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Creative writing

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Opinions much appreciated

3 replies

MegSophandEmma · 20/05/2009 18:16

I have my creative writing exam due in tomorrow and would like peoples opinions please. The question I chose was to write a poem, with a minimum of 40 lines. The first line of the poem was from a choice of four. I chose "The girl on the swing."

Thanks for your help

The girl on the swing,
Her cherub smile beaming.
Guardians entranced,
Displayed before them,
The epitome of innocence;
Their creation.

The girl on the swing,
Free play is hers.
Souring through heaven,
On back's of unicorns.
She seeks realms of magic
And rainbows to climb.

The girl on the swing,
Dancing in circles,
Twisting and turning; giggles rise.
Whirling above them,
Brushing each golden leaf.

The girl on the swing,
With cycles; she follows the moon.
Once again lost in wonders.
Wonders of paths ahead.
Fantasy's of girlhood demised.

The girl on the swing,
Touched by the hand of Venus,
Mars in motion beside her.
Butterflies perform a delicate dance.
Two souls intertwine.

The girl on the swing,
Covered in darkness.
Burnt, red, rusting chains,
Providing no comfort.
Her banshee cries resounding,
Betrayed by his venomous blood.

The girl on the swing,
Back in worlds of make believe:
She's chasing dragons,
Feeling fire on her breath.
Tracks of black before her.
Grasping euphoric heights.

The girl on the swing,
One last push;
Her ultimate desire.
Disillusioned, yet free now.
She flies, forever unreachable
Sitting on wings of a raven

OP posts:
MegSophandEmma · 20/05/2009 18:58

bump

OP posts:
janeite · 20/05/2009 19:00

Sorry to have my English teacher hat on but you need to check your use of apostrophes.

MegSophandEmma · 20/05/2009 19:05

No no Jan thanks! Have problems still with my punctuation etc.. I see where you mean though

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