How do I get my DD away from Irish dancing?

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She has only been going for a few months and already wants the costume, treble shoes, and to go to a feis every other weekend.

I have only allowed her to go to one Feis so far, and despite it just being the local one of the school and for age 10 and under, mostly beginners, there were plenty of wigs and fake tan and make up, glittery socks etc.

I can see where this is going and I wish I had never let her start at all. But the classes are literally next door to us in the community centre, so for the last 2 years she has seen her friends go and I guess I just thought she would try it and not be interested. All her friends go.

Or I thought naively (?) that I could allow her to go just to the lessons and not compete. But the teacher really seems to push the feis “hope to see you all there” etc. I can’t believe how many there are! I don’t want us to spend our weekends going to them and I hate the stuff that everyone hates about them - the pageant vibe.

She is already pretty good but as well as liking the actual dancing, she’s showing every sign of liking mostly the lure of trophies, the costume, the glitz, and she already wants to compete, compete, compete and win, win, win!

The school costume costs £200 new and given how short they wear them, looks like it would fit for about 6 months, if even.

Can’t believe I’m in this situation. I have, up until now, been all happy clappy and willing to let her lead the way with her interests - not push her into anything or away from anything. She has tried ballet, drama and football. She quite liked all of them but it was definitely the social side she enjoyed. She still does football. But this Irish dancing has got under her skin in a different way.

She is 8.

Advice? Solidarity?

Dancing competitively has increasingly become something for the well off. DP has two sisters who entered every feis going many years ago. Plain dresses were bought, their dad (who is good at art) chalked out designs on the skirt and their mum embroidered them. No wigs then. Lots of hours spent with curlers and fake tan though! The commitment in terms of time and travelling was immense.

Then their other, much younger, sister took up dancing a few years later and it was all elaborate costumes and giant curly wigs. It has escalated even more since then. Eldest sister is now an Irish Dancing teacher and she'll share a costume for sale on Facebook for £2,000 or £3,000. That's second hand. Her DS dances now, but luckily he doesn't need a dress (although I guess that could change😆)

I agree about setting boundaries according to what time and resources you have as a family. But I won't lie - it might be tough if she's got the bug and sees her friends becoming more and more immersed in it all.

Please tell me this isn't horse riding / show jumping 🙏

Inspired by this thread I've just watched the original Riverdance. I'd forgotten how brilliant it was. 1994 - days of hope and Gerry Ryan looking so young and healthy. 😔

Anyway back on topic. Jean Butler was wearing a simple black dress , her own hair and no fake tan. Now maybe it all went a bit mad on subsequent American copies of the show? I don't know. But I don't think we can blame Riverdance or Strictly.

My DD does dance (tap/jazz) and all the ballet girls just wear leotards and tights. You need dance shoes for any kind of dance so pointe shoes (which are only from mid teen I think) aren't any different. Tutus would only be for a show and even then they often just have a floaty skirt. Plus, her dance school hires all the costumes to the children so no need to buy.

no thousands spent on wigs, dresses and fake tan!

Thankfully not. “At least it isn’t horses” is one of our main comforts….

It's not sad to stand at the sidelines of sporting and support your child.

It's sad when parents try and live their lives through children's sport - but supporting them and cheering them on is different.

I'm glad I've supported my ds. I've happily taken him swimming at 4.45am 4 times a week for over a year.

He's made the British team to compete at world champs this year.

And I'm glad he can say he's done it because I supported him rather than despite it.

Is there a way the dance school can help out with cost of outfits? I wouldn’t stand in her way. She loves it for now. It's great for fitness, skills, friendship.
Font worry about the fake tans and make up. It’s for the competItions. It won’t influence her outside of the dance.

My DD Irish dances to a decent level, major competitions. She loves it and has worked very hard over the years. Yes it’s expensive, yes the dresses are blingy, yeah there’s a lot of tan. But it has also kept her fit, made friends for life, built confidence and resilience. Most hobbies have weird costumes, I look a right treat in my cream breaches and tweed when at a show on my horse 😂

To me that’s an insane level of sacrifice for a sport. DH works in sport so I’ve been around emerging sports careers across all kinds of disciplines, team and individual, for years, and a success story is frequently built not only on often extreme parental self-sacrifice (which is at least made willingly, by an adult) but on the inevitable sacrifice of other children within the family to prioritising one child’s training schedule and events. To me that’s pretty problematic. I don’t see competing internationally in a beloved sport as worth what that so often does to family dynamics.

It's the sacrifice needed to make it at top level. It's not what I thought he'd reach and wasn't what he initially set out for but he got good and aimed high.

But yes - I've made sacrifices for him to achieve his dream the past 2 years.

But I also get to say my ds has competed in the world championships. That's worth it for me. By me making those sacrifices he's achieved his dream (not them all because he'd like an Olympic medal one day!)

I think the sacrifice is worth it whatever level they reach but in hindsight I'd have hated to think he hadn't reach this level because I stood in his way.

But it's also not affected our family dynamics. I've raised ds alone (who is an only) since he was 1.

Loving this insight into Irish dancing!

Who knew (not me, obv)

Cheer?

Genuine question to all the active Irish dancers and their parents - did the competition fixing scandal which emerged a few months ago change your view of the whole thing? Or was it an open secret?

I wonder this as well. I am not involved in Irish Dancing and I was very surprised.
I also had not realised how expensive it was.

I think the the ethos in Irish dancing nowadays is shocking.
The wigs, fake tan and make up and the wildly expensive costumes.
I don't think that was what the Celtic Revivalists had in mind.
Is there anyone with enough clout who'll shout Stop !

I'm lucky that my daughter is not yet attending the championship feis where all this has supposed to have happened. My daughters teachers are fantastic.

The whole scandal is a disgrace, the children who participate work so hard for them to be cheated out if a true win.

Lol at "a brief skirmish" 🤣

I wondered that too @Blogdog

I recall reading a post on Reddit (so may/may not be true) when the scandal broke which alleged that one of the more prominent judges has both a large dancing school and a costume business and has made huge sums of money from Irish dancing. How is that not a huge conflict of interest when it comes to judging competitions fairly? I can’t believe it’s allowed.

She is already pretty good but as well as liking the actual dancing, she’s showing every sign of liking mostly the lure of trophies, the costume, the glitz, and she already wants to compete, compete, compete and win, win, win!

And she's only 8!! 😄

I absolutely love the sound of your daughter. 😍

I think the point though is that there are many mamy other activities that could do that for children without the huge costs, upselling bullshit, dodgy judging and problematic aesthetics. My daughter plays both soccer and Gaelic - the cost is minimal but she has also built friendships (based on a team), fitness, confidence and resilience. And the coaches are volunteers, not business people.

Or you know, there could be none of that crap and your daughters hair could be in a simple plait or bun which would take about 30 seconds, involve no cost and not make her look ridiculous.

This came up in active, didn't realise it was in this section. I am not Irish and I know nothing about the dancing but just looked up the pictures. It's fascinating. Like Dolly Parton kicking up their heels. Their fake look detract from what is a phenomenal skill. They must be so fit, their legs look so strong. Does it eventually knacker your knees?

I'm with you @theleafandnotthetree 👏🏻