Page 2 | How do I get my DD away from Irish dancing?

ObjectsInTheRearviewMirrorMayAppearSexierThan · 2023-05-09T20:47:00+00:00

She has only been going for a few months and already wants the costume, treble shoes, and to go to a feis every other weekend. I have only allowed her to go to one Feis so far, and despite it just being the local one of the school and for age 10 and under, mostly beginners, there were plenty of wigs and fake tan and make up, glittery socks etc. I can see where this is going and I wish I had never let her start at all. But the classes are literally next door to us in the community centre, so for the last 2 years she has seen her friends go and I guess I just thought she would try it and not be interested. All her friends go. Or I thought naively (?) that I could allow her to go just to the lessons and not compete. But the teacher really seems to push the feis “hope to see you all there” etc. I can’t believe how many there are! I don’t want us to spend our weekends going to them and I hate the stuff that everyone hates about them - the pageant vibe. She is already pretty good but as well as liking the actual dancing, she’s showing every sign of liking mostly the lure of trophies, the costume, the glitz, and she already wants to compete, compete, compete and win, win, win! The school costume costs £200 new and given how short they wear them, looks like it would fit for about 6 months, if even. Can’t believe I’m in this situation. I have, up until now, been all happy clappy and willing to let her lead the way with her interests - not push her into anything or away from anything. She has tried ballet, drama and football. She quite liked all of them but it was definitely the social side she enjoyed. She still does football. But this Irish dancing has got under her skin in a different way. She is 8. Advice? Solidarity?

SugarAndSpike · 09/05/2023 22:54

This thread has been eye opening.

I had no idea that an Irish dancing honey could turn into this! Wigs? Tan? It sounds absolutely grotesque!!!

My dd is 4 and she's expressed an interest but I don't want this image to be part of her at all. Yuk.

Chateaulaohshit · 09/05/2023 22:56

I definitely agree when it comes the pageant style clothes and makeup connected to Irish dancing and can absolutely sympathise with you on the cost of childrens hobbies however I think encouraging interests and giving up your weekends and evenings to clubs and hobbies is just part and parcel of being a parent.

My DD’s have a hobby which is more of lifestyle, we are out most weekends competing and they live eat and breath their sport, now at a national level while I rotate two bras, haven’t been on an airplane holiday in years and rarely get to sleep past 7am.

But the biggest high for me is getting to see their faces when they achieve and being so dedicated to their field and I would move heaven and earth so they can carry on doing what they love

BonnieBobbin · 09/05/2023 23:00

unfortunateevents · 09/05/2023 22:43

Slightly off topic, but when and how did Irish dancing become so ridiculous? I was a pretty good Irish dancer as a child, and yes, you needed a costume and some shoes but it was nothing like today. The costumes were mostly made by the local dressmaker and the embroidery was done by a friend of your mum! If you were unlucky enough not to know anyone, then you has to pay for the embroidery, but it was still a modest price. The idea of make up and fake tans was completely unknown, and the only thing which came close to wigs was having your hair stuck in uncomfortable curlers the night before a feis.

Yy I wonder why it changed and if you can still find classes that don't buy into all the pageanty nonsense. My experience was like your's - my dress was second hand from a family friend; my curls were from rags the night before and no-one had a fake tan.

Mousetail · 09/05/2023 23:13

Agree that there are some classes and schools that don't buy in. My dd went to Irish dancing. After attending one feis I changed schools to one where the focus is not on the competitive circuit, but on learning the reels/fun.

CrapBucket · 09/05/2023 23:22

The only way to make a child not like something, is to approve whole heartedly. JOIN IN. Can you love it so much that you restart as an adult?! Even just practicing at home together! Oh dear, home is too small, how about the park? How lovely , your friends are watching 😃😃😄

frugalnecessity · 09/05/2023 23:23

I loved Irish dancing as a child and my mum had the same attitude as yours, which I understand now as an adult but didn't as a child. She let me go to local feises but refused to buy me a dress or do any of the wig stuff - she wanted me to do it for the enjoyment, not the competitive element The Irish dancing school had a t-shirt which I wore with a black skirt and she curled my hair the night before. I do remember wishing I could have been allowed to be like the other girls but I don't think it did me any harm in the long run and, in hindsight, it was probably better for me to spend my weekends with friends rather than being driven all around the country to do competitions and having all that pressure.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/05/2023 23:32

I always hated it and thought it looked daft but not my gd 10 is doing it and she absolutely loves it. Great exercise/ great for posture/ concentration with so much to remember/ friends and confidence doing it in front of people. Children are all different and it's lovely to see them pursue a hobby we mightn't think is really us. They get to buy secondhand dresses from the dance school.
If it was GAA she would need boots/ gear etc. There is gear for every hobby. See how she gets on and as already said at least you are not freezing on the side of a pitch with the mad parents screaming at the ref.

Youdoyoubabe · 09/05/2023 23:35

Be grateful it isn't ski racing or banger car racing.......

