Not fitting in in rural Ireland

54 replies

Ladyinrouge · 12/12/2025 12:26

I relocated from abroad to a small village in a southern county of Ireland a few years ago.

I live alone. Moved here for.partly economic reasons, partly to care for an elderly family member. I have a house and a few acquaintances, which Im grateful for.
But. I feel so excluded from local life. Everyone seems to knkw each other forever. I go into the shops and still feel like a stranger while others greet each other warmly by name.
The 20/21 lockdowns wer a disaster for my mental health. I got chronically isolated. GP and counselling haven't helped. I just feel like such an outsider here. Everything is all.about families with young children, grandparents & everyone else can sod off. Im so depressed and isolated sometimes. Everyone else already knows everyone, on committees etc.
There is so much toxic gossip in the village you can't do anything. Then people judge you for not.mixing.

OP posts:

Authenticgreekyogurt · 21/12/2025 02:31

I just saw that you have tried activities in your nearest city and did make some friends who have since moved. It's a shame they have moved but it's a positive that looking at your nearest urban area was more successful for you. I would probably focus my efforts there and not get too dragged down by the negative aspects of your location.

mathanxiety · 21/12/2025 02:50

Ladyinrouge · 14/12/2025 01:50

This might be pertinent. I have family links in the area, but a very small family that is now reduced to one person
This elderly relative has behaved inconsistently and is known for historic quite selfish behaviour. I have tried to help.them over the years,.mostly when visiting from my life in London and elsewhere.
I experienced racial abuse in the UK at rhe time of the IRA campaigns. This, the general anti foreigner feeling in the UK since Brexit, and the sheer harshness of London life and housing costs made me desperate to leave and I felt I needed to be somewhere I had links to, even small, and by now largely historic ones. Not long after I arrived close on 2 years of lockdown hit. I dont think the village has recovered. It feels half dead.now.
I feel people are judging me if Im seen by myself in a local cafe of which there are few.
Its almost impossible to get workmen especially for small jobs and when you do they are totally unreliable about when they come and charge the earth.
I dont go to church as I dont believe in kt and the way the Catholic church has behaved appals me.
It feels like I am not seen for me, just as am adjunct to rhe relative who isn't too well and whom Ive tried to look after.

Does your relative have a bad reputation? Was he single? Married? Any children? Reputation of any children? Was he a curmudgeon? Bad blood with anyone? Any incidents like a car accident that seriously injured someone? Any issues over trespass, dogs worrying sheep, etc?

Abhannmor · 21/12/2025 14:59

@Authenticgreekyogurt makes a good point. I go to a larger town or city every fortnight or so , sometimes more often. I went on invalidity allowance for a couple of years before I qualified for OAP. The Social Welfare woman advised me to apply for a Travel card saying ' you'll go mad here if you're not working!' So I did. Fair play to her.

I also volunteered a bit. Teaching basic English to an asylum seeker. Don't despair OP. ✊

BadgernTheGarden · 21/12/2025 15:06

Ladyinrouge · 13/12/2025 13:06

While rhis remark may well be right, there is something a little bit "if you dont like it then clear off" about it. I stay here at the moment to help a disabled older relative who'd otherwise be on their own. Moving away will only be possible at an undefined future point. In the meantime Im trying to make sense of what I see, and assess my options

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Is your relative not one of the community? I would have thought that was your route in. through their relatives and long standing friends.

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