How do I get my DD away from Irish dancing?

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She has only been going for a few months and already wants the costume, treble shoes, and to go to a feis every other weekend.

I have only allowed her to go to one Feis so far, and despite it just being the local one of the school and for age 10 and under, mostly beginners, there were plenty of wigs and fake tan and make up, glittery socks etc.

I can see where this is going and I wish I had never let her start at all. But the classes are literally next door to us in the community centre, so for the last 2 years she has seen her friends go and I guess I just thought she would try it and not be interested. All her friends go.

Or I thought naively (?) that I could allow her to go just to the lessons and not compete. But the teacher really seems to push the feis “hope to see you all there” etc. I can’t believe how many there are! I don’t want us to spend our weekends going to them and I hate the stuff that everyone hates about them - the pageant vibe.

She is already pretty good but as well as liking the actual dancing, she’s showing every sign of liking mostly the lure of trophies, the costume, the glitz, and she already wants to compete, compete, compete and win, win, win!

The school costume costs £200 new and given how short they wear them, looks like it would fit for about 6 months, if even.

Can’t believe I’m in this situation. I have, up until now, been all happy clappy and willing to let her lead the way with her interests - not push her into anything or away from anything. She has tried ballet, drama and football. She quite liked all of them but it was definitely the social side she enjoyed. She still does football. But this Irish dancing has got under her skin in a different way.

She is 8.

Advice? Solidarity?

Most competitive dancers stop around 16 /17 to concentrate on Leaving Certificate. If not sooner. So I'd say the majority avoid knackered knees.

However at 8 you can still get away with no wig for at least a mother 2-3 years. One should be able to get away without a wig forever, because it has nothing to do with the dancing. (And looks ridiculous, and is another expense that makes the hobby more inaccessible to children from less well off families, particularly girls as the boys don't 'need' to wear wigs - oh so it's sexist too).

It's a money racket. It often is, many forms of dance (although not all teachers and styles everywhere). Another particularly poor one for this is disco/freestyle.

OP IMHO you wouldn't be wrong to try to extricate your daughter from this hobby before it takes hold, or to let her do it on strict terms only, for all the reasons you and others have given.

I’ve been quite clear with DS that I have zero intention of subordinating my life to his desire to play football all the time, and I will not be spending my weeknights and weekends schlepping him to and from training and distant games.

OTOH I do feel sorry for children whose parents, like this PP, won't do this for them in terms of time or money when there are no other problem factors with the activity. (If they have it, I'm talking about the won'ts not the can'ts.) How are they going to find what they are good at, and might even make their career at? And why have children if you aren't going to subordinate a good chunk of your free time to them between the age they can start to do these activities seriously and the age they can get themselves there? A period of about 10 years, sometimes less.🙄

Hi there.
You've basically echoed the problem I'm having with my daughter. She loves it but I just won't allow her to wear fake fan wigs and makeup and I cant see any option for a child to be a child and just focus on the dancing. Do you mind sharing what you did in the end? I'm thinking of just having an honest conversation with her over the summer x

Unfortunately she will be the odd one out then, my daughter done irish dancing from age 9 to about 12 and her dance school insisted on the wig, make up and fake tan, as do the majority of dance schools..

Well, if enough parents say ‘My child won’t compete looking like an Oompa Loompa in a curly wig’, the schools will have to change their rules, won’t they? The parents are the paying customers in his scenario.

I think it's disgusting what they have done to Irish dancing.
Oompa Lumpas in plastic hair.
I'm not asking for a "Comely maidens dancing at the crossroads" vibe as De Valera put it, but for children to be their lovely selves without artifice.
I was not surprised when the scandal over judging broke.
Glad mine weren't too into it and gave up after a year.

No idea how I stumbled on this thread, I don't live in Ireland, I don't have girls but I am absolutely fascinated by the whole shebang. It's been an eye opener!

Saying this as a mum of a 13yr old who recently quit Irish dancing. She started when she was 6. Get her out of it pronto! The amount of time, money and tears that went into it is ridiculous. My daughter went to worlds, but if you don’t live in Ireland and go to one of the big schools she won’t get anywhere with it and you will have empty pockets. Not to mention the weekends wasted at a horrific feis and the 4 nights a week toing and froing you will do. Worst hobby ever, total money racket! It’s not wholesome at all.

We were told wigs and makeup were mandatory if she wanted to compete by my daughters dance school. We are in Ireland. She is 8 and I will not countenance such nonsense as it should be about the skill and timing and talent not bloody appearance. It is not a pageant. Aside from the ridiculous clown like appearance it gives these very young kids it makes the sport prohibitively expensive for many girls as dresses cost £100s and the too schools like a new dress for every championship.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

i completely agree with you on all the dress, hair, make up points. I’d probably still support her though. It will keep her incredibly fit and give her a good baseline for being active for life. Also she loves it and I would be there clapping her on:

I feel similar about soccer with my son - I hate everything about it but I’m there clapping him on every weekend now. I feel like supporting them with their passions is the way to go.

I'm in Northern Ireland but my daughter goes to a lovely Irish dancing school , it is festival dancing so no wigs , tan etc. All natural and everyone wears the same outfit (school have their own) Would there be any school like that nearby?

Someone is making big money out of this. Often reminds me of drag in a way with the wigs, make up and all the rest of it.

I don't think the Cummann na Rince or whatever it's called is above reproach either with the fixing scandals. It all stinks to me, but whatever you're into I suppose.

I blame the Yanks for all this tacky and cheesy wig and tan stuff.

But then blaming them is my default setting. Apologies to nice sane Americans.