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Original poster

Wedding invite etiquette

81 replies

FoFanta · 22/01/2025 21:44

I'm getting mixed messages on what is the "done" thing, so would appreciate a steer from the wise heads of Craicnet. I used to work with a really lovely woman who has now retired. I am extremely fond of her and love meeting up. Her daughter is getting married soon (I have met the daughter a few times and she is also a lovely woman but we are not pals, and I have never met her husband to be). She has invited myself and partner to the full wedding. Now, for various reasons we can't go. I was just going to send a card, but I have been told that the expectation would be to send a gift/money as well as the card. If so, what would be the norm?

OP posts:
Readytoevolve · 22/01/2025 21:51

Hi, yes sending a gift would be normal because you were invited. The going rate now for attending is €200-300, which is covering your meal and a little extra. As you’re not attending, maybe 100 or 150 In a card? It works out a lot cheaper than if you were attending.

OzCalling · 22/01/2025 21:51

I would just politely decline. It would be different if you properly knew the bride but in this case I’d say that a gift is unnecessary

Bunkbedbunk · 22/01/2025 21:55

I'd say no need for a gift either

Mog65 · 22/01/2025 22:02

I'd say no need for a gift or money. Buy a nice photo frame or something. Certainly not a huge some of money as suggested in other posts

Fink · 22/01/2025 22:16

I think given your relationship isn't close, no need for a big gift, but a small amount of money would be nice, within your means.

Disclaimer: I live in the UK and have done for many years. The only weddings I get invited to in Ireland are of extended family.

ForPearlViper · 22/01/2025 22:16

Mog65 · 22/01/2025 22:02

I'd say no need for a gift or money. Buy a nice photo frame or something. Certainly not a huge some of money as suggested in other posts

I'd say buy a token gift of some sort. But for the love of God don't buy a 'nice photo frame'. Every charity shop is overflowing with 'nice photo frames' that people were clearly gifted - they can barely give them away. Unless you buy one in a charity shop and then at least someone benefits before the cycle repeats itself.

Positivenancy · 22/01/2025 22:21

send them a €50 voucher towards a nice meal at a local restaurant maybe?

hellohellooo · 22/01/2025 22:29

Readytoevolve · 22/01/2025 21:51

Hi, yes sending a gift would be normal because you were invited. The going rate now for attending is €200-300, which is covering your meal and a little extra. As you’re not attending, maybe 100 or 150 In a card? It works out a lot cheaper than if you were attending.

Is this per couple?

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/01/2025 22:47

I'm a big collector of etiquette books.

A card is fine. Even if you were to attend, gifts are always optional.

Paradoes · 22/01/2025 22:52

In the same boat recently and we gave 50 towards a local gift/coffee shop

Hello39 · 23/01/2025 00:01

No need for a gift

Dulra · 23/01/2025 08:58

I wouldn't send a gift if you don't know her. I would if you personally knew the couple getting married. Maybe send a bunch of flowers to your colleague the day before wedding wishing her all the best for her daughters wedding

Whathashedonethistime · 23/01/2025 09:34

Nice idea about the flowers but just to mention that the day before mightn’t suit. People are often away for several days for family weddings.

TaTuirseOrm · 23/01/2025 09:53

In this situation I would send a gift.
I don't get the whole... only give a gift if you're going, you're not paying to attend... you're giving the newlyweds a gift to celebrate their wedding.
In saying that I wouldn't give the same amount as if I attended, I'd probably give them €100.

LostMyLanyard · 23/01/2025 10:34

No need for a gift at all...you don't even know the couple (I'm genuinely confused as to why you even got invited to be honest, this is so weird!)

Send a card by all means, if you wish, but the ridiculous suggestions on here of spending up to £150 on a gift to someone you a) don't know, and b) for an event you're not attending, is ludicrous!

I'd think differently if the couple were your actual close friends or a relative, but in this scenario?? No!

Readytoevolve · 23/01/2025 10:39

LostMyLanyard · 23/01/2025 10:34

No need for a gift at all...you don't even know the couple (I'm genuinely confused as to why you even got invited to be honest, this is so weird!)

Send a card by all means, if you wish, but the ridiculous suggestions on here of spending up to £150 on a gift to someone you a) don't know, and b) for an event you're not attending, is ludicrous!

I'd think differently if the couple were your actual close friends or a relative, but in this scenario?? No!

things are just different in Ireland.

TaTuirseOrm · 23/01/2025 10:44

LostMyLanyard · 23/01/2025 10:34

No need for a gift at all...you don't even know the couple (I'm genuinely confused as to why you even got invited to be honest, this is so weird!)

Send a card by all means, if you wish, but the ridiculous suggestions on here of spending up to £150 on a gift to someone you a) don't know, and b) for an event you're not attending, is ludicrous!

I'd think differently if the couple were your actual close friends or a relative, but in this scenario?? No!

It's a perfectly normal thing to be invited to a wedding of your friend's DC.
(And unless it's in NI, it won't be £ - so there's a saving 😉).

Maddy70 · 23/01/2025 10:59

Yes decline and send a gift but.... No one will judge you if you don't send a gift

BarbaraHoward · 23/01/2025 11:36

I'm Irish and wouldn't send a gift in this situation - I would if the bride or groom was a good friend or family member (but in that case it would be very unlikely I'd be declining anyway!).

SuperMaybe · 23/01/2025 11:40

I wouldn't get a gift. I'd decline politely and leave it at that.

Hadalifeonce · 23/01/2025 11:40

Decline, and no need for a gift.

snowlady4 · 23/01/2025 12:15

I would send a card and a token gift or small voucher. Certainly not the €200-€300 suggested, maybe a bottle of champagne. It's a nice gesture, if you can manage it. If not the gift, I'd definitely send a card- either an RSVP or a wedding card.
The "pay for your meal," (that you're not having and didn't ask for,) mentality drives me mad. I actually find it quite vulgar. It's a gift, not a payment plan!

olympicsrock · 23/01/2025 12:17

Decline , nice card but no need for A gift .

barofsoap · 23/01/2025 12:19

agree nice card, only send gift if you are particularly close to the bride

deeahgwitch · 03/02/2025 10:40

Is the wedding in Ireland or the UK @FoFanta ?
Did you work with the woman in the UK and was her daughter reared in the UK ?
If It was in the UK then UK "rules" apply - a nice card and a token gift - a bottle of champagne perhaps ?

If however you worked with the mother in Ireland, the daughter was reared in Ireland and the wedding is in Ireland, I would send a card and spend about a €100 on a gift voucher.