Sir Snibbs and the Dragon

[sevenearths]

Here is a childrens story I have written. I thought I'd share it here :)

D = Description
T = Text

Page 1
D: Snibbs is in the kitchen and his dad asks if he wants to go and get the post that has just arrived
T: “Snibbs's dad is excited for the post has come,
He grabs his keys and says 'Lets have some fun”

Page 2
D: Snibbs leaves the house and turns into a knight. He descends the steps to set off on his quest. (leaving a castle, people waving him off, inc. his mother)
T: “With heavy armour and ready to fight,
Sir Snibbs marches out into bright daylight”

Page 3
D: Snibbs and his dad head off on a little detour through the woods
T: “Between Snibbs, his father and the prize,
lies a forest of great size”

Page 4
D: Snibbs's father swipes down to pick snibbs up a stick to play with. Snibbs imagination takes over
T: “With a steed and a sword of great might,
There is not a single thing he can not fight”

Page 5
D: A lumbering dragon with floppy ears comes towards them through the wood. With the sun behind him the dog looks like he's on fire.
“But wait! What is this beast we can not evade,
Come on Snibbs, be strong, don’t be afraid”

Page 6
D: Fearful of the Dragon Snibbs dismounts his steed and hides. His dad gets rid of the dog by throwing a ball off into the distance
T: “The dragon comes closer it's mouth open wide,
Snibbs thinks 'I don't want to be in it's inside'”
“Snibb's runs from the dragon in great fright
but his trusty steed knows a game it might like”

Page 7
D: With the dragon gone Snibbs mounts his steed and carries on with his quest
T: “With the Dragon vanished and the coast clear
Sir Snibbs can feel the prize in near”

Page 8
D: Snibbs and his father reach the post box and retrieve the mail (the mail is the prize/gauntlet)
T: “What is this that is square in size?
Can it be? The ultimate prize?”

Page 9
D: Snibbs and his dad return to the house along the track all the while on the look out for dragons
T: “With the prize in their hands
they return to the castle through dangerous lands”

Page 10
D: The dragon is blocking the door (sleeping). Oh no!
T: “But just as they are about to enter the keep
They find a dragon who is asleep”

Page 11
D: Snibbs raises his sword to slay the dragon
T: “This is the time to strike, one blow,
to rid this land of this awful foe”

Page 12
D: Daddy shouts out 'No! We do not hurt animals'
T: “But the kings voice thunders 'NO!'”
“THERE ARE SOME PLACE WE DO NOT NOT GO!”

Page 13
D: Snibbs puts his sword down. The dog licks his face
T: “The knight puts his sword by his waist,
the gentle dragon licks his face”

Page 14
D: Snibbs runs into the kitchen with the mail triumphantly in his hands
T: “Mummy hears Snibbs's little feet, 'Wow (she thinks), the quest must be complete'”

Page 15
D: Mum picks up snibbs and swirls him round
T: “It is always important to do what is right,
For every day needs a brave knight“

Nice that the dragon came through unscathed!

Do you have any plans for the story, or was it just written for fun?

Yeah the dragon did come through unscathed didn’t it :)

I think I might look into getting an illustrator for it. There are some incredibly talented people that might be able to breath life into it.

I decided to setup a little website for it as well (just in case it turns into something)

boboandsnibbs.com/

Best of luck with the project! It's not a market I know anything about so I have no useful advice, but I hope you get some interest in it.

I like the concept.

The verses don't scan so it's very difficult to read out loud.

(still, at least you have made it all rhyme, unlike one dreadful book we had where the author had obviously given up the struggle and thought fuckit, no-one will notice if I rhyme jumped with sauce )

Are you outside the UK? The idea of leaving the house to fetch the delivered post is alien to most of us (if you're in the US, you should of course ignore this quibble).

I would strongly suggest you write the story in prose.

@WeetabixComesAtAPrice

Best of luck with the project! It's not a market I know anything about so I have no useful advice, but I hope you get some interest in it.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. It means a lot to me :)

@merryhouse

I like the concept.

The verses don't scan so it's very difficult to read out loud.

(still, at least you have made it all rhyme, unlike one dreadful book we had where the author had obviously given up the struggle and thought fuckit, no-one will notice if I rhyme jumped with sauce )

Are you outside the UK? The idea of leaving the house to fetch the delivered post is alien to most of us (if you're in the US, you should of course ignore this quibble).

I would strongly suggest you write the story in prose.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I remember reading somewhere that a good children's book should consist of; animals, rhyme & adventure. I used those as guides when compiling the story.

"Are you outside the UK?" - No. I'm in Wales :)

"The idea of leaving the house to fetch the delivered post is alien to most of us..." - I think with the proliferation of American media a lot of children have become accustomed to the idea of mail being delivered to the end of the drive as something that happens (+ an adventure to the front door wouldn't be quite the same ).

"I would strongly suggest you write the story in prose." - That's a good point. I didn't think of that.

So I decided to take some time out over the weekend and look at the illustrators available on the web. There are some incredibly talented people out there.

Which one do you like the look of?

@sevenearths

So I decided to take some time out over the weekend and look at the illustrators available on the web. There are some incredibly talented people out there.

Which one do you like the look of?

I also did a post about this on a website I created for "Bobo & Snibbs" :)

boboandsnibbs.com/finding-an-illustrators/

I don't think you should be using people's pictures on your website without crediting their work.

@leanmeancoffeebean

I don't think you should be using people's pictures on your website without crediting their work.

Absolutely this. You've no attributions on your website?

Honestly, I think it's great you'd like to write a story but this one isn't great. Not a lot happens for a start.

Maybe use this as the starting point for more work?