LlamasUnited · 09/05/2023 23:49

Kanaloa · 09/05/2023 22:49

I think I’d try to support her. It’s so important (in my opinion) for kids to have hobbies that they can feel passionate about. My older dd dances and ds and younger dd do martial arts. Neither are that much ‘my thing’ but I do go out of my way to facilitate them doing it. And it sounds like your dd is very passionate about it.

Of course if you can’t afford it then that’s it and it’s too bad so sad.

This ^^

Let her follow her dream, however ridiculous you find it. There’s actually a lot to enjoy about immersing yourself in this sort of thing. My DD does something comparable and I’ve learned to love it with her. Don’t stop her competing - that’s the fun bit! Pure, undiluted excitement and memories she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life. These sorts of activities are also great for confidence, friendship, health, team building.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/05/2023 23:50

InFlagrante · 09/05/2023 22:10

I don’t think you should feel mean at all. I’ve been quite clear with DS that I have zero intention of subordinating my life to his desire to play football all the time, and I will not be spending my weeknights and weekends schlepping him to and from training and distant games.

No advice, only sympathy — sounds godawful. A friend of mine had a son who was an excellent Irish dancer, and she said she was nearly in tears with relief when he finally quit because she no longer had to spend weekends in end,DS’s feiseanna listening to slipjigs. And that was without freaky wigs and drag queen make up.

Wow that’s really mean. Your poor DS. Football is a really good activity for kids - exercise, fresh air, teamwork, learn to win, learn to lose, sociable (for parents as well as kids). How miserable of you.

snitzelvoncrumb · 09/05/2023 23:55

Can you compromise? Limit how often she can compete and say no to wigs and tans. If she loves it let her do it, but don’t let it take over your life.

nidgey · 09/05/2023 23:58

Lalonda · 09/05/2023 22:40

My dc does Irish dancing and I don't experience what pp have. Feis are only once every 3 months or so and you don't have to attend each one. Makeup is not allowed for up to under 12 and no glue is used to keep socks up.

My dc has a class costume which will last at least 2- 3 years because they are made to be altered as they grow for longevity. She goes to two classes per week. That's two whole hours in a week that instead she would be sitting on her arse watching tv. Any feis we attend lasts 2-3 hours max. I really don't think that's bad at all.

Same here - Feiseanna in my DD's Irish dancing school are only every 2-3 months.
Irish dancing is great for fitness, rhythm, focus etc.
I wonder if OP's school is particularly 'pushy' about competitions etc.?

OP, can you not speak to other parents to arrange lifts / a rota for a couple of you to take the kids to competitions on public transport?
Btw make up is banned for under-12s (see https://web.irishdancingorg.com/index.php/policies/rulebook)

Rulebook

https://web.irishdancingorg.com/index.php/policies/rulebook

AuditAngel · 09/05/2023 23:58

Honestly, mine do karate and it was over £200 for competition entries last month, £136 a month for classes. Most of our competitions are in the Midlands (we are West London) and on Sunday we left home at 5.45am getting home at 10pm. Then there are fighting gi, kata gi, pads, mouth guards (DD2 lost hers on Sunday) body armour boob guards

sometimes I wish my girls (who also dance) were couch potatoes like DS

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 10/05/2023 00:04

Sounds gross.
My friend started her young primary school age children in ballroom dancing. They had the Lego helmet hair and by Monday for school they were still orange, it was horrible.

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 10/05/2023 00:06

CrapBucket · 09/05/2023 23:22

The only way to make a child not like something, is to approve whole heartedly. JOIN IN. Can you love it so much that you restart as an adult?! Even just practicing at home together! Oh dear, home is too small, how about the park? How lovely , your friends are watching 😃😃😄

Genius!

Insideallday · 10/05/2023 00:10

InFlagrante · 09/05/2023 22:10

I don’t think you should feel mean at all. I’ve been quite clear with DS that I have zero intention of subordinating my life to his desire to play football all the time, and I will not be spending my weeknights and weekends schlepping him to and from training and distant games.

No advice, only sympathy — sounds godawful. A friend of mine had a son who was an excellent Irish dancer, and she said she was nearly in tears with relief when he finally quit because she no longer had to spend weekends in end,DS’s feiseanna listening to slipjigs. And that was without freaky wigs and drag queen make up.

Wow! That is simply awful. You don’t let your son play a team sport, in the fresh air being active!! What did you think having children would be? You don’t want to change your life to fit in brining your child to sport? Does he play any other sport?

Think the OP is more concerned about the ridiculous fake tan, makeup on a young child, not to mention the extortionate price of the dresses. My daughter does dance, while the classes cost etc it is not as expensive as Irish dancing has become.

Irish dancing has lost its way, as highlighted lately when the fixing etc was exposed.

I hear you OP.

theleafandnotthetree · 10/05/2023 00:11

If you genuinely have the ick about it and don't want to be part of this scene or spend your hard earned money on the whole racket (and I don't apologise for using that term) then I would nip this in the bud now. There are many many other things that your daughter could do - including set dancing and sean-nos dancing purely in that genre alone - which would do exactly what Irish dancing does without most of the crap that goes with it. A very good friend of mine has a daughter who is very involved and wishes she had never started down this road. I have said to her - and said to my daughter who did it briefly - that I would never collude in the fake tan/wig/beauty pageant nonsense. It is wrong on so many levels. And the infuriating thing is that these dancers are amazing athletes and artists, there is zero need to dress it and if anything it takes from the purity of the form.

