised him from the outset.

Maybe Mary did what he wanted in moving away or perhaps she also wanted to go elsewhere. It shouldn't be underestimated the debilitating effects of being surrounded by "ghosts". Everywhere Mary turned she would have seen the gap that was Alan, maybe starting again in a new house and town was helpful for avoiding that and being able to move on with her life. She may even have loved Alan more than Tom, but she had a new husband who was still alive, it wouldn't have been fair to him for her to continue to live in the past.

Someone of her age easily would leave everything to their husband in their will with the "husband comes first" mentality. Perhaps Tom had intended to pass on some of the wealth on his death to Mary's DC and DGC. I don't find it at all surprising that he was hostile towards her family when approached shortly after his wife's death by people wanting a slice of her inheritance and even going so far as to contest the will. If I was in that situation with a newly deceased spouse and had intended to make provision for their relatives in my will, but then was approached by them wanting what they saw as theirs, I wouldn't bother to mention my future plans. I'd just be angry at their treatment of me and would change my will to cut them out.

Aggressive cancer is not something that can be faked, what you might be feeling is that he didn’t care so much about her, and was using her. He already was getting to live in her house. The will going to him is not right, and so it shows he didn’t care about her life, or her kids. It might be worth contesting if it is not too late.

@Byfleet Because I don't remember? I don't know about your family, but in mine we're on first name terms, even if you only see them a few times a year. I mean it was 22 years ago. Anyway it's by the by. Not thinking about investigating him, it was a throwaway remark about wondering what happened to him and his new wife next, because if she's ok it's a good sign.

@CarefreeMe she was diagnosed very soon after they moved away. We don't know how for how long she was ill before.
You mean hard to provoke? it depends which one.

@MollieMarie yes I could ask what his name was. I tried searching for the marriage certificate on the GRO website and it could work with only his forename but I'm missing the exact wedding date so far.

@QuebecBagnet yes, we know there are predatory men out there. It happens to real people, it's not because it's sounds crazy that it's not possible.

@BadNomad The will was really surprising and uncharacteristic, but your idea that she might have devoted herself and all her worldly goods to her new husband, just as she had to her first one, is interesting, and very plausible. It might not even have been a question in her mind, that that was the thing to do and that of course, he would do the right thing for her children.

@Shopaholic123Go Yes, it could very much be a case of 'husband comes first', it would certainly be an unsurprising stance for her generation.
And that a deep need to fill a void was a reason for falling for Tom so quickly, that's how it seemed at the time. However she was not a hopeless creature. She came from a family that knew the value of money and was also, all her life very astute with money, and earning independently, with some noted achievements. Her visiting Alan's grave several times a day was not difficult or inconvenient, she wasn't prostrate, she kept up with her activities. She had all the support and time her family could give her without actually moving in, a lot of presence, which made it all the more shocking to them when this new man was presented as a fait-accompli. However they loved her, respected her wishes and wanted what was best for her, including if it meant leaving the family house, since they could understand why it could be difficult to remain there. But it was sad that her moving so far away prevented her being as involved with her GDs as she had been before.
I think you get it all wrong with her DCs 'approaching' him shortly after her death and 'wanting a slice', I mean, seriously. There were very real reasons why the will's terms came as a shock to them, and her husband odious behaviour from then on was not exactly owe inspiring. You would contest your mother's will too, if you felt it was nothing like what she had told you it would be, for no reasons you're aware of. It was also the sum total of both their parents hard working lives, so morally, nothing to do with Alan. They weren't looking to make him destitute, but the fact is, he didn't come into the marriage with very much at all, as far as they knew, and he could have been fairer, or even civil. The fact that he remarried so quickly didn't endear him to them either.

@Bananasinpyjamas21 You're right, as soon as she was gone, he stopped being a nice old man and showed that he actually didn't like her family at all.
This was so long ago, I think they did what they could, with whatever appetite they could muster for such a distasteful legal fight, and it's been wrapped up, in any case, the money is probably long gone now.

She might have wanted to go all in for her second marriage but why would she cut out her children especially knowing she'd die before her H2.

I'D BE asking the police to look into it very thoroughly

There are two separate issues here.

She died of cancer - a natural event.

She was persuaded to change her will by her dodgy new husband - and this is what you should be able to challenge in court.

It’s very odd that you seem to know the ins and outs of minor details of this mans life but keep getting his first name wrong and can’t even remember his surname?

What’s brought this up now for you after 20 odd years?

It’s very odd that you seem to know the ins and outs of minor details of this mans life but keep getting his first name wrong and can’t even remember his surname?

To be fair, OP has explained that she deliberately changed their names

I know someone who died mysteriously during chemo treatment. Young guy, had advanced leukemia but GPs were managing it. It was strange and was investigated but ultimately put down to his Cancer treatment. Nearly 15 years later it has emerged his wife killed him with insulin because he’d changed his will to leave his savings to his sister. Body was cremated so there’s no evidence any more; but the police are pursuing a conviction based on a number of different witnesses. So it could happen.

It’s very odd that you seem to know the ins and outs of minor details of this mans life but keep getting his first name wrong and can’t even remember his surname? What’s brought this up now for you after 20 odd years?

I know a lot about Alan Tom? No I really don't, @BadNomad if you can understand what I write which you clearly can't.
Why the hostility? Is it random?

Chilling stuff@RunLolaRun102 so, witnesses came forward recently?

I believe you can see the will online via a government site. Search probate. If she had disseminated cancer he could not have killed her and she is entitled to leave her home to whoever she likes. No one can prove either way if she was coerced and I suspect the DCs were equally hostile to him on finding the terms of the will. Unless he forged the will there is no crime. No one knows what went on in the marriage except them. The rest is speculation

Have you contacted the police? I think you should raise your concerns as they could check what he's up to now and see if there is a pattern. I work in the police and we would definitely look into this allegation.

Nothing you have said suggests murder, if that helps. Im just going on the facts you've shared here, I don't have any anecdote of my own.

@CressidaV What? If you're talking about that part in bold, I didn't write that. Otherwise, I don't know where you think I was being hostile.