@leanmeancoffeebean

I don't think you should be using people's pictures on your website without crediting their work.

That's a very good point. I'll update the site with links to there homepages. Thanks :)

They're all excellent, but I think the artist who did the picture of the waves with the rowing boat would be a good choice for your story - there's a lot of drama in that scene.

@leanmeancoffeebean

I don't think you should be using people's pictures on your website without crediting their work.

All those illustrators have attributed now :)

(boboandsnibbs.com/finding-an-illustrator/)

@EarringsandLipstick thanks for taking the time to read the story (much appreciated). I'll see if I can add some more depth and action to it. There is always room for improvement :)

@WeetabixComesAtAPrice

They're all excellent, but I think the artist who did the picture of the waves with the rowing boat would be a good choice for your story - there's a lot of drama in that scene.

I think your right.[[https://www.behance.net/patcorrigan] Patrick's] work is is great! There is a real sense of danger in that one. His other work is really evocative as well.

It's quite a short story. I believe most children's picture books are 32 pages and this is a pretty standard format: www.wordsandpics.org/2013/07/picture-book-basics-understanding-format.html

That was the first result I found when googling but I'm sure there will be lots more info out there about formats and layouts.

I agree with @EarringsandLipstick. I think the story needs a lot more work. For one thing, it’s a bit puzzling that the child (who is strangely-named) seems to be repeatedly afraid of the family pet — isn’t the dog more likely to figure as the trusty steed or companion than the dragon? And shouldn’t the post in itself be of some interest to the child? Is it something he’s been longing for, as he’s not going to be excited to go and get an electricity bill and a bank statement? If the child and the father go down to get the post every day, is there some reason why today is a big quest? Might it be the first time the child has been allowed to go to get the post himself?

What age is this book aimed at?

Have you researched agents? Because often they’re going to pitch text only and an editor would then match the text with an illustrator — pitching to agents as a duo is pretty unusual, because the agents commission is split. I think paying for an illustrator yourself would be extremely expensive. Or were you planning to self-publish?

@StarryStarrySocks

It's quite a short story. I believe most children's picture books are 32 pages and this is a pretty standard format: www.wordsandpics.org/2013/07/picture-book-basics-understanding-format.html

That was the first result I found when googling but I'm sure there will be lots more info out there about formats and layouts.

I didn't realise there was a commonly accepted children's book length when I first wrote it.

I think your right. I'll have to look into that

@DoorAjar

I agree with *@EarringsandLipstick*. I think the story needs a lot more work. For one thing, it’s a bit puzzling that the child (who is strangely-named) seems to be repeatedly afraid of the family pet — isn’t the dog more likely to figure as the trusty steed or companion than the dragon? And shouldn’t the post in itself be of some interest to the child? Is it something he’s been longing for, as he’s not going to be excited to go and get an electricity bill and a bank statement? If the child and the father go down to get the post every day, is there some reason why today is a big quest? Might it be the first time the child has been allowed to go to get the post himself?

What age is this book aimed at?

Have you researched agents? Because often they’re going to pitch text only and an editor would then match the text with an illustrator — pitching to agents as a duo is pretty unusual, because the agents commission is split. I think paying for an illustrator yourself would be extremely expensive. Or were you planning to self-publish?

Woah! So many questions :)

"For one thing, it’s a bit puzzling that the child (who is strangely-named) seems to be repeatedly afraid of the family pet" - Oh! I thought I was just making him afraid of the dragon.

"isn’t the dog more likely to figure as the trusty steed or companion than the dragon?" - at the moment it's just the dragon

"And shouldn’t the post in itself be of some interest to the child? Is it something he’s been longing for, as he’s not going to be excited to go and get an electricity bill and a bank statement?" - I could be. It could be something like a birthday invitation

"is there some reason why today is a big quest?" - No reason. Just a father and son enjoying themselves :)

"What age is this book aimed at?" - 3-5yrs I think would enjoy it most

"...Or were you planning to self-publish?" - I think that's probably what I'm going to end up doing

Thanks for the feedback by the way

I didn't mean to add that many smiles

What is the core of the story is, OP?

Some of the content here seems to match my understanding about page numbers and word counts.

www.jennybowman.com/what-genre-is-my-childrens-book/#:~:text=At%20standard%2C%20picture%20books%20are,32%2C%2040%20or%2048%20pages.

[quote Zilla1]What is the core of the story is, OP?

Some of the content here seems to match my understanding about page numbers and word counts.

www.jennybowman.com/what-genre-is-my-childrens-book/#:~:text=At%20standard%2C%20picture%20books%20are,32%2C%2040%20or%2048%20pages.[/quote]
Sorry but what does OP mean?

Thanks for the link buy the way. I Think Sir Snibbs & the Dragon would fit well into the picture book category. It says:

• book lengths in that category can be any multiple of 8 (I'm hoping it will be 24 pages)
• The protagonist has to be slightly older than who the book is aimed at (Sir Snibbs is seven but the book is aimed at 5yr olds and up)
• The text should be between 100-1000 words. The story is 250 words.

I've talked to five people this week, so hopefully I should have an illustrator by the end of the month.

OP is original poster = you, @sevenearths I was trying to ask you the question 'what is the core of the story?'. Through the sequence of events, what are you trying to say, to achieve, to communicate to the reader/child/parent?

What best-selling books aimed at the same audience/age do you like and what do you think the core of their story was?

The reason I'm asking is clarity about that can help you know which pages/story elements are necessary and work well and which need changing or removing. It's not to say that clunky 'message' stories are welcome as children and parents don't often like clumsy stories intended to deliver a message.

Good luck.