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Original poster

Wedding invite etiquette

81 replies

FoFanta · 22/01/2025 21:44

I'm getting mixed messages on what is the "done" thing, so would appreciate a steer from the wise heads of Craicnet. I used to work with a really lovely woman who has now retired. I am extremely fond of her and love meeting up. Her daughter is getting married soon (I have met the daughter a few times and she is also a lovely woman but we are not pals, and I have never met her husband to be). She has invited myself and partner to the full wedding. Now, for various reasons we can't go. I was just going to send a card, but I have been told that the expectation would be to send a gift/money as well as the card. If so, what would be the norm?

OP posts:
TaTuirseOrm · 03/02/2025 21:54

ConstanceM · 03/02/2025 21:51

I'm Indian, I can attend at least 12 weddings a year easily. (I choose not to for various reasons) There is not an expectation to pay £50 despite being able to eat and drink your body mass worth. £20 at the wedding ceremony is suffice. In fact, there is absolutely NO expectation (apart from immediate family) to spend any money at all, they appreciate people have taken time out, probably bought outfits for kids etc so NO money gifts are expected at all. That's the way to go..

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But that's not the way Irish weddings go.
Would you expect your Indian heritage around weddings to completely change, because some randomers in MN don't understand different cultures?

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 03/02/2025 22:07

So you get invited, can't go for whatever reason - fair enough.
What happens if you can't afford a big gift ? All very well not being tight bjt not everyone has loads of spare money to spend on randoms!
Have been to 2 lrish weddings and apart from not knowing many people there at all at all , they were 2 of the best weddings l have ever attended!

Original poster
FoFanta · 04/02/2025 18:25

I've spoken to our mutual friend and I'm going with a €50 voucher. It is a bit of a dose, because the couple getting married are considerably better off than me. But I love her Mum, and I would hate for her to think that I didn't appreciate the invitation.

I know it seems very extravagant to none-Irish people, but this is the way it is done here. Money gets circulated around the community for high days and holidays and not playing your part in that is seen as a bit mean.

OP posts:
TaTuirseOrm · 04/02/2025 18:57

Thanks for the update @FoFanta.

I like that expression.... Money gets circulated around the community for high days and holidays 😊

snowlady4 · 05/02/2025 22:27

CarmelaBrunella · 03/02/2025 20:36

I know, what a strange approach! Does that mean you give less to a poor couple who can't afford a top venue?!

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Exactly. Should be the other way round- give more to the cheaper wedding venue! Those friends might need it more than the swanky venue friends!. Rich or poor, I give the same sort of give.. don't care if you're serving me sandwiches or caviar!

Bunkbedbunk · 06/02/2025 08:26

There would always be a certain standard - three course meal etc.

There's never sandwiches as the main food at an Irish wedding! (I know you weren't being 100% serious!) But the cake and sandwiches in the local village hall type wedding doesn't happen in Ireland

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