BriarHare · 10/05/2023 00:11

Ugh Irish dancing is the worst, the makeup, the mahogany legs, the wigs

Apart from Riverdance, this is the only thing I know about Irish dancing. Why does it have to be so fugly?

My parents are Irish - but thankfully, they let me do ballet 😁

Insideallday · 10/05/2023 00:14

theleafandnotthetree · 10/05/2023 00:11

If you genuinely have the ick about it and don't want to be part of this scene or spend your hard earned money on the whole racket (and I don't apologise for using that term) then I would nip this in the bud now. There are many many other things that your daughter could do - including set dancing and sean-nos dancing purely in that genre alone - which would do exactly what Irish dancing does without most of the crap that goes with it. A very good friend of mine has a daughter who is very involved and wishes she had never started down this road. I have said to her - and said to my daughter who did it briefly - that I would never collude in the fake tan/wig/beauty pageant nonsense. It is wrong on so many levels. And the infuriating thing is that these dancers are amazing athletes and artists, there is zero need to dress it and if anything it takes from the purity of the form.

This 100%

lemonchiffonpie · 10/05/2023 00:15

On the plus side, she is 8 and she is into a form of dancing. She is learning the joy of moving her body and is forming social bonds out of a shared interest. Being any form of dancer is a great way to exercise and will set her up for a healthier life. You could try to steer her to cheaper classes, if there are any.

theleafandnotthetree · 10/05/2023 00:19

junebirthdaygirl · 09/05/2023 23:32

I always hated it and thought it looked daft but not my gd 10 is doing it and she absolutely loves it. Great exercise/ great for posture/ concentration with so much to remember/ friends and confidence doing it in front of people. Children are all different and it's lovely to see them pursue a hobby we mightn't think is really us. They get to buy secondhand dresses from the dance school.
If it was GAA she would need boots/ gear etc. There is gear for every hobby. See how she gets on and as already said at least you are not freezing on the side of a pitch with the mad parents screaming at the ref.

There is no comparison between the cost of playing GAA and the cost of competitive dancing, they are on different planets. And the GAA is an amateur, volunteer led organisation with huge community benefits. Most clubs will quietly have arrangements where children can be accommodated for fees, gear etc if money is genuinely an issue. Irish dancing is a racket so far as I can see, the cost of competitions, travel, costumes, shoes, wigs, the skullduggery in judging recently revealed....I would much rather stand on the side of a muddy pitch than watch young children dressed like beauty queens and where there genuine athleticism is buried under a bottle of fake tan.

theleafandnotthetree · 10/05/2023 00:25

To go back to your original question, you get out of it by saying that you don't feel it's right for her or for you as a family. Or you find a non-competitive dance school. Ultimately you are the parent and you are doing nothing wrong by making decisions based on your values and instincts. We do not have to go along with ALL of our children's interests, we really don't. But the sooner you do it the better.

QueenCamilla · 10/05/2023 00:55

I'm with the sensible poster - I also refuse to sacrifice my weekends, evenings and my very own adult life (that is equally worth living) to facilitate my son's hobbies. He's 9 now, so I help out. To a point.

He plays sports in an after-school club three times a week and goes swimming once a week. Used to swim twice whilst learning.

Once he's old enough to pick hobbies (around 12 ?) I'll expect him to take himself there and back. Like I did. And I got to do loads of activities.
My DH facilitated his own demanding rugby schedule.
There were barely any parents present at my Taekwondo training and no martyr sacrifices were made in the making of my brown belt.

I'm quite sad at the state of the adults these days - it's either all helicopter parenting or couch potato weed-heads who offer no parenting at all.
There's middle ground there that some seem to be blind to.

I think most parents freezing on the side-lines actually enjoy their situation (weirdos!!) , so good for them!
Luckily my DS enjoys a Saturday morning lie-in as much as I do, so we are a content household too.

caringcarer · 10/05/2023 02:07

If she enjoys it and her friends go i'd let her go. If you try to stop her she will want it more. The fake orange tan and hair having to be curled just so is a bit annoying but it's a harmless hobby. I worked at a Catholic school for many years and we had the under 18 champion for many years and also several other dancers who were very good. They all had the same teacher who was very enthusiastic.

4LeafClover21 · 10/05/2023 02:15

I used to do Irish dancing. I was a really big girl and couldn't get a dress to fit to be honest. All the girls had the wigs and glitter. I had a t-shirt and skirt. I remember my first feis and I was a beginner and I won joint 4th best dancer in the club with a boy who had been dancing for years. To say the other girls and this boy was disgusted is an understatement. I was so proud of my trophy, but I left in the end because I was treated like the devil incarnate. It's nice that your dd has found something she likes but it's really expensive, and pageant like . If she is only 8, maybe she will bore of it soon. Good luck 🍀🤞