What's your childcare set up for your 12+ aged children?

[Turfwars]

Just curious as to how others have sorted it - DS is 11 and hates the local village creche. It's fine, he's just bored being surrounded by younger kids and often he's the eldest there. He does wraparound 3 days a week there.

Looking forward to the teen years, I'm looking for ideas. In a year he'll be too old for creche. But at 12 or 13 he's still too young to get off a bus, let himself in and be on his own for 4 or so hrs until one of us gets home. If he had siblings, it might work but he's an only - that's a lot of time alone for a kid that age.

I wfh 2 days. Those days there is no problem with popping out for the school run, work are fine with that. But there are some of those days where I'd have to go to the office to provide AL cover for others.

DH is job hunting at the moment after redundancy so we dont' know what kind of job he might land - if it's got a wfh element to it, that's the ideal. But if he did get office only or a job that involves travelling, that's where I need creative solutions.

So what ages are your kids, what work set up do you have and what genius solution did you come up with?

At 12 I was definitely getting the bus home from school, letting myself in and on my own until my parents got home at 6ish. I'm an only and I enjoyed it! No need for childcare once they're in secondary school, surely.

Same here, Mutabiliss.

Unless there are any SEN/developmental issues your child should be fine to get home from school alone and make a snack/do homework/play on gaming devices until you get in. I am a childminder and all of my children leave either as soon as they start secondary or by the Christmas of the first term there.

Very few parents use childcare once children are in about 5th or 6th unless the child has SEN.
Once they hit secondary school they have a longer day and usually a longer commute so that should reduce amount of time alone in the house.

He is absolutely old enough to get a bus home, let himself in and wait for you - unless you're about to drip-feed that he has SEN.

Have you just been overprotective and so he's never had the ability to develop the skills needed? My DD11 is in y6 and would sooner die than go to any form of childcare 🤦‍♀️😅

I have not heard of any parent using child care of some form at that age, if a child has serious special needs I presume this happens though so there may be organisations than offer information

Are there any after school clubs he can go to? When mine were 11/12 in first year of high school, no more childminder, I told them to pick as many after school clubs as they could and / or go to library to do homework for a bit before coming home. That worked pretty well - minimised the alone time. Though they did that a fair bit too - it’s all fine now. Depends on your children - worth building up a bit of trust and independence if you can with them.

I do think 4 hours alone is a lot; I did that at his age and absolutely hated it, was terrified really, but felt I couldn't say as my parents both worked two jobs and were out a lot.

Not sure what the answer is but just wanted to give the other side of the posts saying he'll obviously be just fine with it.

Our son will be starting secondary this year and he will be getting the bus home himself (albeit the school provided bus) and potentially letting himself in and being alone for 2+ hours if we are both in the office that day. Perfectly normal in my view (and other's in the same boat)

At DDs school the library and computer room are open to 4.30 or 5pm (can't remember which, its not a facility she normally needs). There are also a range of other clubs from 3-4pm.

Is he Year 6 or Year 7?

Obviously you know your son best but I did think you sound a bit over protective.

My 11 year old (Y6) has been walking home and letting himself in at 3.30 since the start of Year 6. He is alone until about 5.30pm - but of course we check in on the phone etc. If it were longer than that I would probably ask my mum to have him.

In year 7 though they often finish at 1pm if there is a review day, or there are inset days. I will not make any specific arrangements for him then as I think Y7 is a kind of turning point.

My eldest is in Y9 and once they are at secondary it does start to feel a bit different.

We no longer have babysitters for ours, it seems a bit odd to ask a 17 year old to come and look after a 14 year old and 11.5 year old. So we go out at 7 and come back by about 1030.

Once in secondary school it is largely expected/ normal that dc will get bus/ walk etc independently to school and back, have a key and let themselves in to house. My dc (11) has been doing it since the start of P7. However 4 hours is long. I wouldn't leave dc for more than 2 hours at that age.

I'm in England.
At last year of primary, my 11 year ld let himself in a couple of times a month. Some days it would be 30 mins til his brother got back. Some days 90 mins until I got back.
First year of secondary, my (other) child - also 11 at that point, used to lock the house up, catch the bus to school, and do the same in reverse.

4 hours is quite a long time. Is there any way you could work a little longer on the wfh days, to finish earlier the other 3 days? Or maybe when DH is working again, one of you start very early those days to be back earlier?

Most 12+kids don't have childcare (after-school or much of the holidays)

Unless there are SEN factors at play here he is absolutely old enough to let himself in from school and be alone for a few hours.
My eldest is 13 now, but from 12 has been walking home from the bus stop and letting himself in until I get home. He also gets himself out in the morning. During the holidays I go the office 2 days a week and he stays home alone. We communicate through the day, he makes himself lunch, empties the dishwasher, hangs out laundry etc. Honestly, use it as an opportunity to teach your son some life skills.

Mine have sorted themselves out since 11 (year 7). Home by themselves, let themselves in, cook their own dinner if need be. I am home between 4pm and 7pm every night depending on the day. Single parent.

If your child can't get a bus on their own, the way to fix it is to show them how to get a bus on their own at this age.

He's the oldest there because children of that age can go home by themselves and stay at home alone for a few hours!

12 is old enough to get yourself home and be on your own in the afternoon.

I would encourage any after school activities, sports, clubs and so on though at this age too especially as an only child so he doesn’t get lonely.

At his age I was in charge of doing the school run for my primary age siblings, getting us all home, sorting homework and a couple nights a week making the family dinner. I think what I had to do was a bit much, but then society seems to expect girls to be responsible little women/house wives from a young age compared to responsibility expected of boys.

Unless special needs you wouldn't usually get childcare for a 12 year old.

It sounds, from his boredom at the afterschool care, as though he’s ready for more independence.

4 hours is quite a lot to be alone from the get-go (though my child is fine with it at 12) so can he and his friends alternate going to each other’s houses (if need be could you coordinate with the parents to be there when it’s your turn.) Alternatively perhaps an older teen from school could accompany him home. I think any more structured supervision at that age could be embarrassing for him.

Of course 12 is perfectly old enough to get home on his own and stay a few hours unsupervised.

He can text you once he's home to reassure you and call if there is an issue.

I'm not surprised he's sick of going to a crèche at 11.

My kids are teens now but both had time in their own at home from 10/11. First for an hour or so and longer as they were more used to it.

I do remember being at a secondary school offers holder day a few years back for youngest DC and a parent putting their hand up and asking about wrap around care for secondary aged kids. The head answered very politely but it was extremely clear from her answer that there was no wrap around care as expectations were kids were a bit more independent. Everyone with older kids did have a laugh it this. Poor guy - must have been his PFB.

I also think 4 hours is a lot especially in winter when it's dark outside.

It's normal for secondary school children to make their own way back from school and be unsupervised until parents get home. (I was getting a bus home from age 9)

That said, 4 hours is a lot for a child who (it sounds like) has never been left before.

When our children were younger secondary school age, we did try to stagger work times so that we won't both working at home on our own and one of us started early while the other finished late - to minimise the time DC were on their own.

You can also see if he can stay in school (many schools allow at least an hour after school where students can work) which would minimise his time alone.

I've also known children go round to a friend's house after school, so that might be an option (with the expectation that you are not expecting the friend's parent to "look after" your child per se).

You could start by not doing the school pickup on your wfh days and have him make his own way home. He can do his own snack and get on with homework etc with minimal supervision as if you weren't there. Perhaps even be unavailable as if you were in a meeting or something so it feels to him more like he's responsible for himself. Then when he's on his own it's just the same thing but without you sitting upstairs in the office :)
Having said that, 4 hours is quite long - do you really not get home until 8pm?

Do they have additional needs at lots of children get the bus to school without parents?
if not u need to teach them what to do.